- If you can’t make monster faces at your youngest son when he’s on stage for a Christmas pageant, what’s the point of having kids?
- Note to musicians – Silent Night does not need new lyrics or arrangement.
- Every time someone sings Jingle Bells as hip-hop, the baby Jesus cries.
- The 12 Days of Christmas is so much better in the original Klingon.
- If you’re over the age of 7 and can’t sit through an elementary school Christmas pageant without constantly talking and laughing with your buddy in the chair next to you, don’t go to said Christmas pageant in the first place.
- If you are six feet in front of me and use a flash strong enough to send semaphore to low earth orbit to take a picture of your child who is two feet behind me, your kid is going to learn a few new Anglo-Saxon words while I wait for my sight to return.
- There are three kinds of kids in Christmas pageants:
- Those who are absolutely thrilled to be there and are having the time of their lives.
- Those who are there to make their mothers and grandmothers happy, no matter how distasteful the experience might be.
- Those who were given a choice by the judge: Go and sing “Oh Holy Night” or go to jail.
All posts in category Uncategorized
Musings
Posted by daddybear71 on December 14, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/12/14/musings-269/
Musings
- It’s not every day that I get to use a hatchet, a bow saw, a bush hog, and a claw hammer. Today was one of those days.
- You know you’ve done some funky stuff when you have to scrub the tub after your shower.
- The tree is up, it’s twinkling, and the Grinch is in the DVD player. Ho freaking ho.
- We, being traditional folks, went through the annual ritual of “Where did we put those bloody lights?”
- I’m not a redneck for putting my beer out on the porch to keep it cold. I’m an environmentalist.
- We have found that the only way to get Derby to sleep on her dog bed is to put said bed onto the couch where she prefers to sleep.
- Either Irish Woman is trying to fatten me up for the mid-winters feast, or she just feels like making huge breakfasts this weekend. I haven’t needed lunch since Friday.
- The office had their Christmas lunch and gift exchange on Friday. The most hotly contested gifts were a yard long Snicker’s bar and 10 pounds of country sausage from a local butcher. Not sure what that says about the folks I work with.
Posted by daddybear71 on December 3, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/12/03/musings-268/
Combat Preparation
A repeat from 2010. Enjoy!
The old warrior slowly ran the stone down the length of his sword. This weapon had been made for his grandfather, and he was planning on passing it along to his own grandson. He could be buried with some of his lesser weapons, but this piece of family hardware would pass down the line along with the strong bodies and tough minds that had set him and his brothers apart during the wars. Once the edge was sharp enough to shave with, he ran an oiled rag down its length to protect it from the elements.
Next came the shield. He polished the leather, wood, and iron of it lovingly. He noted every chip and dent, remembering the blows that had made their mark over the years. He would need this old friend’s protection again today.
Next came his war kilt, chain mail shirt, and helm. He strapped his sword…
View original post 264 more words
Posted by daddybear71 on December 1, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/12/01/combat-preparation-2/
Thank You!
A few weeks ago, several of us publicized a GoFundMe campaign for a member of the Farm Family who needed a bit of help. I’m happy to report that the campaign has raised over $18,500 for Andi, and it’s still open if you can help.
Thank you all so much for your generosity. I’m sure it will go a long way toward helping Andi and her family recover.
The raffle that OldNFO set up to encourage and reward donors has ended. Looking at the list of prizes, it’s quite impressive. Winners are being contacted, and will be announced soon.
To the winners, congratulations! To all of you who were able to help out, thanks!
Posted by daddybear71 on December 1, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/12/01/thank-you-2/
Musings
- The other night, I was reminded that the little switch on the side of the stand mixer goes backward to shut off the mixer, and forward to turn it all the way up.
- I just wanted to make another pumpkin pie. I ended up a pumpkin spice Norwegian.
- The passage of time slowed to a crawl when I heard that little motor start to wind up. I swear, I could see each and every droplet as it exited the mixer.
- Irish Woman, being the calm and supportive wife that she is, called out to make sure that my string of profanity was not due to an injury, then showed her intelligence by staying in the other room until after I’d cleaned up and gotten a shower.
- There was one part of the kitchen that wasn’t painted orange: the hole in the splatter pattern shaped like a fat man leaning over a mixer.
- The married man’s quandary:
- Does he just sweep and vacuum the living room rug and light a few candles so that his wife can feel that he’s pulling his weight while she runs their offspring to school?
- or
- Does he tell his wife that he did it because the dog got into the garbage can while he was in the shower and he didn’t want her to come home to THAT mess on the living room rug?
- Does he just sweep and vacuum the living room rug and light a few candles so that his wife can feel that he’s pulling his weight while she runs their offspring to school?
- The Big Brown Truck of Happiness came up our driveway at 9:30 this evening, and the dogs didn’t lift their heads from their beds. Either they’re really used to this guy, or they had a really hard day.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 29, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/29/musings-267/
Black Friday Sale on Books
If, like me, you prepare for Thanksgiving weekend as if a hurricane were coming in and wouldn’t be caught dead in a grocery or department store until Monday morning, you’re going to be looking for something to do.
You could cook or bake, but you’ve already got all those leftovers, and the kids can eat pumpkin pie for breakfast.
You could clean the house, but you probably did that already getting ready for Thanksgiving. Seriously, don’t you deserve a break after all your hard work?
You could watch TV, or go to the movies, but there’s 10^6 channels and nothing on.
There’s always the Internet, but don’t you think all that turkey and fixings has already done enough harm to your blood pressure?
To help everyone find something to do over the weekend, and to help you stretch your entertainment dollars so that you’ll have more to spend on all of the other sales, I’m putting Escort Duty and Tales of the Minivandians on sale for 99 cents each from now until Sunday evening. That’s right, for just 99 cents, you can get hours of entertainment to distract you from trying to figure out what to do with 35 pounds of leftover mashed potatoes and gravy.
Tales of the Minivandians is a collection of slightly skewed real life stories from my home, each of them answering my mantra, “What would Conan do?”, along with a high fantasy novella that introduces you to the Northerner and his family.
Escort Duty is a collection of short stories, including “The War“, a sort-of thriller that I’ve been serializing here over the past few months, and the titular “Escort Duty”, which is a story starring Simon from the Minivandians universe.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and I hope you enjoy Escort Duty and Tales of the Minivandians!
Posted by daddybear71 on November 24, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/24/black-friday-sale-on-books/
100 Years On – October Revolution
On the 7th of November, 1917, Communist forces in the Russian capital of Saint Petersburg seized critical infrastructure and government buildings. The following day, the Winter Palace, which housed the government installed after the abdication of Tsar Nicholas II earlier that year, fell to the Communists. Within weeks, the Bolshevik arm of the Communist Party had taken over control of the government, including the military, and the Russian Civil War was underway. Fighting would continue until 1922, leaving the Bolsheviks in control of the new USSR. It would be almost 70 years until the USSR and the nations it came to dominate would shake off
Over a century of revolution, oppression, and genocide, more than 100 million people worldwide would fall victim to the quest to establish and support Communism. Words like ‘gulag‘, ‘holodomor‘, ‘killing fields,’ and ‘cultural revolution‘ have come into our lexicon. Productive regions of our world have been turned from breadbaskets into basketcases, all in the name of seeking the perfect Communist state. Over a billion people still live under the yoke of Communism.
I am hard pressed to name a movement that has caused such widespread human misery. We are still haunted by the consequences of the October Revolution, and I am afraid that our children and grandchildren will still have to deal with them.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 21, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/21/100-years-on-october-revolution/
100 Years On – Cambrai
On November 20, 1917, the British Army began a combined arms attack, including infantry, artillery, tanks, and airplanes, against German forces defending the critical supply point for the Hindenberg Line at Cambrai.
The British were able to penetrate several kilometers into German lines during the first day, losing only about 4000 soldiers. However, losses of British tanks were heavy due to large numbers of mechanical breakdowns and German resistance, and only half of their tanks were available for use on the second day of the battle. British advances after this were costly and slow.
On November 30, the German counter-offensive at Cambrai began, with the Germans using new infiltration tactics against the British. In the end, the Germans were able to push the British off of most of their initial gains, while taking a small bite out of pre-battle British positions. Casualties were also relatively equal, with each side losing approximately 50,000 men during about two weeks of fighting.
Cambrai was a laboratory for new tactics and equipment on both sides of the lines. The British demonstrated growing skill at coordinating artillery with infantry attacks, while their use of massed tanks to overcome German obstacles further demonstrated the usefulness of this new weapon. German techniques to infiltrate enemy lines with groups of specially trained soldiers, as well as their use of anti-tank tactics and weapons, were used to great effect during the last year of the war.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 20, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/20/100-years-on-cambrai/
Musings
- Irish Woman doesn’t know how to take me sometimes.
- Run the side of the minivan down a cement pole in a parking garage, but nobody gets hurt? No biggee. We’ve got more important things to worry about.
- Get laid off from a job? We’ll survive. Not going to cry about it.
- Chew gum in a closed car when I’m already irritated by her choice of modern country music? Suddenly, she’s married to an irrational twit.
- Having roses delivered to the house goes a long way toward proving that I’m worth keeping around for another year.
- The cost of getting useful information out of any technical training is getting through the first two hours of folks having trouble connecting to the website and introducing themselves.
- If you’re going to sell me something as a ‘neck knife’, please be sure that the necklace attached to the sheath will fit around my head.
- When I tried it on, I looked like I’d crowned myself with a bladed weapon.
- Am I the only one who considers it rude to ask an instructor which of the assignments in a class can be ignored?
Posted by daddybear71 on November 13, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/13/musings-266/
Story Idea
These are the first few paragraphs of the next Boogeyman story. It’s just a rough stub, and I haven’t plotted out what’s going to happen in the rest of it, but I think it’s a good introduction.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 1, 2017
https://daddybearsden.com/2017/11/01/story-idea/







