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Musings

  • Well, the Mueller report is out, and it seems to say whatever the people commenting on it want it to say.
    • I haven’t seen this much projection since I took a behind-the-scenes tour of a 15 screen movie theater when I was a Cub Scout.
  • Note to self – In the unlikely event that I become President, task #1 after the inauguration is to fire everyone I can legally fire.
    • Tast #2 is to replace them with overly loyal and, at least, somewhat competent people.
    • Seems like a good way to reduce the chances of getting shanked in the showers.
  • Interestingly enough, the person I was speaking to the other day about politics and the Notre Dame fire did not see the irony of believing that Bernie Sanders should be allowed to do whatever he wants with his money while at the same time believing that it’s evil to donate millions to restore a religiously and culturally significant building.
  • Irish Woman paid a nice young man to carve on her corneas with a ruby-chromium laser the other day. So far, so good. Of course, she could already freeze ice and/or kill with a glance.

Musings

  • Is it a bad thing that the first thought to go through my mind after I opened my eyes this morning was “Well, let’s get this shit show on the road.”?
    • My morning prayer has devolved down to “Dear Lord, please give me the strength to do what’s right and the patience to deal with those who don’t. But if it is your will that I choke the living !#$! out of someone today, your will be done.”
  • You’d think that as a boy learns to obsess over something new (Spiderman), he’d drop something else (Harry Potter, Narnia), wouldn’t you?
    • Could be worse. Could be Pokemon.
  • Met two veterans today. Even though we didn’t know each other from Adam, within 15 minutes, we were swapping stories like old friends. It was a good feeling.
  • We’ve reached that wonderful part of the year here in Kentucky where all of the outdoor plants are trying to kill me. We had a light rain the other morning, and it left a greenish-yellow sludge on the low spots in the parking lot at work.

Musings

  • Phrases I have used lately:
    • How about doing it the right way? We haven’t tried that yet!
    • No, I’m not bitter. I’m ‘burn the village to the ground and piss on the ashes’ angry.
    • You apologize to that lady over there or I’m gonna follow you home and beat your daddy’s ass for not raising you right.
    • Oh, I’m sorry. Am I not doing your job fast enough?
  • Don’t ever tell me that dog’s can’t understand English. Moonshine knows that “Clean up on aisle 2!” means that his master has dropped an entire bowl of cereal on the kitchen floor.
  • Someone at work thinks I’m joking when I say “Sleep is for the weak.”

Musings

  • Boo’s skill with the bow is improving. In fact, his school team has been invited to participate in the state meet.
    • He gets this particular skill from me, of course.
    • His mother doesn’t need a bow. She kills a thought and an icy stare.
  • Irish Woman’s arguments against moving to North Dakota are becoming weaker. It was only 10 degrees cooler in my hometown than in Louisville the other day.
    • Of course, that’s before you factor in the wind, but I’m not going to mention that to her.
  • Irish Woman gives me grief for being a soft touch, but we seem to have started quite a collection of Girl Scout cookies on the kitchen counter, and I haven’t even run into my pusher yet.
  • It’s standardized testing time at Boo’s school, or as we call it, “Annual No-Homework-But-Still-Early-Bedtime Week”.
  • I got to be arm candy for Irish Woman the other night when we were invited to tour the new snow leopard exhibit at the Lousville Zoo.
    • The new exhibit is wonderful, and we got to go behind the scenes to see the snow leopards and Siberian tigers.
    • The leopards were pretty calm and just watched the tourists go by.
    • The female tiger gave us a few growls, then lay her head down and snoozed.
    • The male, tiger, on the other hand, was having none of this.
    • I thought they were playing animal sounds outside for atmosphere. Nope, it was the male tiger roaring through several yards of concrete.
    • Did you know that a 400 pound male tiger roaring and leaping at the front of his enclosure will cause your heart rate to double in less than a second?

Musings

  • Of course I caught the flu. What else was I going to do over the next few days?
  • I’ve fallen asleep watching a docudrama about the Yellowstone supervolcano and a biographical series, in Russian, of Leon Trotsky.
    • Now, those made for some really sweet fever dreams.
  • Apparently, I’m grumpy when I’m sick. Who knew?
  • When it comes to my career, I should have listened to my mother. I’d have made a great piano player in a whorehouse.
  • Irish Woman and Boo are trying to figure out how to fit Cub Scout camp, a family reunion, a Caribbean cruise, tea with the Queen, a voyage to Mars, and some downtime into one weekend in June. I’m excited to see how it turns out.
  • I listened to a radio play of Heinlein’s Requiem the other day. I kept seeing an elderly Elon Musk as the main character.
  • Boo really likes LawDog’s African Adventures, but recently he asked his mother what White Horse whisky and Playboy magazine are.
    • Yeah, I had some ‘splaining to do.
  • I recently mailed a letter on official Hogwarts stationary and put a Scooby-Doo stamp on the envelope. The funny thing is that it didn’t seem at all odd.

Musings

  • Sleepover math: If each 11-year-old boy at the sleepover is to be offered enough nutrition to not starve to death between 4 PM on a Saturday until 10 AM the following morning, how much food must you have on hand?
    • Answer – 2 large cheese pizzas, 1 large pepperoni pizza, 1 large ham and pineapple pizza, 1 order each of breadsticks and garlic knots, a case of bottled water, a pound each of mandarin oranges and strawberries, one bag of microwave popcorn, a dozen donuts, a hotel breakfast buffet, and enough coffee to keep yourself sane.
    • That, by the way, is not an exaggeration.
  • One of the boys had never seen any Star Wars before the sleepover, and the other boys threatened bodily harm to anyone who spoiled it for him after I put the DVD in the player.
  • Watching a bunch of alpha-male young men try to play Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit was quite entertaining. I’ve watched old priests dicker over details of Christian dogma with less zeal than these kids did when arguing about each other’s answers to questions about Hogwarts.
  • If you’re working the oh-my-Lord-it’s-early shift at the donut place, please partake of some of your fine coffee before answering the drive-thru.
    • “A dozen plain donuts and a dozen mixed donuts” should not confuse you.
  • I know IrishWoman was trying to help me out on my diet, but I was kind of counting on having those leftover doughnuts and pizza for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
    • No, it’s fine. I like cold boiled eggs and cheese at 4 AM on a cold, rainy February morning.

Musings

  • Last weekend, I flew into the Airport That God Forgot – Newark.
  • The last time I flew through Newark, it was 1994.
    • We landed just ahead of a rather vicious storm, and were stuck in the airport for about 12 hours with a toddler.
    • I probably put in about 5 miles walking said toddler around the terminal.
    • Eventually, all of the military families used duffel bags and luggage to corral in all of our kids and let them loose so that we could all get something resembling a break.
  • Other than first thing Monday morning, traffic in New Jersey wasn’t bad.
    • I think I disconcerted some of the other drivers by doing things like letting folks merge, using my turn signal, and waving thank-you.
  • One thing I noticed was that the staff at the hotel seemed to be surprised when I was polite and friendly with them. It seems odd that they didn’t know how to handle a guest who said “Thank you” or actually talked to them.
  • Our instructor was a nice fellow who lives in Phoenix and had never seen a snow storm or temperatures at 0 degrees Fahrenheit. This week, he got a two-fer.
  • One of my work buddies is flying to Boston for more training on Superbowl Sunday. He’s a braver man than I.
  • TSA Pre-Check paid for itself on its first trip. It took longer to check my bag in Newark than it did to clear security.
  • What does it say about me that I’ve started taking an HDMI cable on business trips so that I can have a monitor when I work after hours in the hotel room?

Musings

  • The good news is that in the choice between a damaged television and a damaged Amazon Fire Stick, I got the broken Fire Stick.
    • We’ve been considering a new TV, but didn’t want to buy one this weekend.
  • Things I’ve decided as a parent:
    • Books are better than movies
    • Legos are better than Minecraft
    • Nerf guns are better than Fortnite
  • We got about three inches of wet snow, which rapidly turned to slush and then mud. It’s the natural cycle of things here in Louisville.
  • When your ten year old comes in from playing in the slush, then goes back out with a large glass of water, you know he’s creating something nefarious.
  • There’s a moment of absolute peace and well being when the dishes are done, the house is vacuumed, and the laundry is washed, dried, folded, and put away.
    • It’s only a moment, mind you, and then life reverts back to “hand grenade in a hen house” mode.

Musings

  • Ah, the sounds of the season. The hiss and pop of a warm hearth, the tick of the timer on an oven full of cookies, my youngest trying to figure out how to make Darth Vader’s theme song sound Christmasy on the keyboard, my wife muttering to herself as she finds yet another gift that needs wrapping, and the dog farting against a hardwood floor.
  • Irish Woman thought that the two, count them, two Harry Potter Lego sets Boo got from Santa would take him all week to assemble. Total build time – 6 hours to get both done.
  • They may sound like a gimmick, but a 25 pound quilt made for the best nap I’ve had in years.
    • Lifting it, on the other hand, wasn’t exactly easy. Imagine trying to lift 25 pounds of loose bubblegum that doesn’t want to stay in one blob.
    • Irish Woman pinky swears she didn’t pay retail price for it. I most certainly hope this isn’t one of those little white lies I hear so much about.
  • One bad thing about having two black dogs is that when they bolt on you after sunset, it’s like trying to chase shadows. Luckily, both of them came right back to the porch after the three of us did a few wind sprints up and down the block, in the dark, and across several lawns.

Musings

  • Trust is defined as giving your wife your debit card when she goes out a couple of days after Thanksgiving.
  • I’m not having leftover dressing for breakfast.  I’m having savory french toast casserole for breakfast.
    • In the same vain, it’s not a big bowl of pumpkin custard washed down with fresh coffee, it’s high-fiber and beta-carotine squash superfood accompanied by a hand-crafted artisanal energy drink.
  • Now that the political season is over and the Christmas season is beginning, it’s time to think of what to give your loved ones.
    • Considering how the political season went, I suggest canned food and shotguns.
    • I told Irish Woman that I fit very well in to a 62 grain 5.56.
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