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Election Results

I voted a straight Silly Party ticket this year.

 

And Now, A Silly Poem

You should watch the town hall debate,
Your mind, it may change!
It’s not too late!

I will not watch the town hall debate
while eating pie from a plate
I will not watch the town hall debate
whether it is early or it is late
I will not watch the town hall debate
upon the idiot box
I will not watch the town hall debate
in bare feet or in stripey socks
I do not like town hall debates
The propaganda content, upon my soul, it grates!

Would you listen to it in the truck?
Would you listen to it with a duck?

I would not listen to it in the truck
I would not listen to it with a duck
Leave me alone, I don’t give a ….

Hey, watch your language mate!
You ought to watch the town hall debate!

I will not watch it, and you will see
These two goobers are out of their tree
They talk about caring for the little guy
While they steal a bigger piece of the pie!

You should watch it, be informed!
Ignorance should not be the norm!

I already know what I need:
Upon the trough they want to feed.
Honestly I don’t give a hoot.
Piss they could not pour from a boot!

So leave me be to read some books
And save me from these two schnooks
When zombie Reagan from the grave arises
Then the debate will have some surprises

I’d like to watch them duel
Or smack each other with a stool
The endless zingers and practiced lines
Ought to earn them FCC fines

So, early to bed I shall go
While the pundits argue to and fro
To slumber I shall pass
While they continue to harass

To my fellow patriots, I plead,
Go find something worthwhile to read!

 

All the Cool Kids are Doing It

Since Uncle, Tam, and Alan did it, it must be a good thing to do.

So, here you go, the top 20 songs played on my music player:

  1. Learning To Fly – Pink Floyd
  2. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da – The Beatles
  3. Your Wildest Dreams – The Moody Blues
  4. Magical Mystery Tour – The Beatles
  5. Revolution – The Beatles
  6. Call Me When You’re Sober – Evanescence
  7. Yellow Submarine – The Beatles
  8. Get Back – The Beatles
  9. Deadbeat Club – B-52’s
  10. Woodstock – Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
  11. I Am The Walrus – The Beatles
  12. The Invisible Man – Queen
  13. I Know You’re Out There Somewhere – The Moody Blues
  14. In My Life – The Beatles
  15. Drive My Car – The Beatles
  16. Broken Wings – Mr. Mister
  17. Eight Easy Steps – Allanis Morissette
  18. Harry’s Game – Celtic Woman
  19. Friday, I’m In Love – The Cure
  20. Headlong – Queen

I normally listen to podcasts and such when I’m at work, so my music usually only gets played when I’m driving Boo to school and then during the drive to work.  I have a “kid friendly” playlist that I shuffle through for that, so I guess that explains the family friendly list.  It also explains why Boo has been singing Beatles songs at school.  Although the time we were told he was hushed for singing “It’s Fwiday, I’m in wove!” during naptime did cause a chuckle.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over

The White House has released the recipes for the two beers that are made at the executive mansion, a brown ale and a porter that are made with honey.   This piece of information completes my picture of the Obama White House, so now I can stop paying attention and leave well enough alone.  OK, maybe I’m exaggerating that one, but from the press coverage of this non-story, you’d think the cure for whatever ails you was in that ale.

Here are a few other beers that Mr. Obama should consider trying his hands at:

  • Progressive Porter
  • Liberal Lager
  • Barack’s Bock
  • Blame Bush Barley Wine
  • Michelle’s Bitter
  • White House Witbier
  • Whining Wheat
  • Hope and Change Hoppy Ale
  • Narcissist Nectar
  • Preening Pilsner
  • Socialist Stout

House Colors

Irish Woman is looking at the website of her favorite paint vendor (yes, she has one of those), and is going through the colors she wants to paint the house.  She’s looking at the “International Flair” collection, and here are a few ideas I had for the company:

  • Mogadishu Mauve – 40 years of decayed society mixed in with a little dust and smoke
  • Sarajevo Sage – A distressed green, with hints of how beautiful it once was and how beautiful it may well be again
  • Helsinki Heather – A soft gray, kind of like the sunlight in Finland in December
  • Mexico Mocha – A rich chocolate that seems ready to erupt in a violent fountain of color
  • Kabul Khaki – This color will make your home look like it’s been bombed back to the Stone Age at least twice
  • Pakistan Pine – A vivid green that seems to work well with the darker elements of Kabul Khaki
  • Rhodesia Rose – A rather pinkish color which is hard to find on a map nowadays
  • Zimbabwe Zucchini – A dark green that does not go at all well with Rhodesia Rose
  • Libya Lilac – A soft purple that occasionally interacts very violently with neighboring hues
  • Wallaroo Wine – A deep red that reminds you of the outback and good Australian vintages
  • Iridescent Italian Ice – The dazzling white you would get from frozen chunks of Hell if Italian drivers ever stopped trying to take each other’s lives
  • Thai Titian – The auburn hair of the girl you picked up at the bar in Bangkok.  At least, you hope she was female.

New Animal Names

Scientists recently named a newly found marine crustacean for singer Bob Marley.  Gnathus marleyi is found in the Caribbean, so the choice of Marley seems appropriate.  Naming a species after someone could be a way to honor them, or it can be a way to describe the organism using the reputation of the person.  For example, President Obama’s name has been used to name a species of lichen.

Here are some ideas I have for naming animals or plants after people I’ve met on-line:

  • Panthera Renaissancei – A species of South African lion with wide ranging interests and skills.
  • Alopex Wingwhimia – An arctic fox known for migrating south in small yellow conveyances.
  • Crocuta Ragei – A strong animal which laughs a lot, but has a wicked temper if provoked.
  • Anas Weerdii – A duck native to the northeastern United States.  A loyal companion who is known to be wicked smart.
  • Rattus Laboratoria – A native of the American Southwest, this rodent is known for doing impeccable research, creating extremely interesting articles on a wide range of topics, and making grown men cry when she demonstrates their ignorance.
  • Erethizon Auntii – A woodland creature that normally keeps to herself, but becomes quite pointy and pugnacious if her young are threatened.
  • Falco Brigidii – A sub-species of red-tailed hawk, this species writes wonderful missives about life, cooking, and dogs.
  • Saguninus Slickii – A species known to flay the souls of the unwise with the aid of the contents of its snark bladder.  This species occasionally migrates, but it travels light.  In fact, it has been remarked that it hauls nothing but ass.
  • Cebus Robertax – A highly intelligent primate, known for a fascination with old pieces of technology.
  • Diomedia Anciens – This aquatic species is known to range around the world before returning to its home exhausted.
  • Canus Patruus – This species, native to the American Southeast, is known for gathering together nuggets of information for  the use of others, but really, he ain’t nothing but a hound dog.
  • Macropus Julii – A species of Australian wildlife that enjoys cooking with her young, sleeping out in the bush, and introducing others to her pastimes.

As for myself, I’d like to be memorialized with Ursus Daddyi, a bear who loses quite a bit of its fur as it ages, raises a good number of cubs, and is known to migrate from time to time in search of new food.

Feel free to come up with your own candidates in comments.

And Now the Weather…

How’s the weather going to be today?

Come on, it can’t be that hot, not can it?

OK, that was the weather.  After the break, Al will be here with a sports report about how organized athletics can lead your child to alcoholism in kindergarten.  Stay tuned.

A Confession

OK, sharpen your pitchforks and oil up your torches:

I prefer sausage to bacon.

There, I said it.  All those years of being a pilgrim in an unholy land are finally over.

Look, I like bacon.  Bacon tastes good.  It’s just a bit boring to me.  When I bite into a piece of pork belly, I taste salt, smoke, and pepper.   Maybe every now and then I’ll taste smoke from a different wood, or maybe a little less pepper, but that’s it to me.

Sausage, on the other hand, comes in a myriad of flavors, components, textures, and styles.  I love trying local brands of breakfast sausage almost as much as I like trying local micro-brewed beers.

Come on, how many times have you enjoyed a couple fluffy buttermilk biscuits smothered in bacon gravy?  Every southern woman I know has her own recipe for biscuits and sausage gravy, and they’ve all been wonderful so far.

Like I said, I like bacon.  It’s great as a side with eggs on occasion, it makes a heck of a sandwich with some garden produce, and it’s wonderful on a cheeseburger.

But when it’s breakfast time, for me, it’s sausage time.

So bring it, bacon banditos.  Lay siege to my home as long as you can to get to the heretic.  I have a freezer full of ground up pig, a bucket of lard, baking powder, and flour.  I’ll be fat and happy on biscuits and gravy long after y’all wither away due to lack of salty smoked hog belly.

A Nomad’s Life

Thanks to New Jovian Thunderbolt, we have a good visualization of my meanderings over the past few decades:

White means I haven’t spent much time at all there, pink means I’ve gone there a time or two, orange means I’ve been there often enough to have a preferred restaurant, blue means I have enough time there to have people recognize me when I got to my favorite bar, and green means I’ve lived there or might as well have.

Yeah, my family had a bit of the hippie gypsy in it, and Uncle Sugar had me going hither, thither, and yon for a while.  You can make your own here.

Fun Gunnie Game

The other night, while eating dinner, a bunch of gun geeks came up with a bit of a game.  We came up with indicators that you might be a ‘gun nut’.

Here’s what I can remember* of the indicators and a couple I thought of later:

You might be a gun nut if:
  • Your guns are cleaner than your car.
  • You have more gun safes than you do cars
  • If you’ve ever reached into your pocket to get change and come up with a live round
  • You set a calendar reminder for your anniversary, but you can remember to the day when your carry license and C&R license need renewal.
  • You put more thought into the names for your guns than you did for your kids.
  • You are more excited about shaking Massad Ayoob’s hand than you are about meeting Oliver North.

What do y’all have?
*My apologies, but my Irish ancestors would have been proud of how much Guinness I put away that night.