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Musings

  • Sleepover math: If each 11-year-old boy at the sleepover is to be offered enough nutrition to not starve to death between 4 PM on a Saturday until 10 AM the following morning, how much food must you have on hand?
    • Answer – 2 large cheese pizzas, 1 large pepperoni pizza, 1 large ham and pineapple pizza, 1 order each of breadsticks and garlic knots, a case of bottled water, a pound each of mandarin oranges and strawberries, one bag of microwave popcorn, a dozen donuts, a hotel breakfast buffet, and enough coffee to keep yourself sane.
    • That, by the way, is not an exaggeration.
  • One of the boys had never seen any Star Wars before the sleepover, and the other boys threatened bodily harm to anyone who spoiled it for him after I put the DVD in the player.
  • Watching a bunch of alpha-male young men try to play Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit was quite entertaining. I’ve watched old priests dicker over details of Christian dogma with less zeal than these kids did when arguing about each other’s answers to questions about Hogwarts.
  • If you’re working the oh-my-Lord-it’s-early shift at the donut place, please partake of some of your fine coffee before answering the drive-thru.
    • “A dozen plain donuts and a dozen mixed donuts” should not confuse you.
  • I know IrishWoman was trying to help me out on my diet, but I was kind of counting on having those leftover doughnuts and pizza for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
    • No, it’s fine. I like cold boiled eggs and cheese at 4 AM on a cold, rainy February morning.

Musings

  • Last weekend, I flew into the Airport That God Forgot – Newark.
  • The last time I flew through Newark, it was 1994.
    • We landed just ahead of a rather vicious storm, and were stuck in the airport for about 12 hours with a toddler.
    • I probably put in about 5 miles walking said toddler around the terminal.
    • Eventually, all of the military families used duffel bags and luggage to corral in all of our kids and let them loose so that we could all get something resembling a break.
  • Other than first thing Monday morning, traffic in New Jersey wasn’t bad.
    • I think I disconcerted some of the other drivers by doing things like letting folks merge, using my turn signal, and waving thank-you.
  • One thing I noticed was that the staff at the hotel seemed to be surprised when I was polite and friendly with them. It seems odd that they didn’t know how to handle a guest who said “Thank you” or actually talked to them.
  • Our instructor was a nice fellow who lives in Phoenix and had never seen a snow storm or temperatures at 0 degrees Fahrenheit. This week, he got a two-fer.
  • One of my work buddies is flying to Boston for more training on Superbowl Sunday. He’s a braver man than I.
  • TSA Pre-Check paid for itself on its first trip. It took longer to check my bag in Newark than it did to clear security.
  • What does it say about me that I’ve started taking an HDMI cable on business trips so that I can have a monitor when I work after hours in the hotel room?

Musings

  • The good news is that in the choice between a damaged television and a damaged Amazon Fire Stick, I got the broken Fire Stick.
    • We’ve been considering a new TV, but didn’t want to buy one this weekend.
  • Things I’ve decided as a parent:
    • Books are better than movies
    • Legos are better than Minecraft
    • Nerf guns are better than Fortnite
  • We got about three inches of wet snow, which rapidly turned to slush and then mud. It’s the natural cycle of things here in Louisville.
  • When your ten year old comes in from playing in the slush, then goes back out with a large glass of water, you know he’s creating something nefarious.
  • There’s a moment of absolute peace and well being when the dishes are done, the house is vacuumed, and the laundry is washed, dried, folded, and put away.
    • It’s only a moment, mind you, and then life reverts back to “hand grenade in a hen house” mode.

Musings

  • Ah, the sounds of the season. The hiss and pop of a warm hearth, the tick of the timer on an oven full of cookies, my youngest trying to figure out how to make Darth Vader’s theme song sound Christmasy on the keyboard, my wife muttering to herself as she finds yet another gift that needs wrapping, and the dog farting against a hardwood floor.
  • Irish Woman thought that the two, count them, two Harry Potter Lego sets Boo got from Santa would take him all week to assemble. Total build time – 6 hours to get both done.
  • They may sound like a gimmick, but a 25 pound quilt made for the best nap I’ve had in years.
    • Lifting it, on the other hand, wasn’t exactly easy. Imagine trying to lift 25 pounds of loose bubblegum that doesn’t want to stay in one blob.
    • Irish Woman pinky swears she didn’t pay retail price for it. I most certainly hope this isn’t one of those little white lies I hear so much about.
  • One bad thing about having two black dogs is that when they bolt on you after sunset, it’s like trying to chase shadows. Luckily, both of them came right back to the porch after the three of us did a few wind sprints up and down the block, in the dark, and across several lawns.

Musings

  • Trust is defined as giving your wife your debit card when she goes out a couple of days after Thanksgiving.
  • I’m not having leftover dressing for breakfast.  I’m having savory french toast casserole for breakfast.
    • In the same vain, it’s not a big bowl of pumpkin custard washed down with fresh coffee, it’s high-fiber and beta-carotine squash superfood accompanied by a hand-crafted artisanal energy drink.
  • Now that the political season is over and the Christmas season is beginning, it’s time to think of what to give your loved ones.
    • Considering how the political season went, I suggest canned food and shotguns.
    • I told Irish Woman that I fit very well in to a 62 grain 5.56.

Musings

  • Someone once told me that “If you don’t shoot weekly, you’ll shoot weakly.”
    • This weekend, I proved that if you only shoot quarterly, then your shooting won’t be worth two bits.
  • You know it’s been a long time when you open the gun safe and ask yourself, “When did I buy an SKS?”
  • The best part about holding the Raingutter Regatta in the school cafeteria is the fact that the floor always gets a good, thorough mopping after tear down.
  • Kids were fascinated with the concept of syphoning the water out of the gutters after the races.  I refrained from mentioning that I learned it from my father during the gas shortage in the 1970’s.
  • I want credit for refraining from sending an electronic guffaw to someone in an on-line group this evening.  You see, said someone was boasting about what a ‘warrior’ they were when they were in the Army, lo these many years ago.
    • Said someone failed to mention the time I had to coach him through zeroing his weapon and he broke down into shaking sobs after the first three shots.
  • A pulled muscle in your lower back is nature’s way of telling you that you need to slow down and read books for a couple of days.
  • I’m re-reading the Monster Hunter International series, and it occurred to me that someone should make an MHI sticker that reads “Skippy Is My Co-Pilot”, complete with the green smiley face.
  • Boo is listening to the audiobook of “Starship Troopers”, and seems to be enjoying it.
    • He giggled like a fiend at the “30 Second Bomb”
    • He also thinks that Sergeant Zim is a complete badass

Musings

  • My day started with me cooking up 8 pounds of bacon, then baking both banana and cranberry bread, and is ending with me sitting in front of a nice, hot fire.
    • All of the bacon was eaten by a horde of Cub Scouts. The accompanying pancakes were also devoured.
  • If you’re going to give Cub Scouts crap for asking that you consider leaving a food donation out next weekend, please take a few moments to examine your soul and upbringing.
    • Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with just saying “No, thank you.”
  • The maple trees have finished dropping their leaves.  Now comes the time of The Rakening.

Musings

  • Tomorrow morning I go in to have blood drawn for an upcoming physical.  Dinner tonight included a very rare ribeye.
    • If I’m going to get chided about my cholesterol, I’m going to enjoy earning it.
  • Irish Woman and Boo decided to play some cards tonight.
    • It wasn’t that she’s teaching him how to play blackjack that concerned me.  It was that she was teaching him how to count cards.
  • Girlie Bear took the Greyhound back to Louisville this weekend.
    • There was the beginnings of a brawl starting when she got out of the station, so apparently little has changed in the couple of decades since I last took a bus.
    • There’s nothing like the time spent parked at a bus station in downtown Louisville on a Saturday morning to make you think, “You know, maybe I didn’t bring enough guns.”
  • Division of labor at our house:
    • Irish Woman is in charge of summer lawn care, specifically mowing and trimming.  I probably mow the grass two or three times a year.
    • I, on the other hand, am primarily responsible for leaf removal.  Irish Woman does, however, run the mower across the leaves a couple of times every year.
    • This works out that she does quite a bit of mowing over several months, while I do a lot of work over a few weeks.
    • I will point out, however, that it’s rather rare for the lawn to need mowing three times in one day. This weekend, I had to go over the leaves several times in order to not get buried.
    • I would also like to point out that when snow needs shoveling, that’s my job.
  • This morning, I had to run to the big box home center for a couple of things.  There was a young couple in the paint area.  It was quite obvious that the young lady of the pair was picking out paint for a new home. She was looking at about 17,235 shades of pastel something or other, and would squeal every time she found a new hue to consider.  The stack of paint cards clutched in her hand grew by the minute.
    • The young man looked like he would rather be drug behind a honey wagon for about ten miles of gravel road.  He visibly winced at several of the possibilities the young woman was considering.
    • I wanted to up to him, give him a manly hug, and tell him to be strong, because it was never going to end.  Ever.  Even after death, she’ll pick out the color of pillow he’d rest his head upon for eternity.

Musings

  • How my flight went on Monday:
    • Arrive at airport over an hour before boarding.
    • Check my bag, because the TSA isn’t going to get another chance to toss out half of my razor again.
    • Turned the corner from the ticketing desk, took half a step, and ran smack dab into the back of the line to go through the TSA checkpoint.  Seriously, I’ve flown the same weekend as the Kentucky Derby and it wasn’t as bad.
    • Wave as my boss walks past me and into the TSA pre-check line.  Reconsider whether the $85 every 5 years is worth the shorter line and easier screening.
      • I decided that it was.  My interview is in November.
    • Fly to Atlanta so that I can then fly to New York.  Yeah, I don’t understand it either, but it’s Delta.
    • Fly from Atlanta to SmallAirportInNewYork.
    • As we approach SmallAirportInNewYork, the captain announces that the airport is socked in and we can’t land.
    • I go back to watching my movie as we circle the airport for a couple of hours.
    • The captain comes back on and announces that we’re running a tad low on fuel.  Since we can’t get out and push, he decides it’s a good idea to divert to Hartford, Connecticut, to fill ‘er up.
    • We land in Hartford and proceed to wait about half an hour, with no sign of a fuel truck in sight.
    • The flight attendant, backed up by the captain, announces that we will, indeed, be fueling up and returning to circle SmallAirportInNewYork, but we will only try to land once or twice before returning to Atlanta.
    • I quell the outrage and tunnel vision, but am happy to report that my fellow passengers did not have that much self control.
    • Due to the pending riot on the plane, the flight attendant and captain decide that everybody who wants to get off is welcome to do so.  The airline, of course, will not be providing ground transportation to SmallAirportInNewYork, so we’re on our own.
    • Bossman and I retrieve our luggage while he tries to get us a rental car.
    • Upon inspection of my suitcase, I notice that the outside pocket where I put my shaving kit is about 1/4 of the way unzipped.  Further inspection shows that the pocket is devoid of said shaving kit.  Tunnel vision returns for a few minutes.
    • We acquire our rental car, have a quick bite to eat in lovely Hartford, and make our way down the freeway.  While we’re driving, I get out the Amazon app and order a new razor.  It’ll be delivered to my house on Wednesday.
    • Two hours later, after driving through every roadwork zone in Connecticut, we wave to SmallAirportInNewYork as we pass it.
    • Bossman graciously stops at a Target so that I can buy replacement toothbrush/toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, and a pack of disposable razors.
    • We make it to our hotel, four hours later than planned,  with no further issues.
    • Upon unpacking my suitcase, however, I find one of those nifty-neato TSA cards that notifies me that an agent of the government found it necessary to rifle through my unmentionables.
    • Lo and behold, I find the contents of my shaving kit at the bottom of my suitcase.  Luckily for me and the people I had to interact with on Monday evening, my toothpaste and shampoo did not leak out onto my work clothes.
    • 7 PM – I get a notification from Delta airlines that my flight from Atlanta to SmallAirportInNewYork, which I got off of hours ago, has been cancelled.  I feel a warm glow knowing that the airline is looking out for me.
  • Wednesday was spent in New York City, ending a 20+ year drought of me setting  foot in New York City.
  • As we walked along the fetid streets of Manhattan, I considered another large city I’ve visited:  Moscow.
    • Moscow is cleaner, but New York has slightly better road conditions.
    • I saw fewer drunk people sitting on the sidewalk in New York.  Of course, the drunks in Moscow were frozen to the sidewalk, which adds a level of sophistication.
    • Both are impossible to drive in, and the odor of a big city is the same all over the world.
  • On the flight home today, I watched the new “Murder on the Orient Express“.  I’ve walked around all afternoon thinking about growing my mustache out.

Things I Learned from Old Radio Shows

  • Women have only two roles
    • Damsel in distress
    • Femme Fatale
  • Every hero needs an ethnic servant who will either secretly hate their employer and plot their death, or will be a steady, loyal ally who constantly keeps the protagonist alive.
  • If you’re going to track down your sworn enemy and have them corned, nailed down, or locked up, do not just leave them to die.  Finish the job and enjoy the rest of your life.
    • Not to put too fine a point to it, but very few folks can come back to darken your doorstep after two slugs behind the ear.  Just saying.
  • Anyone with a vaguely German, Russian, or Japanese accent should automatically be treated with suspicion.
  • The best shows are sponsored by cigarette and booze companies.  Not sure why that is.
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