While recovering from Boo’s pool party and sleepover last night, a mis-quote from Highlander keeps running through my head.

I am Tom Rogneby of the Clan Rogneby. I was born in 1971 in the village of Minot on the shores of the River Souris. And I am sleep deprived.

It’s things like this that kept me out of the really good schools.

I either need more coffee or I need to cut back.

Today is Thunder Over Louisville, where the Kentucky Derby Festival kicks off with a few hundred thousand people cramming into downtown Louisville to watch planes, spend stupid amounts of money, get blackout drunk, and then drive home after watching a mediocre fireworks show.

It is also 4/20, a day in which those who enjoy partaking in the devil’s lettuce, the Maui Wowie, the chronic, the sticky icky, the dirty ditchweed, or whatever catchy name we want to use for bad choices buzz bud celebrate their intoxicant of choice.

Nothing bad can happen here. Seriously, days like this are one of the reasons I truly believe most cops aren’t paid enough.

I’ve been to Thunder a few times, and while it’s fun if you’re there with family and friends, especially with little kids who like fireworks, I’m over it.

Nobody who grew up next to Minot Air Force Base is impressed with this air show (Seriously, once you’ve watch a pair of B-52’s flow over low enough they have to worry about bayonets, a single fighter jet flying a few thousand feet up just doesn’t cut it.) or has actually seen actual explosives used with wild abandon for an actual purpose thinks that paying $20 for a bottle of bottled ‘water’, getting a sunburn that is spoken of in hushed tones during family cookouts, and watching a wave of powder smoke laced with heavy metals waft over the Ohio River is a good use of your day.

Two weeks from now, a group of horses who live better than 90% of the human species will run for a couple of minutes in front of a large crowd of drunk people. Between then and now, Louisville will come to a screeching halt as every drooling yokel in the county uses Derby as an excuse to not do anything of use to anyone.

I’m going to bed. Wake me up with Derby ends.

Die Hard – It ain’t Christmas until Hans Gruber does the Nestea plunge
Batman Returns – Catwoman. Need I say more?
Gremlins – Reminds me of Christmas with my ‘family’
Star Wars Holiday Special (with commercials) – It ain’t Christmas until Carrie Fisher sings
A Christmas Story – Every gun nut’s childhood fantasy.
Lethal Weapon – ‘Get that shit off my lawn’ is what I say every time I see lights being drug out of storage
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – Pretty much summed up my experience as an adult – nobody has time for you until they need you.
The Grinch – The animated one, not that Jim Carrey drek. The real animated one, not the modern emo garbage
Rankin and Bass The Hobbit – Peter Jackson ain’t Christmas
Home Alone – Every eldest child’s fantasy of waking up one morning and everyone is just gone
Nightmare Before Christmas – Because Tim Burton is a genius and deserves his own national holiday
Charlie Brown Christmas Special – Linus’ speech is as close to church as most people get
Frosty the Snowman – A big guy tries desperately to not slowly lose himself over a woman after she yanks him into existence.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FAFO Airlines flight 1323, offering a direct flight between Yakima and Savannah.

Our flight crew today is headed up by Captain Juliana Magillicutty and First Officer Francis K. Falkenmutter. Both are recent veterans of the United States Space Force. They’re not used to flying something as hands-on as the DC-3 we’re using today, but will muddle through as best they can.

Our cabin crew are Dave Beerstein, Sven Porkmore, and me, Olga Cutyakakoff. We will be coming through with a food and beverage cart once we have reached our cruising altitude of 137 feet. Tap water with ice we got from the fishmonger will be $10. Soft drinks and juices are available for $25 apiece. Beer and wine can be financed using the FAFOnline app on your mobile device.

We welcome aboard the three families with babies and small children making their first transcontinental flight this morning. Hearing protection and sedatives are available for $100 and $150 apiece.

Our flight time is expected to be anywhere between six and thirty-six hours, depending on wind, weather, and whether or not the Applebees at Denver Airport has 2 for 1 margaritas again this week.

This specially modified Douglas aircraft has two exits at the front, two over the wings, and one at the rear of the aircraft. In an emergency, lighting on the floor and above each of the exits will activate. Just head toward the light and you’ll be OK.

If you are seated in an exit row, please read the brochure taped to the wall next to you. If you cannot fulfill the duties outlined there, please let a cabin crew member know, and we will bungee cord you to the wing so that you have a chance to wallow in the shame your weakness brings to your ancestors. We will reallocate your seat to someone smart enough to know how to work a lever and lift out a door before leaping to safety.

Speaking of which, in an emergency, follow all directions of the cabin crew, including “Follow me!” as they execute a perfect exit dive through the nearest hole in the fuselage.

In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion, along with most of the other people on the aircraft, can be used as a flotation device.

In case of a loss of cabin pressure, a mask that you can pretend provides oxygen will drop from the ceiling. Put your own mask on before sitting back and watching the slow gasp for breath.

Our in-flight entertainment today will include classic episodes of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, Bonanza, and anything else I could pirate off the Internet last night. Ecologically responsible recycled headphones may be purchased for $35 a pair.

On behalf of your flight crew, we welcome you aboard, and hope you have a safe, enjoyable flight.

Over the past few months, we’ve been watching the movies that make up the Marvel Cinematic Universe. We had seen and liked Iron Man when it first came out, but for one reason or another, have never watched the rest of the films.

So, due to me being a big kid and Boo coming to that age where he could watch them, we decided to give them a whirl.

We finished up this morning by watching a matinee of Captain Marvel. Next comes the new Avengers movie at the end of April, then all of the rest that will flow from the great Disney hive mind over the next decade.

In no particular order, here are my impressions of the movies:

• Iron Man – Rich son of a World War II hero realizes that making weapons is bad when one is used on him. Makes up for it by creating the most advanced weapons system in the history of mankind.
• Iron Man II – Hero of the last movie turns into even more of a douche, then runs into the son of a man his father had deported back to the Soviet Union for the unforgivable sin of wanting to become rich.
• Thor – The eponymous God of Thunder gets a little tough love from Father Odin, then meets the girl of his dreams while at the same time learning that violence only solves family issues.
• Captain America: The First Avenger – A 90 pound weakling, while not posing for the before pictures in Charles Atlas comic book advertisements, is turned into the after picture for Charles Atlas comic book advertisements. Hijinks ensue when he discovers a talent for punching super-Nazis in the face.
• The Avengers – All of our heroes team up to fight an alien invasion. Said invasion is facilitated by Thor’s brother Loki, thereby proving that if you’re gonna kick your brother’s ass, you better make sure it’s well and truly stomped.
• Iron Man 3 – Our favorite poor little rich kid is back, this time whining about how he created his own problems by blowing off a disabled genius so that he could nail a hot genius. Tony Stark also learns the meaning of the phrase “Talk shit, get hit” when he challenges the big bad guy on national television and is thus treated to what we used to call the “Apocalypse Now” treatment.
• Thor: The Dark World – The God of Cream Rinse reunites with his lady love after she forgets the one rule any good D&D player knows: Never put your hand in the red glowy stuff you find in a dark cavern.
• Captain America: The Winter Soldier – Steve Rogers is becoming disillusioned with the world as he found it after unthawing, not unlike every other member of his generation who actually had to live through the flower children, disco, Jimmy Carter, M.C. Hammer, and the Clinton years. An old army buddy resurfaces for a heart-warming reunion, which is marred when everybody wants to murder said buddy, and he’s happy to reciprocate.
• Guardians of the Galaxy – The most relatable gang of A-holes ever comes together for a really fun heist movie. Between old pop culture references, pretty good music, and sexual innuendo, our heroes find time to save the universe from a threat almost nobody in the universe noticed.
• Avengers: Age of Ultron – Tony Stark and Bruce Banner unleash a menace upon the earth, mainly because they were bored and needed something to do. In order to destroy said menace, they repeat their experiment and create a new MCU character out of his personal version of SIRI. In between all this, they lay waste to cities on several continents, just going to show what a bunch of Americans can do if they put their minds to it.
• Captain America: Civil War – Tony Stark is appalled by the amount of destruction his little group can unleash on a long weekend, so quislings his way out of it by getting the UN to step in and put a leash on Captain America. Said Super Soldier goes rogue to save his old Army buddy, leading to one of the most stupendous beat downs I’ve seen in any movie. We are introduced to the new Spiderman and the little nation of Wakanda, a small place which I’m sure will have no important role to play in the rest of the series.
• Doctor Strange – An arrogant neurosurgeon puts himself through the spin-cycle once or twice, so he has to go to Tibet in order to become an arrogant mystical warrior monk. We learn that there are some things man isn’t meant to know. That is, of course, unless you happen to be an ex-neurosurgeon with a penchant for sneaking into the restricted section of the library after hours.
• Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 – Those lovable murder hobos are back, this time in a quest to get to know Peter’s dad. We learn the truth behind the hero’s heritage, and why the man who raised him has such a cool hair cut.
• Spiderman: Homecoming – Our friendly, neighborhood wall crawler is back, again, but at least we don’t have to endure another retelling of the legendary spider bite. This is the movie where I got in trouble for differentiating it from the older generations of Spidey movies by labeling it as “The one where Aunt May is hot”.
• Thor: Ragnarok – Odin is dead, Thor got left out of the will, and he has to perform in the arena for the mob. Thor also learns a valuable life lesson – If you can’t have your parents’ stuff after they die, hire a guy to burn the whole darned place to the ground.
• Black Panther – Noble Africans fight less-noble African Americans. Apparently all that technological advancement the Wakandans have never extended to ranged weapons.
• Avengers: Infinity War – You know, except for that whole universal genocide thing, Thanos is a really reasonable guy. Seriously, I wouldn’t mind having him as a neighbor. Marvel did a really good job of cleaning out the stable so that they can introduce fresh, new characters to make more movies and sell more lunchboxes.
• Captain Marvel – One of the best two hour recruiting ads I’ve ever seen. This movie has a strong female lead, a strong male lead, and a cat. What more can you ask for? Also, it adds more evidence to my theory that the Air Force has a near-monopoly on attractive women in its ranks.