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  • I never knew that bowling could be a contact sport until today.
  • Before today, I’d never seen anyone take a running start at bowling, either.
  • Twenty-three third graders, times two pieces of pizza apiece, equals two pepperoni pizzas, two sausage pizzas, and a cheese pizza.  In addition, it equals four pitchers of water, three of cola, and two of lemon-lime soda.
    • Add in chocolate and vanilla cupcakes, and I’m pretty sure some of those kids were ready to shot put their bowling balls down the alley.
  • Speaking of which, whatever they use to protect the wood on bowling alleys is what I want used the next time we refinish our floors.  I’ve seen armor plate that didn’t stand up to the impacts they took without a mark.
  • The bowling alley threw in a used bowling pin as a momento of Boo’s party.  I have been informed that it is neither a pistol target or a small club.


  • Sometimes, after a long day, it’s nice to park the truck in the driveway, shut off the engine, and just sit and listen to the sweet ringing of the tinnitus.
  • We told the dog that she’s not allowed on the new couch. Apparently we forgot to tell her that she’s not allowed to rub her flanks against its entire length to scratch her fuzzy self.
  • The good news is that Irish Woman and I have gotten hooked on the same television series that is absolutely not appropriate for Boo, so we have something to enjoy together.  The bad news is that there is probably not enough time between Boo going to sleep at night and us passing out from pure exhaustion for us to ever watch the whole thing together.
  • I made the mistake of promising my wife that I would only have to work for a few hours yesterday.  Ten hours later, she was waiting for me in the living room wearing The Look.

Movie Thoughts

So, we’ve been watching some of the Marvel movies this week. (1st Iron Man, 1st Captain America, 1st Thor, 1st Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy 1 and 2, Doctor Strange)
Some thoughts:
  • Agent Carter > Natasha Romanov
  • How are Hawkeye and Ms. Romanov superheroes?
  • I need to send a resume to Stark Industries
  • If Disney can make these movies so enjoyable and still have meaningful plots about honor, family, and duty, what in the heck is going on in their Star Wars division?
  • Incredibles is still the best super hero movie ever made.


Also, I’d like to reach out to the Hollywood marketing types and mention that having a couple of movies appropriate for school-age children in the theaters during March and April would probably do a lot for their bottom line.  Just saying.


Finally, the three Narnia movies were better than the three Hobbit movies, hands down.  In the former instance, the movie makers took three distinct children’s novels and did an excellent job of bringing the settings, plot, and characters to life.  In the latter instance, Peter Jackson stretched a short children’s novel into 8 or 9 hours of drivel punctuated by about an hour of fine story-telling by several of the individual actors.


How to know if you grew up in the Upper Midwest:  Minnesota,Wisconsin, North Dakota, South Dakota, or Iowa.

This one comes from my uncle, who is probably one of the few folks who can still talk through my stubbornness.

  1. You know how to polka, but never tried it sober….
  2. You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
  3. You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the reception and wedding dance.
  4. You know the difference between ‘Green’ and ‘Red’ farm machinery, and would fight with your friends on the playground over which was better!
  5. You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm or Tractor Supply Co.
  6. You spent more on beer & liquor than you did on food at your wedding.
  7. You hear someone use the word ‘oof-dah’ or ‘Holy Buckets’ and you don’t break into uncontrollable laughter.
  8. You or someone you know was a ‘Beef Queen or Dairy Princess’ at the county fair.
  9. You know that ‘combine’ is a noun.
  10. You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter, or peeing on an electric fence.
  11. You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
  12. You know that ‘creek’ rhymes with ‘pick’
  13. Football schedules, branding calves and weaning, hunting season and harvest are all taken into consideration before wedding dates are set.
  14. If the sun is out, it’s really windy, and you’re getting wet… better get on upwind side of the livestock.
  15. A Friday night date is getting a six-pack and taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
  16. Saturday you go to your local bowling alley.
  17. Cruising ‘main’ lasts for 6 blocks.
  18. There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning… phew!
  19. You have driven your car on a lake.
  20. You can make sense of ‘upnort’ and ‘batree’.
  21. Every wedding dance you have ever been to has the hokey pokey and the chicken dance.
  22. Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
  23. If a road you’re driving on has more than 3 curves to a mile… you are nearing or in the Badlands.
  24. Your vocabulary still includes, ‘Yes, Ma’am’ and ‘No, Sir’
  25. The local gas station sells live bait, next to the local jerked beef and homemade jam.
  26. At least twice a year some part of your home doubles as a meat processing plant.
  27. You understand that brakes on silage trucks are considered a luxury.
  28. ‘Bulldoggin” is an event.
  29. As the American flag passes, you are on your feet and have removed your hat, your hand is over your heart, or someone behind you gives you a slap on the head as a reminder to do so.
  30. You grow up thinking that the opening day of deer & pheasant seasons are national holidays.
  31. You understand the true meaning to ‘snipe’ hunting.
  32. Pop is the only name used for a soft drink.
  33. The trip into town for school, takes longer than your lunch period.
  34. ‘Crown Royal’ has nothing to do with nobility.
  35. Someone in your family has the complete Lawrence Welk LP collection.
  36. Lime Jell-O salad is a part of special dinners.
  37. Most of the kids in your school had German, Scandinavian, or Russian last names.
  38. Generals U.S. Grant, George A. Custer, and Douglas MacArthur are considered national heroes.




  • Took the week off to spend spring break with Boo.
    • So far, the weather has batted .500, so we’ve spent two days out in the sunshine going for walks and talking, and two days inside watching super hero and Disney movies.
  • I’ve been letting Boo listen to “The LawDog Files: African Adventures” lately.  If stories are so well written and narrated that both he and I are on the ground laughing, then you can definitely say it’s well done.
  • The chicks in the horse troughs at the farm store were very fluffy and cute, but I know what they grow into – miniature dinosaurs.
  • You know what you get when you take a six-year-old and a ten-year-old to the park to play and go for a hike on a pretty spring day?
    • That’s right, tired.  You get tired
  • Ford got two car payments out of me this month.  The first was to pay on my truck, the second was the amount it cost to get a serpentine belt and tensioner replaced on Irish Woman’s car.
    • I’ve gotten old enough that I look at the problem, consult the manual, and just say “Forget it.  My time’s worth more than that” before driving to the dealership.
    • Both the F-150 Raptor and the Mustang GT were whispering sultry promises to me when I took Irish Woman back to pick up her mom-mobile.
    • My suggestion to Irish Woman that she look at the new Transit van or a station wagon were answered with “The Look.”
  • There is a special feeling of satisfaction you get when you schedule the final two payments for your student loans.
  • The other night, there was a thunderstorm powerful enough to set off the motion sensors on the outside lights.  Didn’t know it could rain that hard outside the tropics.
    • By the way, if you consider calling the television station to complain (OK, chew out some poor intern on phone duty) because the weather folks interrupted televised karaoke to make sure people knew about rough weather, do us all a favor and go stand outside during said weather while carrying a long aluminum pole upright.
  • I’ve gotten so many “Sorry, but we did stupid crap with your personal information” letters lately, I’m about ready to just paint my social security number and birth date on the side of my truck and cut out the middle man.

Thought for the Day


  • Derby is having to be reminded that the new couch is not a dog bed.
    • In related news, the amount of heartbroken moping and sad eyes in this house has reached dangerous levels.
  • We purchased our airline tickets for the family trip to North Dakota this past week.
    • I’ll come home from cub scout camp, get a shower, run a load of laundry, then get into the car and go to the airport.  If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to sleep on the flight.
    • Minneapolis seems to have drawn a twenty-five mile circle around the airport and proclaimed that all hotels within it will charge double what those not within it charge.
  • Apparently, in order to get a semi-collapsed pipe in our yard replaced, we need to cut down a fruit tree, disassemble a flower bed, have the septic tank emptied, introduce a biological warfare agent into our septic system, sacrifice a goat at the height of the new moon, and promise to marry our youngest son to the daughter of the man in charge of the plumbing company.
  • Irish Woman has been looking at new houses, and it would appear that we can either move an hour outside of town or double our mortgage payment.


  • You know, it might be that saying “I give you an inch of rope and you think you’re a cowboy” to my wife might not have been the smartest thing I’ve ever done.
    • Being married to an Irish redhead is a lot like having a large cat as a pet.  It’s all fun and games until they get that look in their eyes.
  • We’ve reached the Yo-Yo phase of weather here in Indiucky.
    • We’ve gone from beautiful spring to deep winter to ice to rain and back to sunshine.
    • If this keeps up, I expect to see fish falling from the sky any day now.
  • At the same time, every plant within 25 miles is trying to strangle me, so I’ve got that going for me.
    • “Day of the Triffids” and “Little Shop of Horrors” have nothing on “Let’s Make It Painful for Tom to Breathe!”
  • The other day, I decided to remove the Facebook app from my phone.  I just wanted to see what its absence would feel like.
    • I am not joking when I say that not being able to pull my phone out during a quiet moment and check on my feed was a lot like the times I’ve gone without coffee for several days.  It may be what it’s like the first few days someone quits smoking.
    • I still check FB from my laptop a couple times a day, but by the end of the week I wasn’t feeling like I needed to open the app several times a day.
  • Boo has begun taking lessons in jiu-jitsu, or as I call it, “Hugging it out at combat speed.”
    • He’s enjoying himself, and if nothing else, it gives him exercise a couple times a week.


  • Cleaning the basement was easier the last time I did it.  Of course, I had a big dumpster the last time.
  • Kicking up all that dust in the basement seems to have set my sinuses on fire, causing me to rumble when I speak, cough when I breathe, and growl when approached by other human beings.
  • Boo’s new bed has a large section of built-in bookshelves.  He was thrilled to see them, and has spent the past week filling them.
    • That, of course, opens up some space on my bookshelves, which means that I can bring a few things out of storage.
  • Boo has started taking voice lessons in conjunction with his piano lessons.  Sweet Cthulhu, where is thy sting?
  • You’d think that writing a historical fiction where someone wrote the basic outline for you centuries ago would be easy to flesh out into a novel, wouldn’t you?
    • One thing that history teaches us is that as bad as things are these days, our ancestors were right bastards.


  • Fact – The glass door to an Oster extra-large convection/toaster oven is made of high-quality tempered glass.
    • Unfortunately, I found this out when the one I bought Irish Woman to use during our kitchen remodel landed on the concrete basement floor.
  • Fact – The behavior of millions of little glass pebbles on a basement floor is proof of the movement of matter after the Big Bang.
  • Fact – The easiest way to find the glass you missed while sweeping up the basement is to walk down to the laundry room in bare feet.
  • Fact – When the toaster oven hits the basement floor, it automatically gains 1250% of its value in the life of a wife.
  • A new stray cat seems to have adopted us.
    • I call him ‘Tigger’ because he’s a rather large, affectionate tiger striped gray tabby.
    • For a while, we thought he was a she, and were worried that she might be pregnant.
    • I am happy to report that he’s not pregnant, just fat.
    • Luckily, Tigger seems to get along with the other cats.  He has to have been someone’s pet, because he likes scritches from anyone who will take the time and doesn’t run away when we approach.  We’ve inquired with the neighbors, but can find nobody who will claim him.
    • What is it with critters and our house?
  • The old Work in Progress is still with alpha readers, and I’ve begun work on the next idea to make its way to the top of my mind.  Making slow progress on this one, but it’s still moving.
  •   I’m thinking it might be a good idea to start putting naptime into my long-range project plans.
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