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Movie Review – The Desolation Of Smaug

Imagine that one of the best cinematic storytellers of his generation announces that he is going to tell the story of Romeo and Juliet.  Now, you love Shakespeare, and you’re excited to see how a writer and director who has always done things that you enjoy will imagine the Bard’s great love story.  As things get moving on the movie, he announces that instead of one movie, he’s making three, and will be filling out the story with expository material that Shakespeare wrote, but left out of the published work.  Shrugging, you go to see the first movie, and it’s really good.  It tells the story of the young lovers up to the famous balcony scene in its multi-hour arc, and even though there are a few extra things thrown in, you enjoy it and look forward to the next movie.  After a year’s wait, you go to see the next movie, and even though it’s a well-told story, has great acting, and has outstanding visual effects and scenery, it’s not Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet anymore.  This middle movie, in order to jazz up and fill out the story just a bit more, has a subplot of swashbuckling where Puck, the jokester from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, is searching the sewers of Verona for an ancient artifact that will settle the feud between the Montagues and Capulets.  In order to make things a little easier to film, the fight between Mercutio and Tybalt is turned from a duel with swords into a hand-to-hand martial arts fight, and when Romeo kills Tybalt, it’s more of an accident.  Plus, Mercutio and Tybalt were secretly gay lovers.  The movie ends just as Romeo buys his poison, and you are left with the last 10 pages of the play to fill out the next three-hour movie.

Now, change Shakespeare to Tolkien, and change Romeo and Juliet to The Hobbit, and you have my experience last night with The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.  To be blunt, I enjoyed this movie immensely, but I left the theater pissed off.  Peter Jackson, who is an excellent storyteller, writer, and movie maker, took the framework of a children’s bedtime story, filled in plot elements from Tolkien’s other works to make it into an adult movie, and then iced the cake with characters that weren’t in the original story, including a love triangle that doesn’t belong.

I’m not going to add a plot synopsis, because like I said when I wrote about the first movie in the series, if you haven’t read The Hobbit, you’re cheating yourself and I don’t want to ruin it for you.  There may be a few spoilers in the last couple of paragraphs here, but I’ll make sure to warn you before they begin.

Just as in the first movie, the acting in this installment was outstanding.  The returning actors from the Lord of the Rings trilogy picked up just where they left off, and the new characters (principally the dwarves) are almost exactly as I envision them when I read the book.  Benedict Cumberbatch, who provides the voice of Smaug, was an excellent choice, and turns in what is probably the best performance of the movie.  Unfortunately, the character of Bilbo is a bit diminished in this chapter.  Even though he is supposed to be the principle character of the story, I kind of feel that this movie becomes the story of Thorin, and Bilbo is just a supporting character.  Yes, he still has a part in all the important scenes, but I don’t get the feeling I had in the first movie that it’s about the actions and development of Bilbo anymore.

Even though this is a three-hour movie, it doesn’t feel like it.  Even with all of the additional material and downright padding that Jackson has put in to stretch what should have been either one really long movie or two kind-of long movies into three long movies, I never noticed how long I’d been sitting in my seat.  However, the place that Jackson chose to end this chapter and begin the third movie leads me to believe that the next installment will have a lot more padding and additional material.  Honestly, if you’re tracking the story with the book as the movies go on, there are less than 100 pages left for Jackson to fill three hours with.

As expected, the visual effects are outstanding.  Jackson is a master of knitting CGI with live action, and Howard Shore’s score is woven expertly throughout the movie.  Irish Woman commented about how the visuals in this movie were better than even the first chapter of the trilogy, which came out only a year ago.

Overall, if you’re looking for an action movie with good acting, great visuals, and an enjoyable plot, this one is worth paying full price at the movie theater.  It’s not for young kids, but the theater had everything from teenagers up to senior citizens in the seats.

However, if you’re a long-time fan of J.R.R. Tolkien, there are a few things you should know.  (Avast, ye swabs!  There be spoilers ahead!  Read on at yer own risk!)

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Thoughts on the Day

  • Mental Note 1 – Crash has no problem leaping 4 feet off the ground and hanging by his claws.
  • Mental Note 2 – The center of my chest is exactly 4 feet off the ground.
  • Today I managed to get pissed off at the same person three times.  That’s gotta be some kind of new record.
    • For the record, it wasn’t the Irish Woman, who has the patience of a saint, or anyone else that I care about.
  • I’m probably in trouble with someone for telling the lady blocking the aisle at the grocery store with both her cart and her body that she was the reason that the baby Jesus cries, but I felt much better afterward.
    • Apparently it was more important to block the aisle and harangue the store employee who was preparing more samples of something deep-fried than it was to let the rest of us go about our shopping and go home.
  • I better get points in the afterlife for refraining from telling the little girl, who was sitting on the floor of the grocery store and screaming herself hoarse because her mommy wouldn’t buy her whatever it was that caught her eye, that Santa died last night in a drunken brawl at a leather bar.
    • I can’t say I wasn’t tempted.
  • My coffee shop has a drink called a “Beekeeper”.  It’s cinnamon honey, steamed milk, and four shots of espresso.  I got one today with two extra shots.  The Irish Woman dubbed that “The Swarm”.
  • Today was gray, bitter, and cold.  It fit my mood perfectly.

Thoughts on the Day

  • Good Day – Going to your favorite range to shoot a pistol match with good friends.
  • Great Day – The range is having their Christmas open house, so you get a cup of good hot coffee to ward off the cold and wet while you shoot.
  • Awesome Day – You get a call from the front desk of the range while you’re getting your safety briefing telling you that you won a gun from the drawing you entered when you got your cup of coffee.
  • The best thing I can say about the weather today was that it wasn’t raining frogs.  Then again, shooting in nasty weather is probably good training.
  • Like I said, the best I can say about my performance today was that I didn’t get DQ’ed.  I did better than I thought I would, though.  It’s been a long time since I shot anything other than paper; I definitely need more practice at shooting on the move after drawing from the holster.
  • The new gun is a Chipmunk .22 pistol.  Basically, it’s a single shot, bolt-action .22 LR target pistol.  Honestly, it’s not something that I’ve ever considered owning, but hey, free gun!
  • For once my mil-geek self did something right.  When Irish Woman was looking for something to use to hang the ornaments on the tree, I remembered that I had a roll of old tripwire downstairs.
    • Rather than be scandalized by this, Irish Woman seemed quite happy to use strong, thin, almost invisible wire to decorate the tree.
    • Now to boobytrap the lower branches against the cat.

An Excerpt From My Day

The scene – A chilly, misty late morning in Kentucky.  Our hero is shooting his first action pistol competition ever, and after a rough start on the first couple of stages, is starting to do better.  His greatest accomplishment so far is to not get disqualified.  Since it is raining out, the stages are almost exclusively steel targets.  Our hero has never shot his carry pistol at steel before.

Here are the sounds for the second to last stage:

Beep

Bang! Ding! Thud!

Bang! Bang! Ding! Thud!

Bang! Ding! Bang! Bang! Ding! Bang! Ding! Bang! Ding! Why won’t that damned thing fall!  Thud!

Bang! Ding!

 

Yeah, next time I’m taking the .45 or the .357.

Thoughts on the Day

  • Today I had two vastly different experiences when visiting small businesses.
    • In one business, the owner was working the counter, and as far as I could tell, my friend and I were the center of his universe.
    • In the other, I’m not sure if the yutz who waited on me was the owner or an employee, but apparently it was more important to make jokes with other people in the store than to sell me something.
    • The first guy gained a new long-term customer.  The second guy may have just lost one.
  • It’s not every day when I meet a gun store owner seems excited to meet someone from the local Friends of the NRA chapter.
    • Not only is he offering to let me put up signs and posters in his store, but he also says he’d be happy sell our raffle tickets.
  • Script drafting rhythm:
    • Hour 1 – Stare at computer screen, trying to visualize how the procedure you wrote down on a legal pad is going to look in PERL.
    • Hour 2-3 – Wrote PERL like a boss!  Oh my gosh, this is awesome!
    • Hour 3:05 – Hit the wall like a bad actor in an over-powered Porsche. Go back to staring at computer screen.
    • Hour 4 – Go get some lunch.  Think.
    • Hour 5 – Get over issue from Hour 3:05.  Make a little more progress.
    • Hour 6 – Give up for the moment.  Realize that the solution to the problem will come to me at 3:27 AM when the antagonist in my dream will taunt me with it.
  • Going to a Christmas party tonight made me realize what our home would look like if we didn’t have children.  And if we had time.  And money.
  • It’s been a long time since I had good scotch.  I must do it more often.
  • We took one of Irish Woman’s co-workers out to Claudia Sanders‘ the other night for real Kentucky cuisine.  It doesn’t get much more Kentucky than fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans with ham and onions.

Today’s Earworm

Hobbitses!

 

Blogs Roundup

  • BlackFive, Michael Z. Williamson, and The Rhino Den all have excellent ripostes to the lieutenant-colonel who decided to spout off about his opinions on guns and the Second Amendment.  Apparently this miscreant fugitive from a cigarette butt pick-up detail has doubled down and is insulting veterans who call him out in comments.  It’s amazing how much crap floats to the top, or at least to middle management, sometimes.
  • The author of Vexarr has obviously worked with engineers before.
  • OldNFO discusses how the situation in the multi-national dispute over some rocks that happen to be over oil and gas deposits in the western Pacific is heating up, and not in a “tropical beach and redhead in a bikini” way.  It’s more in the “buy stock in defense industries” kind of way.  He also gives us a good scenario where the rhetoric could lead to a repeat of KAL007.
  • Thomas Ricks over at Foreign Policy has an excellent idea:  give the Army back responsibility for close air support using fixed wing aircraft.  For those of you who aren’t military geeks, the Army is, by law, forbidden from putting weapons on airplanes, which explains the fascination in the past five decades with attack helicopters.  Doing this would put some priority on systems like the A-10, which the Air Force recently announced is going to be retired.  To put that in perspective, when I was on the airplane to basic training in 1989, the news magazine I got from the flight attendant had an article about how the Air Force was trying to get rid of the A-10 so that pilots could fly those sexy F-16’s.  So, as you can see, this is something that’s been tried and tried again for decades.  It’s time to give air support back to the people who actually use it.
  • The Firearm Blog reports on an excellent idea – have a military unit host a shoot where participants get to fire a duty rifle and machine gun.  The Estonians are using the proceeds from the annual event to fund a charity, and I’m sure that some of the charities that serve wounded veterans would welcome the new influx of cash.
  • Joe has an excellent thought.

Today’s Earworm

This one kept running through my head as I was working on the drain in the basement this afternoon.

Thoughts on the Day

  • I’m not sure what was the low point of my day – being stuck four times to get four tubes of blood, being asked to leave the exam room while the doctor spoke to my daughter, or power-augering out the drain from our laundry room.
    • Yes, I know I have every right to be in that exam room while my child is in there, but Girlie Bear gave me that “Please!” look
  • You know why plumbers are so expensive?  It’s because they’re worth it.
    • I saved a couple of hundred dollars by doing it myself, but for once I’m not sure I came out ahead.
  • I got out a big bunch of tree roots from the drain, but it came along with a guest.
    • I’m not sure whether the thing that came up with the roots started life as a dryer sheet, a bleach towelette, or a baby wipe, but it was apparently the secret sauce on the clog.
    • Yeah, I don’t know how it got down there either.
  • Tonight I followed a family tradition and made a dinner that my spouse doesn’t like while she went out for dinner with friends.
  • I showed Girlie Bear how to make hunter’s stew out of good, high quality ingredients, which cause the meal to cost about $6 to prepare the entire meal.
    • I also discussed the cheap way of doing it, which would have brought the cost down to about $3 to feed a family.
    • She will be able to make both versions before she leaves for college.

Thought for the Day

It is never a good sign to be running a drain snake down a pipe and come back with tree roots.

That about sums up my day.