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Things you wish you’d learned growing up

Cracked has a hilarious photoshop essay up about stuff we should have been taught in school (Link may be NSFW).

Here’s my favorite:

Those of you with kids will understand that sometimes the hardest thing to get your kids to understand is that they’re not a perfect little snowflake, and occasionally they need and deserve a boot in the ass.  Junior Bear and I went round and round about his schoolwork, and one of his main retorts was that his teachers loved him and told him he was doing fine.  Of course, the bleakly low grades on his report card kind of contradicted that worldview, but who was I to throw reality into the picture?

And don’t get me started about the recent college grads (or dropouts) who have been told their entire lives that all it takes is effort and a little PowerPoint to get through life.  I’ve watched several go into meltdown over the years when they were told that no-one gets paid for just showing up or for making something pretty that doesn’t actually accomplish anything.  My favorite was when a mini-project done by an intern at Fort Meade was described as a “self licking ice cream cone” by the crusty old warrant officer who she reported to.

So, what do you all wish you’d learned in school, or wish your kids would be taught today?

News Roundup

  • From the “Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator” Department – Fire officials in California are predicting that a tank full of liquid propane that has been on fire will soon explode after seeing signs of melting and cracking.  They worry that when that particular train car blows up, it will take the cars and other gas storage equipment around it along for the ride.  Thousands of homes have been evacuated.  Reminds me that I need to double-check our bug out bags.  Disasters don’t just come from Mother Nature. 
  • From the “Right to a Cavity Search” Department – The government has issued a new set of rights that airlines will have to respect when dealing with their passengers.  They include increased allowances for people who get bumped, more transparency about fees on websites, and restrictions on keeping passengers sitting on the tarmac during delays.  No word yet on dignity, personal space, or that pesky 4th Amendment. 
  • From the “That’s a Good Thing” Department – David Berkowitz, also known as the “Son of Sam” killer, has decided to not seek parole after 34 years in prison.  He believes that it is unnecessary since forgiveness of his crimes by Jesus Christ has already freed him no matter where he is.  While as a Christian I  believe that divine forgiveness is available to anyone, I don’t think parole is in the cards for Mr. Berkowitz, so this is a pretty safe thing for him to say.  Seriously, Mr. Berkowitz, Jesus may love you, but everyone else hopes you die in a fire.
  • From the “Stop Breathing So Deeply” Department – The Russian Progress spacecraft that was ferrying supplies to the International Space Station crashed in Siberia after failing to reach orbit.  I hope that the ISS was built and provisioned by preppers, because it’s a long way to Kroger from low earth orbit.  And you thought having a couple of weeks worth of food and water in your basement was a pain in the neck. 

Today’s Earworm

I couldn’t resist.

Thoughts on the Day

  • I’m glad to see that Qaddafi has been rousted from his compound in Tripoli.  Hopefully the shooting part of the kinetic action ends soon.  I look forward to the victory parade for President Obama in the press over the next couple of weeks.  But someone needs to tell the guys looting in Tripoli that what comes up must come down, and friendly fire isn’t.  Also, someone needs to make sure that President Obama isn’t handed an AK near anyone with a camera for the next few days, or he might just crank off a few rounds at the sky in celebration.
  • I’m glad that everyone on the East Coast came through the trembler today with no casualties.  No word from President Obama as to how many billions of federal dollars will be spent on shovel ready projects in response to the earthquake.  
  • The Atlantic coast from Washington DC to Key West is bracing for a hurricane.  I suggest that in addition to the canned food, plywood, bottled water, and batteries that are being bought in prep for the storm, that the hardy souls who are going to sit out the storm add a bottle of good bourbon.  Do it for the children.
  • Coming home in a filthy mood is not good for domestic tranquility.  That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
  • There is no such thing as a BooBoo proof gate latch.  Luckily he only went as far as the neighbor’s pear tree before we noticed he was gone.

Dear Netflix,

I wanted to say thank you for giving me an opportunity to examine another aspect of my monthly expenses and compare what I pay for with what I actually use.  I’ve been getting disks from you for a year or so, but I realize now that I only exchange one or two disks a month, which makes the cost of renting them from you very expensive on a per disk basis.  Now that you’ve decided that you want to bring the cost of having physical media delivered to my home expensive enough that I have to make this calculation, I’ve decided I no longer wish to pay for a service that I do not use very much.

Since we do use the streaming content portion of your service quite a bit, we will continue to do business with you.  But I must tell you that there are other options for streaming movies and other content.  You can either improve the number of titles you provide across the Internet, or wait for one of your competitors to overtake you and earn my business.

It’s your choice.

Sincerely,

Daddy J. Bear

Why it’s fun

I don’t talk about work too much here.  My employer’s policy on blogging and other uses of social media is very strongly worded, and I’m under no illusions as to the speed with which my employment would be terminated if I brought up dirt on the company in such a public forum.

The IT organization I work in is pretty mature.  In a field where you expect to move to a new job every two years, our company still expects that if you work hard and stay out of trouble, you will retire with a pretty generous set of benefits after more than 20 years of doing various jobs within the organization.  The trade off for that is you don’t tend to work with the bleeding edge of technology, and you do things their way unless told to figure out something new.   Big companies don’t stay profitable by chasing the technology dragon and trying every high-speed thing that comes up at conferences.  There’s something to be said for using mature, stable technology to turn a profit.

We work under a lot of guidance to use the same procedure to do the same thing every time.  Standardization and lots and lots of planning is the order of the day.  This can lead to a lot of talking followed by short bursts of actual technical work.  My normal rhythm is to spend six to eight weeks of planning and coordination followed by four to six weeks of implementing those plans.  Of course, there’s always the day to day work of monitoring my systems and fixing things that break.  Also, not everything is as well planned as it should be, so there is also a lot of work that goes from requirements and planning to implementation and documentation pretty quickly.

Sunday night was supposed to be a pretty boring example of “plan a lot, implement a little”.  All I was doing was patching the OS on a few servers and working with a hardware technician to update the firmware on the box itself.  Sounds pretty simple and boring, doesn’t it?

Three quarters of the work was exactly that.  I worked from a good project plan, and the techs who worked with me were competent and had done their part before.  Everything went smoothly, at least for a while.

It’s that last quarter that made the job interesting.

One of the servers went into a reboot loop.  That means that after applying power to the system, the operating system would try to come up, something would happen, and it would restart.  Repeat ad infinitum.

One of the other servers refused to even get that far.  The system would come up and test itself when plugged in, but would stop before even trying to boot.

For the first box, we did a lot of troubleshooting.  Booting into a maintenance mode didn’t show anything wrong with the system.  The hardware logs were useless, and when we’d checked everything and bounced the box, it went right back into its loop.  The technician grabbed a spare box, put the hard drives from my system into it, and it booted as if nothing was wrong.  Well, almost.  All of those reboots had damaged a few things, so I had to fix those too.  Eventually, though, the system came back up as happy as could be.

The other box required some hardware voodoo to fix.  The technician rolled the bones, muttered some profane incantations, and the box came up.  From my perspective, this one was easier than the other one, but still required some recovery work to fix things.

Guess which portion, the easy and sane or the harder and insane, portion of the nights work I enjoyed more.  If you said “You enjoyed reacting to unforeseen problems”, there is a box of cookies in the back of the room.  You can help yourself.

There’s a fine line between challenging and grinding, and that night I was in the zone.  Three quarters of the night was spent following a project plan.  The other quarter was spent diagnosing and solving problems, and I had a ball doing it.

In any job, you have to strike that balance.  If all you do is follow procedures all day, you’ll get bored and lose interest.  If all you do is fight dragons, eventually you’ll burn out.  Finding the right balance between boring/easy work and interesting/challenging work keeps your head in the game for the long haul.

Good

The United States Olympic Committee has announced that there will be no United States city competing for the 2020 Olympics.  Apparently there’s some high level pissing match over money that’s blocking the process.

My reaction:  It’s about darned time.

I like sports as much as the next guy, and you see the best athletes in the world come together every couple of years in the Summer and Winter Olympics. I think the ideal of young athletes from around the globe coming together to compete on an even plane is wonderful.  Unless of course you count the professional athletes screwing up basketball and hockey, but that’s a rant for another time.  Or the athletes that dope the heck out of themselves with the full support and cooperation of some of the the best bio-chemists on the planet, but I digress.

But you also see the country, state, and city that are hosting it spend years of time and billions of dollars getting ready, running the darn thing, and then figuring out what to do with all of the venues they created for the games.  Seriously, does Chicago need more swimming pools and stadiums?

The Olympic ideal of young people and nations coming together peacefully without regard to politics fell apart in 1936 and has never come back.  The rampant nationalism of the Cold War continues to this day as the U.S., Russia, and China hiss and spit at each other every 2 years.  Instead of natural talents being nurtured and displayed to show how humanity can come together to peacefully compete, we get academies for gymnastics, figure skating, and whatever other events countries want to stake their national pride on.  Instead of talented teenagers being plucked from academic sports programs and sent to compete, we get battalions of five-year-olds doing nothing but figure out how to put one more spin into their ice skating jump when they turn 16.

The United States needs to rethink whether or not it wants to continue to make NBC rich by participating in the Olympics at all.  Yes, we don’t directly subsidize the USOC through tax dollars, but any time one of our cities gets delusions of grandeur about hosting the games, we end up spending our treasure and prestige to ‘convince’* the IOC to honor us with their presence.  From a hardnosed financial and national policy perspective, we need to ask what we’re getting out of it.  The answer, as far as I can tell, is less than nothing.

We don’t get credit for running a good set of games once the torch goes out.  No country that opposes us in the real international arena gives an inch because we were gracious hosts to their athletes.  No third-world oil baron decides to buy American equipment or services because he liked the way the stadium at the Olympics was built.

The United States needs to wake up and realize that the Olympics are a vanity project at best, and a money pit at worst.  Our time and treasure would be better spent on something that produces better results than a few metallic trinkets on ribbons and a really neat track and field stadium.

*convince:  (konvins), noun, see “bribe”

Spiderweb Pic

We saw this rather impressive spiderweb strung across part of our back yard on Saturday morning.

The industrious arachnid had run one long line from a bush in the neighbor’s yard to the one of the cherry trees, then run from the cherry tree across our patio and back yard to the maple tree.  She then created a large web that ran almost to the ground.  So she basically ran a 20 to 25 foot support line between three trees, and then made a pretty good web in one night.

All the cool kids are doing it

Ever one to jump onto a bandwagon, here’s the NPR’s list of top 100 SF and fantasy books.  I’ll bold the ones I’ve read.

1. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien
2. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
3. Ender’s Game, by Orson Scott Card
4. The Dune Chronicles, by Frank Herbert
5. A Song Of Ice And Fire Series, by George R. R. Martin
6. 1984, by George Orwell
7. Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
8. The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov
9. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
10. American Gods, by Neil Gaiman
11. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman
12. The Wheel Of Time Series, by Robert Jordan
13. Animal Farm, by George Orwell
14. Neuromancer, by William Gibson
15. Watchmen, by Alan Moore
16. I, Robot, by Isaac Asimov
17. Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein
18. The Kingkiller Chronicles, by Patrick Rothfuss
19. Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
20. Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley
21. Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, by Philip K. Dick
22. The Handmaid’s Tale, by Margaret Atwood
23. The Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King
24. 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke
25. The Stand, by Stephen King
26. Snow Crash, by Neal Stephenson
27. The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury
28. Cat’s Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
29. The Sandman Series, by Neil Gaiman
30. A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess
31. Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein
32. Watership Down, by Richard Adams
33. Dragonflight, by Anne McCaffrey
34. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, by Robert Heinlein
35. A Canticle For Leibowitz, by Walter M. Miller
36. The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells
37. 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, by Jules Verne
38. Flowers For Algernon, by Daniel Keys
39. The War Of The Worlds, by H.G. Wells
40. The Chronicles Of Amber, by Roger Zelazny
41. The Belgariad, by David Eddings
42. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley
43. The Mistborn Series, by Brandon Sanderson
44. Ringworld, by Larry Niven
45. The Left Hand Of Darkness, by Ursula K. LeGuin
46. The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien
47. The Once And Future King, by T.H. White
48. Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman
49. Childhood’s End, by Arthur C. Clarke
50. Contact, by Carl Sagan
51. The Hyperion Cantos, by Dan Simmons
52. Stardust, by Neil Gaiman
53. Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson
54. World War Z, by Max Brooks
55. The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle
56. The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman
57. Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett
58. The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever, by Stephen R. Donaldson
59. The Vorkosigan Saga, by Lois McMaster Bujold
60. Going Postal, by Terry Pratchett
61. The Mote In God’s Eye, by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
62. The Sword Of Truth, by Terry Goodkind
63. The Road, by Cormac McCarthy
64. Jonathan Strange, Mr Norrell, by Susanna Clarke
65. I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson
66. The Riftwar Saga, by Raymond E. Feist
67. The Shannara Trilogy, by Terry Brooks
68. The Conan The Barbarian Series, by R.E. Howard
69. The Farseer Trilogy, by Robin Hobb
70. The Time Traveler’s Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger
71. The Way Of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson
72. A Journey To The Center Of The Earth, by Jules Verne
73. The Legend Of Drizzt Series, by R.A. Salvatore
74. Old Man’s War, by John Scalzi
75. The Diamond Age, by Neil Stephenson
76. Rendezvous With Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke
77. The Kushiel’s Legacy Series, by Jacqueline Carey
78. The Dispossessed, by Ursula K. LeGuin
79. Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury
80. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
81. The Malazan Book Of The Fallen Series, by Steven Erikson
82. The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde
83. The Culture Series, by Iain M. Banks
84. The Crystal Cave, by Mary Stewart
85. Anathem, by Neal Stephenson
86. The Codex Alera Series, by Jim Butcher
87. The Book Of The New Sun, by Gene Wolfe
88. The Thrawn Trilogy, by Timothy Zahn
89. The Outlander Series, by Diana Gabaldan
90. The Elric Saga, by Michael Moorcock
91. The Illustrated Man, by Ray Bradbury
92. Sunshine, by Robin McKinley
93. A Fire Upon The Deep, by Vernor Vinge
94. The Caves Of Steel, by Isaac Asimov
95. The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson
96. Lucifer’s Hammer, by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
97. Doomsday Book, by Connie Willis
98. Perdido Street Station, by China Mieville
99. The Xanth Series, by Piers Anthony
100. The Space Trilogy, by C.S. Lewis



Apparently I need to start reading more SF and fantasy.  I shall hang my head in shame.

Stump Speech # 1

Good evening.  It’s great to be attending the (NRA/SAF/CALGUNS/ETC) meeting here in ___________.  I’m here to discuss Candidate X and (his/her) position on guns.

First, let me introduce myself.  I am Daddy J. Bear.  I grew up around guns, and as an adult came to realize that gun rights for the American citizen are civil rights, no less than the right to publish a newspaper or have a lawyer represent you in court.  I am a member of the NRA and the SAF, and have blogged a bit about guns and gun rights at my blog.  I am a proud gun owner, target shooter, and attempted hunter.

Candidate X and I share much the same beliefs about guns and gun rights.  Basically, it’s none of the government’s business whether or not a citizen owns guns, which guns they own, or whether or not they carry a gun in a lawful manner.  Unless you break a law, you should be left alone.  Gun rights are important in America for a number of reasons, but the ones that come to mind immediately are these:

  • Self defense – I do not want to the United States become a country that has a policeman on every street corner, but that’s what it would take for law enforcement to provide the same amount of defense to people and property as an armed populace provides.
  • National Defense – A nation of riflemen is a nation that can defend itself.  If a young man or woman is brought up in the shooting sports, they have a leg up on someone who has to be convinced that a gun will not reach up and bite them and then taught how to shoot.  
  • Keeping the Government Honest – As much as I enjoy target shooting and hunting, that’s not why the Founding Fathers put the Second Amendment into the Bill of Rights.  They knew that a government that controlled the weapons of its people could easily control the people themselves.  So they put in language that limited the government to regulating, not outlawing, firearms and the manner in which the civilian population can obtain and use them.  A government that has nothing to fear from its citizens becomes a tyranny very quickly.

Recognizing these and the myriad other reasons that we value the civilian ownership and use of firearms in our country, Candidate X and I, when we are elected, plan to do the following to protect and re-establish gun rights:

  • Within the first 100 days of the administration, we will introduce legislation to amend or repeal the National Firearms Act of 1934, the Gun Control Act of 1968, and the Firearms Owners Protection Act of 1986.  In NFA 34, we will remove language that deals with suppressors, short barreled rifles, and short barreled shotguns.  A suppressor is nothing more than a muffler for a gun, and there are specific reasons a gun owner may wish to own a short barreled rifle or shotgun.  In GCA ’68, we will remove the prohibition against interstate commerce in pistols, and relax provisions pertaining to the purchase of firearms through the mail.  We went almost 200 years in this country where you could legally ship a gun from one state to another without having to go through an FFL, and we see no reason to stop that now.  As for FOPA ’86, we will remove the provision that prevents the transfer of a newly manufactured automatic weapon to private citizens.  If you want to burn up your ammunition with a gun that is equipped with a happy switch that is newer than Return of the Jedi, have at it.
  • In addition, we will introduce legislation supporting national reciprocity of concealed carry licenses.  If you can get a driver’s license in Maine and have it recognized in Oregon, then your main CCW license should be just as good in Oregon.  Of course we will leave it up to each of the several states to come up with their own laws as to how and where a gun may be carried by citizens within their borders.  Whether or not a state requires a CCW license in order to carry a gun is up to the states, but we will encourage this at the federal level.  
  • We will also direct the civil rights division of the Department of Justice to work through the courts to assist citizens whose gun rights have been infringed upon by states whose gun laws are so restrictive that they restrict gun ownership, carry, and use.  Things that will bring the weight of the federal courts and the Attorney General down on a state include may issue CCW laws or a lack of CCW at all, gun registration and gun ownership licensing, lists of allowable guns, or onerous fees and requirements for a citizen to get a CCW license.  
  • We will direct the director of the Civilian Marksmanship Program to expand that organizations efforts to promote gun safety training and marksmanship programs in our nations high schools and universities.  We ask that the NRA and other gun rights groups put their weight behind these efforts in order to promote this effort.
  • Candidate X and I will never sign international treaties that infringe on the 2nd Amendment or any other Constitutional guarantee of rights, and we will pull out of any such treaties that have already been signed but not ratified by the Senate.  If a treaty that the Senate has ratified infringes on any civil right of our citizens, we will work with Congress to have that ratification revoked.
  • We will work with the CMP and our foreign allies to repatriate as many of the weapons that we have loaned or sold to the world over the last 100 years.  These weapons of war can be brought back and resold to our citizens at a profit to the CMP and used to train the next generation of citizens to be responsible gun owners.  We built these guns, we paid for them, and now we should bring them home so that they can be used once again to make America stronger.

Candidate X and I truly believe that a nation of people who own and use their guns is a nation that respects itself and will stand on its own without government interference.  We also believe that with every right in the Constitution comes a responsibility to use it responsibly.  You have the right to print a newspaper, but you do not have the right to libel someone or to plagiarize their work.  As gun owners and shooters, our 2nd Amendment rights are tempered by our responsibility to police ourselves, lest those who want to take them away become emboldened to try again.  The NFA and GCA were passed because of a public perception that the common ownership and use of firearms of certain types was causing problems in our society.  If the most onerous parts of these and other gun control laws are stripped away, we must, as responsible gun owners, prevent those who would abuse gun rights from becoming a big enough problem that anti-rights groups can take our rights away again.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have one final request for you:  Get involved.  Whether or not you support Candidate X, become as involved as you can in this election and the political process.  Vote, and encourage those around you, including those who disagree with you, to go to the polls in November.  Take your children with you to the polls so that they learn how easy it is to vote and can see how important it is to make your voice heard through the ballot box.  On other political matters, learn about the issues that Congress and the President are dealing with, and make sure they know how you feel about them.  Write to your legislators, both here in _____ and in Washington.  Go to their offices and tell them in person what you think they should do.  Attend rallies and demonstrations so that they know it’s not just a few people trying to talk to them, but rather a vast multitude of voters.

My fellow citizens of the United States of America, we are fortunate in that a lot of the restrictions to our gun rights are being won back, even when opposed by the government.  The National Rifle Association, the Second Amendment Foundation, and the myriad other pro-rights groups in our country are doing wonderful things through the state legislatures and the courts.  Now, it’s time to send a president who understands and supports gun rights to Washington.  I hope that throughout the campaign, the election, and the administration of Candidate X, you will support us as we try to continue the trend of restoring and protecting gun rights to the people of the United States.

Thank you for your time.   God bless you, and may He continue to bless America.