What’s the difference between a Labrador Retriever and a Siamese cat? The Lab at least looks guilty when he’s caught trying to sneak a piece of pizza.
Thought for the Day
Posted by daddybear71 on July 13, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/13/thought-for-the-day-156/
30 Days of Marcus Aurelius – Day 9
As surgeons keep their instruments and knives always at hand for cases requiring immediate treatment, so shouldst thou have thy thoughts ready to understand things divine and human, remembering in thy every act, even the smallest, how close is the bond that unites the two. — Mediations, Book III
My Take – One of the reasons I continue to write here is that it gives my mind a little exercise every day. It’s not mental calisthenics like Sudoku. Rather, it’s more like a mental stretch. Keeping your mind sharp and being aware of what’s going on around you can allow you to see things you haven’t before and to understand how it and everything else around you fit together to make your world.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 13, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/13/30-days-of-marcus-aurelius-day-9/
Thoughts on the Evening
- Going out to Fort Knox to volunteer with training after having a doctor cut on my foot this afternoon probably wasn’t the most intelligent thing I’ve ever done.
- The rain hit as I was driving out to post, and had stopped by the time I parked. It was probably the most pleasant weather I’ve ever had for training. I’ll take a little mud at 73 degrees than dust at 95.
- I really appreciate units that train to standard, not to time.
- I really don’t like artillery simulators. I absolutely loathe grenade simulators. At least the artillery simulators give you a loud whistle before they explode.
- Taking cover behind an old car and noticing wires running to it is a hint to move yourself to a new spot, quickly.
- Three or four grenade simulators thrown on the porch of a building will scare the crap out of a colony of barn swallows.
- It’s easy to be excited and have fun the first couple of times you go through a training scenario. By the fourth go-round, you have to concentrate to play your part.
- I came home to the smell of blueberry jam being made. Irish Woman is thinking of buying a few pineapple and seeing what she can do. I think she may have a new hobby.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 12, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/12/thoughts-on-the-evening-4/
Taking it a bit far
A new tool in political campaigns is “tracking”. Basically, someone from opposing campaigns or the other party follow a candidate around with a video camera, film constantly, and put embarrassing footage onto the Internet in an effort to hurt the filmed candidate. Usually, this only happens at public appearances and such, but apparently some Democratic operatives have cranked it up a notch and are filming the homes and other non-public aspects of their lives.
Some would find that a bit intrusive and creepy, and they’d be right. But being the evil bastard that I am, I see this as an opportunity to screw with your opposing candidate. Here’s what I suggest candidates do when they notice some jackhole taking footage of their home or family:
- Sit on the porch while slowly sharpening a machete or an axe, and stare blankly at the camera.
- Go to the local stockyard, purchase a pig, sheep, or goat, and slaughter it in full view of the camera. Bonus points if you put the head on a spike and hang a sign with the name of your opponent on it.
- Put on your waders, camouflage clothing, and funny hat, get out your duck call, and sit in the front yard trying to call ducks in for an afternoon. Bonus points if you make a blind next to the bird bath.
- Dig a 6 by 6 by 3 foot hole in the front yard while occasionally checking to see if the yutz with the Nikon is still there.
- Send your spouse out with coffee and pastries every morning, just to be neighborly. After a few days, just as they’re about to take the first bite or sip, come running out of the house screaming “For the love of God, don’t eat that!”
- If you’re a middle-aged man, wash your car wearing nothing but a very tight, very short pair of Daisy Duke shorts. Bonus points of you squish out creamy lather all over your chest while you lick your lips at the moron with the camera.
- Go to the lumber yard and buy several truckloads of lumber of odd sizes and lengths. Spend several days nailing it all together into some random shape with no apparent rhyme or reason. After all of the lumber is used, look at it with a scowl for a little while, then get your chainsaw and cut it apart, leaving no piece of wood longer than six inches. Burn the wood in a bonfire to which you invite the uninvited cinematographer. Bonus points if you use the bonfire to roast the animal you slaughtered earlier.
- Hang a series of signs on the perimeter of your property. They should say “Beware of Wolverine” or “Danger – Eunuchs at Work”.
Any of these will mess with your opponent for weeks as they try to figure out what you are up to, and will give you hours of laughter.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 12, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/12/taking-it-a-bit-far-2/
30 Days of Marcus Aurelius – Day 8
He was a man who looked at what ought to be done, not to the reputation which is got by a man’s acts. — Meditations, Book I
My Take – It is better to do the right thing because it’s the right thing, not because others will notice. On the flip side, it is still wrong to do wrong, even when no-one will notice.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 12, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/12/30-days-of-marcus-aurelius-day-8/
Thought for the Day
After years and years of working for my daily bread, I have finally figured out my place in the universe. I am a Napoleon’s corporal. My entire career seems to be taking complex instruction sets and translating them into dirt simple terms. I wish I could say I do it because I enjoy interpreting intricate directions, but to be honest I do it because when I’m tired or rushed, instructions on the level of “pick up Rock A, Place it on Stone B, repeat until the wall is tall enough” are about all I can handle.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 12, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/12/thought-for-the-day-155/
News Roundup
- From the “Wurst That Could Happen” Department – A truck in Germany crashed recently, spilling its load of mustard and vinegar onto the roadway. The results are reported to be very odiferous. In related news, a Swedish company is in hot water after a rather…. suggestive advertisement for its sausage, featuring a woman’s lips wrapped around a sausage, caused an uproar. Between the two of them, I suddenly have a rather urgent craving for a hot dog with mustard and sauerkraut. Hey, sex sells, and I happen to think that good German mustard smells wonderful.
- From the “Bad Idea” Department – A man in Florida was arrested recently when he took his gun out of his pocket, put it on the counter at Walmart, demanded bullets, and threatened a police officer who was summoned to the store. Reports are that he was drinking in the parking lot before going into the store and that he does not have a concealed carry license. Wow, that’s a lot going on in one man’s afternoon. Guys, our cause is just, but the anti-gunners aren’t the only ones with bad apples.
- From the “Big Brass Ones” Department – A convenience store clerk recently won the “DaddyBear Annual Mal Hombre Award” when she told a woman who was trying to rob her store to get back in line and wait her turn. I wonder if she gave her the death stare too? The miscreant appears to have fled when the clerk called the police, but I’m pretty sure she won’t be messing with this particular store in the future.
- From the “Bad Things” Department – The leaders of several British banks will be lucky if all that happens to them is that they are sacked over a scandal involving a key interest rate. They are accused of falsifying data used to set the LIBOR rate, which has a tremendous amount of influence on business around the globe. I say they’d be lucky to be sacked, because if the economy nose dives because of their alleged behavior, I’m pretty sure that torches and pitchforks won’t be far off. By the by, Coffee and Markets had an excellent episode discussing LIBOR and this scandal the other day.
- From the “Go Fast, Turn Left” Department – A woman in Michigan is accused of dressing up the corpse of her housemate and propping him up to watch NASCAR with her. Having sat through a few NASCAR races on television, I can say that being embalmed helps. Whiskey is an embalming fluid, right?
Posted by daddybear71 on July 12, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/12/news-roundup-137/
New Animal Names
Scientists recently named a newly found marine crustacean for singer Bob Marley. Gnathus marleyi is found in the Caribbean, so the choice of Marley seems appropriate. Naming a species after someone could be a way to honor them, or it can be a way to describe the organism using the reputation of the person. For example, President Obama’s name has been used to name a species of lichen.
Here are some ideas I have for naming animals or plants after people I’ve met on-line:
- Panthera Renaissancei – A species of South African lion with wide ranging interests and skills.
- Alopex Wingwhimia – An arctic fox known for migrating south in small yellow conveyances.
- Crocuta Ragei – A strong animal which laughs a lot, but has a wicked temper if provoked.
- Anas Weerdii – A duck native to the northeastern United States. A loyal companion who is known to be wicked smart.
- Rattus Laboratoria – A native of the American Southwest, this rodent is known for doing impeccable research, creating extremely interesting articles on a wide range of topics, and making grown men cry when she demonstrates their ignorance.
- Erethizon Auntii – A woodland creature that normally keeps to herself, but becomes quite pointy and pugnacious if her young are threatened.
- Falco Brigidii – A sub-species of red-tailed hawk, this species writes wonderful missives about life, cooking, and dogs.
- Saguninus Slickii – A species known to flay the souls of the unwise with the aid of the contents of its snark bladder. This species occasionally migrates, but it travels light. In fact, it has been remarked that it hauls nothing but ass.
- Cebus Robertax – A highly intelligent primate, known for a fascination with old pieces of technology.
- Diomedia Anciens – This aquatic species is known to range around the world before returning to its home exhausted.
- Canus Patruus – This species, native to the American Southeast, is known for gathering together nuggets of information for the use of others, but really, he ain’t nothing but a hound dog.
- Macropus Julii – A species of Australian wildlife that enjoys cooking with her young, sleeping out in the bush, and introducing others to her pastimes.
As for myself, I’d like to be memorialized with Ursus Daddyi, a bear who loses quite a bit of its fur as it ages, raises a good number of cubs, and is known to migrate from time to time in search of new food.
Feel free to come up with your own candidates in comments.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 11, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/11/new-animal-names/
Today’s Earworm
Got to love Cookie Monster, my older brother from a different mother.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 11, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/11/todays-earworm-184/
30 Days of Marcus Aurelius – Day 7
Take heed not to be transformed into a Caesar, not to be dipped in the purple dye, for it does happen. Keep yourself therefore, simple, good, pure, grave, unaffected, the friend of justice, religious, kind, affectionate, strong for your proper work. Wrestle to be the man philosophy wished to make you. Reverence the gods, save men. Life is brief; there is but one harvest of earthly existence, a holy disposition and neighborly acts. — Mediations, Book VI
My Take – One of the things that will help me respect those in power, especially politicians, is if they remember where they come from. None of us are to the manor born here. We all come, one way or another, from people coming to these shores with very little to their name. No matter if you are generations removed from them, we all have ancestors who lived hand to mouth, struggling every day, but always striving to do better. When I see someone who forgets this, or who forgets that before they achieved a better station in life they led a much more modest life, they lose a lot in my estimation. I will always remember that I am the descendent of immigrant farmers and workers, and that at times in my life I have been perilously close to the edge of poverty. No matter where I live or how much I make, I will always know that I am no better than anyone else.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 11, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/07/11/30-days-of-marcus-aurelius-day-7/
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 