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  • If you can’t make monster faces at your youngest son when he’s on stage for a Christmas pageant, what’s the point of having kids?
  • Note to musicians – Silent Night does not need new lyrics or arrangement.
  • Every time someone sings Jingle Bells as hip-hop, the baby Jesus cries.
  • The 12 Days of Christmas is so much better in the original Klingon.
  • If you’re over the age of 7 and can’t sit through an elementary school Christmas pageant without constantly talking and laughing with your buddy in the chair next to you, don’t go to said Christmas pageant in the first place.
  • If you are six feet in front of me and use a flash strong enough to send semaphore to low earth orbit to take a picture of your child who is two feet behind me, your kid is going to learn a few new Anglo-Saxon words while I wait for my sight to return.
  • There are three kinds of kids in Christmas pageants:
    • Those who are absolutely thrilled to be there and are having the time of their lives.
    • Those who are there to make their mothers and grandmothers happy, no matter how distasteful the experience might be.
    • Those who were given a choice by the judge:  Go and sing “Oh Holy Night” or go to jail.
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  1. Another ‘fun’ Christmas pageant, eh? 🙂


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