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Overheard in the Kitchen

Irish Woman, baking Girlie Bear’s birthday cake – DB, can you come in here?
DaddyBear – Yes, sweetie?
Irish Woman – Can you get the vegetable oil down from the very tippy top shelf in the pantry where you put it?
DaddyBear – Of course, love of my life, apple of my eye, cream of my coffee, Jessica to my Roger, Juliet to my Romeo, Mary Ann to my Gilligan….
Irish Woman – Would you just get the darn oil down, you goof?

Oh yes, it’s love.

Today’s Earworm

I’m not really a country or bluegrass fan, but for some reason, this is one of my favorites.

T-Shirt Idea

We were discussing guns in GBC last night*, and I brought up cap and ball revolvers.

Then it occurred to me.  People who shoot cap and ball guns are really proud of their guns (I know, who isn’t?), and they might like some apparel to get people to notice their rather unique firearm.

What I have in mind is a t-shirt with a picture of a cap and ball revolver with the slogan “My gun has nipples” across it.  Sell them at gun shows and such.

What do y’all think?  Too juvenile, or just juvenile enough?

*I know, go figure.

Today’s Earworm

It’s been one of those days.  I need some bad attitude music.

Thoughts on the Day

  • There is a certain amount of satisfaction in finishing a project that you’ve let sit undone for a long time.
  • Children seem to have an instinctual ability to become cute just as their parents are about to lose their cool.
  • It saddens me to realize that the young lady I took for a babysitter or older sister at the playground turns out to be the very young mother of the cute little kindergartener who was taking turns on the slide with Boo.
  • When given the option between watching a movie or taking a nap after lunch, take the nap.
  • Taking the family out to get dinner at a drive-in restaurant on a warm August night is a very nice way to cap the day.
  • My little girl turns 13 tomorrow.  She’s noticing boys, but doesn’t seem to notice when they notice her.  I’m in big trouble when that little circumstance changes.
  • When your youngest son climbs you like a tree and the doctor on the other end of the phone with your wife asks if everything is OK, then maybe you cried out in pain a little too loud.
  • There are few better ways to end a Saturday than by drinking a huge glass of Southern Comfort and Coke while watching the Muppet Show.

Today’s Earworm

This one comes with a story.

This morning, as Irish Woman was driving Boo to daycare, she was listening to one of the local classic rock stations.  She was paying more attention to the traffic than the song until she heard the chorus of this little ditty coming from the backseat:

Boo was singing along “hiwaah to heww” throughout the refrain.

I’ve never been so proud.

I’ll Do It

According to Politico, the discussions about who will be the vice-presidential running mate for whoever gets the Republican nomination next year are already starting up.  Marco Rubio of Florida seems to be the favorite so far.  He’s Hispanic, conservative, and from Florida, one of the king maker swing states, so he’s very desirable for the second spot on the GOP ticket.

I’ve decided to indicate my interest in the job.  Here’s what I can bring to the ticket:

  • I’m from the upper Mid-west, but I’ve lived all over this great land of ours, so I can speak to and appeal to lots of crowds.
  • I’ve actually held down a non-governmental paying job in my lifetime.  That alone give me a big leg up.
  • I’m ex-military, and I’m not afraid to go all Gunnery Sergeant Hartman on a wayward general or admiral.  
  • I’m socially moderate, meaning I don’t care who sleeps with whom or how they find their personal high as long as they don’t bother the neighbors.
  • I’m fiscally conservative, meaning that I truly believe that every penny that flows out of Washington should be tax money, not borrowed money, and that we should only spend on things that are absolutely necessary.
  • I’m not afraid to be a hatchet man with anyone.  Seriously, I would love to make Wolf Blitzer cry like a little girl on national TV.  It’s a life goal of mine.
  • I know how to keep my zipper zipped, so you won’t have to worry about me embarrassing you with a sex scandal.
  • I’m a heck of a nice guy, unless you make me angry.  Don’t make me angry.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
  • I’ve never held elective office, so there’ll be no embarrassing record for your opponents to grab onto.  Hey, it worked for Obama.
  • I’m a true American mutt.  I can campaign at Oktoberfests, Norsk Huskefests, Saint Patrick Day Parades, and anywhere else they need someone to tap a keg or pour the whiskey.
  • I know when to shut up, which is a great improvement over the current guy in the VP’s office.
  • I don’t want to be president, so you won’t have to worry about me undermining you so I can run against you in four years.  Not to say that I’m not ready to take over as president and get the job done.  It’s just that I don’t sit in my living room at night fantasizing about all the neat things I could do while sitting in the big chair in the Oval office.

Yes, I won’t agree with everything my running mate may do or say, and I won’t be shy about it.  But if elected, when given a priority by the president, I’ll get it done, with or without the use of high explosives, but preferably with high explosives.  I’ve been used as a training aide by Army interrogators, so I know a thing or two about locking a recalcitrant White House staffer in a room and getting him to agree to support something without leaving a mark.  I’d make a great guy for you to point to and say “Hey, you can work with me on this, or I can unleash the Bear.  It’s your choice.”.

I even have some good ideas for fellow bloggers who could round out the cabinet and get fresh ideas for our country.  Getting a few non-career politicians into the Departments of Defense, Interior, Justice, and Treasure Treasury would go a long way towards making things make sense again.

So what do you all think?  Would I make a good second half to a presidential ticket?

Losing My Religion

This morning I was in the break room getting something to drink when something hit me.  I haven’t had a cup of coffee since the 4th of July weekend.  When I had my surgery, hot liquids of any kind were off the table, and since I’ve been able to handle pretty much any food or drink I want, I haven’t had a hankering for coffee.  No home brew, no Starbucks, nothing.

For me, this is strange.  I’ve been drinking coffee in one form or another since I was an infant.  I’ve gone from a raging maniac over coffee a couple of years ago to a casual, social coffee drinker, and now it seems I’m off of it completely.

I still have a soda occasionally, but I’ve just lost my craving for coffee.

A few months ago, I realized I had totally lost my sweet tooth. The only sweet things I still enjoy are an occasional dish of ice cream and a mug of hot chocolate.  Everything else, including cookies, cakes, candy, and especially chocolate are off my menu for the most part.  Eating a candy bar actually makes my teeth hurt.

And the other day I tried to drink a beer, and realized I really didn’t care for the taste anymore.  I’ve never been a heavy drinker, and so far wine and other drinks are still enjoyable, but my taste for beer is waning. I’ll try a few other kinds of beer and see if it’s just IPA’s I’ve lost my taste for.

I’m not sure what’s happening to me, but I suppose it’s for the best.  My addictions to coffee and sugar weren’t good for me.  Depending on which study you believe, I was probably drinking too little for my health, but I did enjoy a beer on a hot day.

So far, I still enjoy bacon and bourbon, so there’s still hope for me.

But at what point should I consult a medical professional?  When bacon is just salty fat?  I sincererly hope it never gets to that point.

Update – Good Lord!  I just admitted to another gunny that I may buy myself a Glock if I can find one that’s priced right, and that the mini-van was a wise choice in cars!  What’s happening to me!!!!!!

News Roundup

  • From the “Schlong Becomes Schlort” Department – A Kentucky man is suing his urologist because the doctor removed his penis when cancer was found during a circumcision.  Every man reading this just crossed his legs.  But imagine coming out of surgery, and having your little soldier gone completely.  No reports yet if the suicide hotline will be called as a witness.
  • From the “Going to Hell on a Scholarship” Department – A Florida man is being charged with animal cruelty after running over a group of baby ducks with a lawn mower while laughing.  That’s right.  He turned baby ducks into MiracleGro and appeared to be having the time of his life while doing it.  I suggest we bury him up to his neck and see how he likes it.  No word yet on whether or not he will be referred to the urologist from Kentucky.
  • From the “Who Let Him Out of His Cage?” Department – Reporters are charging that Chinese officials got physical when they tried to get journalists to leave a venue in which Vice President Biden was speaking. I hate to tell the Chinese this, but taking away his audience isn’t going to shut Biden up.  Seriously, he’s really just talking to the voices in his head. 
  • From the “Officious Prick” Department – A terminally ill woman in Oregon was told to shut down her backyard garage sale when some soulless neighbor called the city to complain.  Someone needs to tell the city managers of Salem the difference between legal and just.  And someone needs to find the neighbor who called in the cancer patient’s attempt to raise some money to stay off the public dole and beat them with the passenger door from an 1974 Ford Grenada until they grow some compassion.
  • From the “Yeah, That’ll Work” Department – President Obama has signed an executive order that calls for the Syrian president to resign, orders the government to cut ties with the Assad regime in Syria, and imposes economic sanctions against Syria.  This follows the glorious example of the sanctions that Jimmy Carter imposed on Iran in 1979, which quickly led to the fall of the Khomeini regime and made Iran a shining example of democracy in the middle east.  And of course we all know how economic sanctions and diplomatic isolation has made North Korea a paragon of liberal deomocracy and an economic powerhouse.  Something tells me the best thing we could do for the protesters in Syria would be to airdrop in pallets of AK-47’s, RPG-7’s, and boatloads of ammunition, then make popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Another Remake Movie I’ll Miss

According to Big Hollywood, during a recent interview the director of the recent Planet of the Apes remake used the movie’s protagonist, a chimpanzee that has gained the ability to speak English, to evoke the image of Che Guavera.  For those of you who were educated in the American school system, Che Guavera was the Cuban Communists’ analog to Felix Dzerzhinski and Lavrenti Beria.

Wait a minute… hmmm……

Let’s try to explain that a bit.  Guavera stood up the Cuban Communist secret police, massacred peasants who didn’t bend their knees to the hammer and sickle, and tried to export his genocidal ideology to the rest of Latin America and Africa.  He was eventually killed while running like a scalded dog from government troops in Bolivia.

No, that’s probably assuming too much.  Hmmmmm.

OK, let’s try this:  Contrary to what that really neat economics and history professor told you, Guavera was a cowardly butcher who preferred to kill off those who disagreed with him rather than either modify his own beliefs when they were proven wrong or convince his opponents of the rightness of his position through argument and example.  He made it even worse by putting together his own unique blend of sadists and muscle to break heads and bust caps on anyone who dared to show a little thoughtfulness before acquiescing to his demands.  He then tried to ‘convince’ the downtrodden populations of the rest of the Third World that giving up self-direction and personal freedom was better than cyclically electing the best and brightest to try to bring their lives out of the crapper.  Yeah, the guy on that really neat OD green t-shirt was a putz.  We’d all have been better off if his mother had drowned him at birth.

Did y’all get that?  Good.

For those of you who understood what I meant before reading past the first paragraph, thanks for hanging with me while I brought the others up to speed. Now back to my rant.

I have had it up to here with ‘entertainment’ being used to shove revisionist history of Fascism, Communism, terrorists, and athlete’s foot down my throat.  Nazi’s are always evil, as are communists, people who blow up pizza restaurants for fun and profit, and the guy who invented talking toy robots with no volume control or off button.  Their image cannot be rehabilitated and those who try to do it are either uneducated, intellectually dishonest, or a little of both.

Here are some plot elements of which I have no interest in and will waste neither my time nor my money on:

  • Soldiers of any nation treated as doops, idiots, or victims who didn’t know better and were betrayed by The Man
  • Soldiers that are nothing but sadists who are given a license to prey upon the poor people they come across in their conquests
  • Members of any species, race, religion, or political leaning shown as being uniformly evil or virtuous
  • Evil corporations who subvert government to maximize profit, preferably by causing harm to ordinary folk
  • Plucky single mothers who are able to make a great life for themselves and their children while afflicted by the presence of the ubiquitous evil penis owners, all while still able to keep their active social life going
  • Humans and their evil technology which does nothing but despoil otherwise pristine, virginal Nature
  • Communist revolutionaries or their symbolic surrogates who do nothing but fight against the plight of the common man while creating a new, better world.

I have known many people from Latin America whose lives were adversely effected by the Communist ideology exported from Cuba by Che Guavera and his ilk, so this kind of stuff trips a trigger with me. Che Guavera, Stalin, Beria, Pol Pot, and the rest of that crowd of mass murderers deserve nothing but our scorn.  The ‘intellectuals’ who lionize them deserve no better.  I gave up on such ‘entertainment’ long ago, and I don’t see anything that will entice me back into the theater coming along anytime soon.