Irish Woman, reading the new Kentucky hunting guide: Says here you can’t bait bears in Kentucky. Do they sell scents for bears like they do for deer?
DaddyBear: I suppose so, dear. Something like Bear in Estrus or something.
Irish Woman: I don’t know that I’d scent myself up if I were hunting bear. I wouldn’t want the bear to be able to find me so precisely.
DaddyBear: Why not?
Irish Woman: Because a bear is a much better predator than you are. You cover yourself up in the scent of a female bear in heat, and the best case scenario is he kills you when he figures out you’re not that hot coed he was looking for. Worst case scenario – he rapes you.
………..
DaddyBear: Oh God! My eyes!
Overheard in the Living Room
Posted by daddybear71 on September 4, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/04/overheard-in-the-living-room-6/
That Darn Cat
Those of you who have read my brain droppings for a while know that we have a bit of a menagerie here. We have two dogs, Bluegrass and Shadow. We also have three cats: Koshka, Annya, and Timmy. Add to that a pond full of goldfish, numerous chipmunks and squirrels in the yard, and we’ve got quite a collection of non-simian mammals in the household.
This morning, I realized a member of our little group hadn’t been seen in a couple of days. Koshka’s made a habit of running out whenever she can get us to open the door. She got past me Thursday morning when I left for work, and that was the last anyone saw her. Irish Woman and I mentioned it to each other last night, and we realized that neither of had seen her.
I went for a quick walk around the yard to see if she’d come to me, but no luck. This morning, I searched the neighborhood, but still didn’t see her. Calls to animal control were less than helpful. Irish Woman checked with all the neighbors, but they hadn’t seen her.
We were worried about her because it’s been hot as the knobs of hell lately, and she’s basically a house cat. Add to that our location near several large streets and the propensity of some of our neighbor kids to be cruel to stray cats, and we were concerned.
We had decided that if she didn’t show up by Tuesday morning we’d go to animal control in person and see if she’d been picked up.
As I was doing some maintenance on the weed trimmer this evening, Irish Woman spotted Koshka coming up the street like her hair was on fire. She came up the driveway when she heard us call her, but hid out under the truck. I crawled under, got her out, and brought her in the house. She immediately hid in the basement, where we can hear her giving the other cats and the dogs three rations of hell.
I keep her vaccinations and flea repellent up to date, but I’m going to have to keep her in. Two nights out is too much. I’m glad she came home, but I could beat her for making me think of how I was going to tell Girlie Bear her cat had run away.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 4, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/04/that-darn-cat/
News Roundup
- From the “Water Still Wet” Department – Researchers have concluded that alcohol blocks the part of the brain that lets people know they’re making mistakes. Really, Einstein? Getting drunk can make it so you don’t know you’re messing up? Someone forgot to call the campus police department at 95% of American universities before they approved that research grant. Heck, if I’d known that alcohol could keep me from knowing I was doing stupid stuff, I never would have learned that you can indeed jump 50 feet off of a storm wall into soft sand without injury if you’re juiced up well enough and have your drinking buddy show you how to do a proper parachute landing fall.
- From the “I’m Related to Most of Them” Department – Researchers have also announced that half of U.S. adults suffer from one form of mental illness or another. I think this estimate might be a little low. Either that or I have a personality that draws the mentally ill like flies to honey. And I don’t suffer from mental illness; I enjoy every minute of it. Baddum Dum Ting!
- From the “This is Revolution!” Department – The Swedish Dairy Association is predicting an earlier than normal shortage of butter in the Scandinavian country. If the supply of lingenberries and ham dries up too, we may see carnage in the streets. This would be like if the supply of bacon got low around here. We’d see housewives in knife fights with leather clad bikers in the Kroger.
- From the “Seriously?” Department – A man in Florida has been arrested after police say he tore apart a vending machine and ‘molested’ it. From the description, it looks like he did just what ‘molested’ made you think about. Is this what we get for raising kids to play with machines all their life? Dude, what you do in the privacy of your own home is between you and your ‘significant appliance’. But don’t do it at the laundromat. No-one wants to see that while they’re watching a load of whites go round and round.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 3, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/03/news-roundup-89/
Today’s Earworm
I suddenly had this running through my head when I read this article.
I think of all the education that I missed
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 3, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/03/todays-earworm-111/
News Roundup
- From the “Douchebag in a Mitre Board” – A college professor in California has been arrested after a raid on his home produced a pound of methamphetamine. The suspected drug dealer is an associate professor of kinesiology. So I guess distributing a drug that causes tweeks would give him a lot of material to do research with.
- From the “So That’s How It Works” Department – The Federal Housing Agency has announced that it is suing several large banks for their practices in the mortage business during the mortage bubble and bust. This could cause these banks, most of whom got at least some money from TARP, to give up billions. The same agency oversees Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, so this may be the way that the government is able to both bail out those ailing organizations and recoup some of the TARP money. This is pure genius. We incur a huge amount of debt, give it to financial businesses that caused the mess so they don’t go belly up, then sue them to get the money back and redistribute it to another business that earned its troubles. Somewhere, a bald man is sitting in a chair stroking a cat over this.
- From the “Crowbar to a Gunfight” Department – The U.N. has announced that they believe that while Israel is justified in blockading military and dual-use products from Gaza, Israeli commandos used an unreasonable level of force when they boarded a freighter and were attacked by the occupants. My response: When a ship is boarded, if you’re going to resist and the boarders are carrying guns, standing upright outside of cover with a crowbar is not the way you repel boarders without getting ventilated. Either read some Ghandi and sit down so they have to deal with your peacefully uncooperative butt, or find some cover and concealment and something that will send copper jacketed lead toward the boarders at 1200 feet per second. If you can’t do one of those two things, stop whining. Stupid is supposed to hurt.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 2, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/02/news-roundup-90/
Thought for the Day
Gentlemen, when shown a current picture of your wife’s college roommate who may be visiting you this fall, do not say “Wow, she’s hot!”.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 2, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/02/thought-for-the-day-73/
A Grim Anniversary
Here in the U.S., we are preparing for the anniversary of the September 11th attacks. But we are not alone in remembering savagery against innocents this week. In Russia, families are remembering the hundreds who died at Beslan.
C.J. Chivers over at Esquire did an excellent write-up of the attack back in 2006. It goes beyond the dry facts to show the small, heroic acts by ordinary people that saved lives. Every person who thinks about personal security and the lengths that barbarians will go to in order to incite terror should read it.
As a parent, I cannot imagine the shock and anguish of knowing that no matter what you did, your children were probably going to die. I also dread the thought that our schools are just as wide open and unprotected.
For my friends in Russia, I remember the innocents of Beslan. They were not soldiers, they were not politicians, they were school-children, parents, and teachers. I hope that your leaders have learned from the experience, and I hope that my leaders at least think about the possibility of something similar happening here.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 2, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/02/a-grim-anniversary/
News Roundup
- From the “Bread and Circuses” Department – The White House has announced that it will allow people to post and sign on-line petitions asking for the federal government to do something. My guess is that the petitions will fall into two broad categories: “Bush Sucks” and “I think we ought not to have so much horse s… in the streets”. Either that or Katie Perry will be the next ambassador to Great Britain. Don’t we already elect senators and representatives to do this?
- From the “Taking It to a New Level” Department – A man in Washington DC has been charged with assault after a road rage incident which involved ramming his car into another, beating on the car with his hands and feet, and then throwing live downed power lines at the car in an effort to harm the driver. I’ve been mad, but I’ve never been “Pick up live power lines and try to turn another motorist into a baked potato” mad. Luckily this didn’t turn into one of Weerd’s Gun Deaths.
- From the “Carrots and Potatoes” Department – A lamb was born at New York’s Central Park Zoo just prior to Hurricane Irene striking the city. Zoo staff have named the animal Irene Hope. I would have gone for “Mint Jelly”, “Emergency Rations”, or maybe “Unneeded Distraction”.
- From the “Left Turn Signal” Department – MarketWatch has compiled a list of the top 10 cities in the United States for good drivers. I’ve driven in several of these cities, and my question is “Why do I always seem to get behind the exception that proves the rule?”.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 1, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/01/news-roundup-91/
Yeah, that’s not a good idea
The Pima County, Arizona, Republican Party is holding a raffle to raise money. That alone is not unusual. They’re raffling a gun, which isn’t uncommon. They’re raffling a Glock, which makes sense since it’s one of the best selling brands of handguns in the United States.
They’re raffling off a Glock 23. For those paying attention, the Tucson based Pima County Republican Party is raffling off a gun in the same model as the one that was used by a nutjob to shoot up a group of people in Tucson, killing 6 and wounding 13, including Democratic Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.
OK, I’m socially tone deaf, and I’ve been known to do some really stupid, insensitive things in my life. I once told an old German man that the reason I didn’t trust him was that he trusted Hitler. I got thrown out of a Korean restaurant one drunken weekend because I was trying to throw my voice into my bulgogi and bark. I got my 5 month pregnant wife to be the designated driver when my buddies and I tried to drink a German bierfest dry. Yeah, I can be a real clod.
This one tops all of those and more.
I think fundraisers are a good idea, and I’d gladly buy a raffle ticket for a gun if one was offered to me by the local Republican party, even a Glock.
But guys, they didn’t auction off a Carcano in Dallas as a Christmas fundraiser in 1963. The city fathers of Memphis didn’t hold a barbecue contest to win a Remington rifle in the summer of 1968. The GOP in Tucson shouldn’t be raffling off a Glock 23 while families are still mourning the deaths of their loved ones and some of the casualties of Laughner’s madness are still recovering.
Update – As Sean pointed out in comments, Congresswoman Giffords was shot with a Glock 19, while the gun being raffled off is a Glock 23. My opinion hasn’t really changed on this. I still think it’s kind of tasteless.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 1, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/01/yeah-thats-not-a-good-idea/
Not Worth the Paper
A man in Louisville is charged with violating an Emergency Protective Order (EPO) and stabbing his estranged wife and her pregnant daughter after breaking into her home. No details are given about why the order was given to the victim, but since he allegedly tried to gut her and her pregnant daughter like a trout, I’m guessing violent behavior was involved. Apparently the magical incantation against domestic violence contained in the EPO wasn’t done exactly right.
People, if you feel you need to get a protective order in order to keep someone from hurting you, do one of two things: Move into a policeman’s house and never leave their side, or get something a little more tangible than a stern warning from a judge to keep them from killing you. And even if you know a cop who’s willing to let you crash on their couch, get a gun.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 1, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/09/01/not-worth-the-paper/
DaddyBear
