America has a new citizen.  Iain Harrison took the oath of citizenship a couple of weeks ago.

I met Iain briefly at the NRA convention this spring*, and a nicer guy hasn’t been made.  He seems like a good addition to our little melting pot.

Welcome Iain.  Glad to have you!

*No, I didn’t make it to the infamous dinner out with the rest of the gun blogosphere.  I begged off due to fatigue from driving from Louisville, sitting in Pittsburgh traffic, then walking around the floor all day.  Better luck next time.  Sounds like I missed a heck of a good time.

Fox News is reporting that Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) is changing its name to “Ansar al Sharia”, or “Army of Islamic Law”.  This is being done in an effort to move beyond the negative connotations that “Al Qaeda” has gained in the past decade or so.

Here are my ideas that these nutjobs could use to help with their re-branding:

• Change your outfits. White and tan man dresses are so 2001.  I suggest teaming up with Hugo Boss to get some new duds.  I’m sure they can do wonders for you; just look what they did for Himmler.
• In order to soften the blow of recruiting suicide bombers, begin calling them “Semtex delivery and implementation specialists”.
• In order to put a more “everyman” face on your religion, ‘convince’ Garrison Keillor to convert so that he can give long, soporific monologues about all the old Norwegian ladies down at the mosque.
• Stop using middle-eastern music as the soundtrack to the videos. That stuff makes me want to stick my head into a grinder.  Seriously, if you’re trying to appeal to a younger, hipper audience, go with someone like “Insane Clown Posse”.
• Come to think of it “Insane Clown Posse” might be a better new name than “Ansar al Sharia”.  Look into options for buying the rights.
• One word:  Piercings.  No-one’s going to question your dedication if you have a hole in your nose big enough to pass a .50 BMG round through.
• Nothing better than following a popular trend:  Start inserting references to bacon, zombies, and vampires into your tape-recorded harangues.

I’m sure that these and other actions could go a long way towards changing perceptions of AQAP from  12th century assbags into 21st century assbags.

Actresses are reporting that sexual harassment and assault happen quite often in Hollywood, with some prominent actors, directors, and other entertainment ‘professionals’ using their fame and power to pressure young actors and actresses into sex or just outright raping them.  Reports to police are rare, at least in part because victims fear for their livelihood, as are civil lawsuits for cases in which the incidents are actionable, but not criminal.  Some even report that they respect their attacker so much that they don’t want to harm their reputation. For an example of this last phenomenon, look no further than the reaction to Norman Polanski raping a 13 year old girl, then fleeing the country for decades because we unwashed plebs thought it might be a good idea to lock his pedophile self up for a while. 

The Screen Actors Guild apparently allows victims to make an anonymous accusation against someone. If an investigation by SAG finds that the charges are legitimate, they will send a letter to the accused, suggesting counseling so that the predator will stop.  Since these kinds of things seem to have been happening since about 15 minutes after Edison figured out how to make a moving picture, I’m guessing that approach might not be the most effective.

Here’s my idea:

CALL THE FRELLING POLICE!!!!!

If someone sexually assaults you, first, defend yourself using whatever means you have to make the attack stop.  Next,  bring in the authorities, either to scrape the attacker up off of the hardwood floor and put them into a series of ziplock baggies or to arrest them and put them somewhere they won’t attack someone else later.

I’m not talking about someone who suggests that if an actress doesn’t go for a roll in the hay she won’t get a part. While that’s disgusting and wrong, that’s a matter for civil courts, and maybe in that instance SAG’s approach might be a good idea, although I doubt it.  It’s hard to shame someone who feels entitled.

I’m talking about rape or child molestation here.  The article I linked to suggests that there are serial rapists and pedophiles loose in the entertainment industry.  Shaming people like that though their trade group or employer won’t do anything so long as they are an important part of those organizations.  Stop the attack, call the police, and shine light on these criminals so that the next young actor or actress to get off the buss from Pine Bluff doesn’t end up a victim.