After seeing the latest set of very beautiful pictures of Girlie Bear that Irish Woman took today, I need more guns. Big, pointy, bayoneted, big bore, black guns. With rocket launchers.
Thought for the Day
Posted by daddybear71 on October 30, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/30/thought-for-the-day-51/
Today’s Earworm
Pea soup edition
Posted by daddybear71 on October 30, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/30/todays-earworm-95/
Probably not the scariest thing to happen there this week
The White House opened up its gates for trick or treaters from near-by communities this weekend. The Obamas had costumed characters and the Marine band on hand to hand out cookies, dried fruit, and custom M&M’s to the kiddies.
My thoughts: I guess you don’t have to worry about your house getting TP’ed for giving out raisins when the guards have authorization to use deadly force. And nothing says “Happy Halloween” like left-over souvenir candies from the White House gift shop. Maybe President Obama dressed up as a competent leader this year.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 30, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/30/probably-not-the-scariest-thing-to-happen-there-this-week/
Thoughts on the Day
- I need to do more housework during the week. Either that, or I need to teach Boo how to work the vacuum cleaner.
- To the lady in the store who got pissed when I gave myself whiplash looking over at your family when your little boy screamed “Shut the hell up mommy! I’m trying to sing!”: It wasn’t your kid I was disappointed with.
- When trying to check out at the store today, and the line was 10 deep at all four open registers, I had to try hard to resist the urge to break out the command voice and yell “Tighten that line up!”.
- To the nice lady who honked her horn at me while I was loading my groceries in the car: There is a direct relationship between how much you annoy me and how slowly I move, as demonstrated by my performance today.
- Young child laundry math: One 3 year old boy, wearing one set of clothing per day, plus pajamas, towels, sheets, and two extra sets of clothing for accidents at day care equals 17 loads of laundry.
- Sending out a 13 year old girl to rake leaves unsupervised is apparently less than useful. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 30, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/30/thoughts-on-the-day-14/
Rules for Dating Girlie Bear
OK, I know it’s a worn out meme, and others have done it before and probably better than I can. But Girlie Bear has another dance at school Monday night, and I’m almost certain there will be boys there. So I thought I’d codify the rules for being my daughter’s date so that there can be no confusion:
- My name is Sir or Mr. Bear. You will not call me by my first name, my last name without the Mr., or any other way of addressing me. I’m also not a pronoun. You may, on occasion, when speaking to my daughter, use the term “your father” to reference me.
- Age rule: One year older than Girlie Bear, one year younger than Girlie Bear. If you’re too young, I’ll call your mother. If you’re too old, I’ll call your father. If you’re way too old, I’ll call the police to come pick your carcass up off the lawn.
- My daughter should come home with the same number of tears in her eyes as when she left. If she ever comes home with a deficit in the amount of eye-water or a gain in the number of bruises, they won’t ever be able to find your body.
- She may seem like a nice, quiet, thoughtful girl, and she is. But she comes from a long, proud line of people with big tempers who fight dirty. I’ve taught her to punch, kick, bite, scratch, knife, and shoot. Piss her off at your own risk.
- I have veto power on who Girlie Bear goes out with, when she goes, where she goes, and the planned activities. There is no appeal, because there is no higher authority.
- If I smell alcohol on either of you at any time, game over. Same goes for weed or cigarettes.
- Arguing or fighting with me about anything will gain you nothing but a jaw wired shut and your next few meals fed to you through a straw. I may be old, slow, and fat, but I bet I can take more of a beating than you can, and I know how long it takes to heal. I will bet money you don’t.
- I set a curfew for a reason. I will be waiting when she gets home.
- I know that all teenagers lie on occasion, and I have spent years trying to learn how to tell if someone is lying to me. So if I suspect that Girlie Bear is lying to me about you, you’re gone. If she tells me one thing, and you deny it, I’ll know you’re lying because your lips are moving.
- I have an evolutionary investment in Girlie Bear, in that I want her to survive to proper reproductive age in order to pass on my genes. I have no such investment in you, and I see no reason to be rational about anything having to do with you. Never forget that.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 29, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/29/rules-for-dating-girlie-bear/
I am a RINO
Since I’m sort of running for office around here, I thought I’d make my political affiliation clear to y’all.
My name’s DaddyBear, and I’m a RINO.
Now, before you let loose with the rotten vegetables and paving stones, let me explain.
I was brought up in a bluest-of-the-blue, pro-union Democrat home. My mother was what you could call a mixed-up hippie. Due to her upbringing in a Navy home, with her father and brothers in the service, and being married to a Vietnam vet, she knew that all of the anti-military rhetoric was nothing but hot air. But she was all about entitlement programs, environmental programs, affirmative action, and all of the other liberal things that were in vogue during her lifetime.
My father was an upper-Midwest, agricultural Democrat and for a time was the president of his union local. I guess that pretty much explains his leanings.
As a young boy, I was taken to the local Democrat headquarters and stuffed envelopes, fetched coffee, and the like. I was sent out to help with taking yard signs to little old ladies, and my parents thought they were doing everything they could to make a good Democrat out of me.
Imagine their surprise when I came home from school one fall day in 1980 and announced that I had voted for Ronald Reagan in a class election as part of our social studies work. You’d have thought I came home and announced that I was really running off to join the circus. Her mood wasn’t enhanced when I explained that Carter was an idiot, and I wasn’t going to vote for the man or anyone like him.
So I was a Republican from a pretty early age. I volunteered for the Bush campaign in 1988, which did nothing for my social standing at my Bay Area high school. I was in the military for the Clinton years, and saw all the damage that both he and the Republicans in Congress did while having big schwanz waving contests with each other. It was also during those years that I learned that “Anyone But Clinton” was not a campaign strategy, which is why I refuse to accept the “Anyone But Obama” strategy the GOP is working with this time around.
But I’m not a robot, and I refuse to be programmed.
I guess I explain my political leanings by saying “I’m a Republican, but….”:
- I’m a Republican, but I don’t care who someone is sleeping with or wants to marry.
- I’m a Republican, but I think Bush made a lot of huge blunders in his presidency, most of all in his domestic security agenda and the agencies and policies that we’re dealing with because of it.
- I’m a Republican, and I think that abortion is an evil, dreadful practice, but I dislike the government telling me or anyone else what to do with their body even more.
- I’m a Republican, but I don’t support the party when it says it wants to cut spending then spends money on their own pet projects and favorite companies.
- I’m a Republican, but I will vote for a candidate from another party who I believe is the best person for the job. Voting a straight party ticket is for sheep, not citizens.
There is more, but I think you get the picture. If you’ve been reading my ramblings here for a while, you can see that I’m not exactly cut from a completely Republican cloth.
I guess what I’m saying here is that while I self-identify as a Republican, I don’t always follow the party line. If I were in Congress, the party whip and I would always be at loggerheads. I believe what I believe, and I don’t let my party tell me what to believe, how to vote, or who to support. I stay with the party because there’s still some hope that the libertarian wing, whatever that is, will have enough influence to swing us away from the big government, daddy-state wing. It’s not a lot of hope, and I’ve considered just becoming an Independent, but I’m not there yet.
Anyway, I’m DaddyBear, and I am a RINO.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 29, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/29/i-am-a-rino/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on October 29, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/29/todays-earworm-96/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on October 29, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/29/todays-earworm-97/
An Open Letter
To all producers, traffickers, and users of methamphetamine,
I’ve been feeling a bit crummy these past few days. The medicines I have around the house just haven’t been cutting it, and Irish Woman is growing tired of listening to me cough through the night. On the way home with Boo tonight, I decided to visit my local pharmacy to get something to help the situation. I looked through the shelves of ‘alternatives’ to pseudoephedrine, and eventually found the card for the medicine I wanted. Like a good sheep, I took one of them, grabbed some cough drops, and headed over to the pharmacists service window.
After presenting the young man behind the counter with the card, my driver’s license, birth certificate (not Hawaiian), blood and hair sample, fingerprint, and retinal eye scan, I then signed a pledge to not turn my cold medicine into your intoxicant of choice, paid for my purchase, and headed out of the store. I noticed that the item I bought was on sale, and would have stocked up for the upcoming cold and flu season, but didn’t because I didn’t know if doing so was going to bring black clad men with guns to my door at inopportune times.
Basically, what should have been a 30 second transaction turned into a 10 minute exercise in “spot the methhead” for the pharmacist and an exercise in being suspected of being a criminal for me.
So to all of you tweaking bastards out there, let me say this:
If I ever get my hands on any of you snivelling pieces of dirt, I am going to lock you in a running cement mixer filled with thumb tacks and rubbing alcohol. Then I’m going to smother you to death in a bag full of my used tissues and throw your body in the septic tank of the local chili restaurant. I would consider feeding your worthless carcass to some pigs, but I have too much respect for the swine and their sty to do that.
I’ve been using pseudoephedrine responsibly as a cold medicine since I was a teenager, and you all have ruined that for me. Now, I have to be treated like a suspect in order to not have a runny nose and a nagging cough. I hope you’re happy, you worthless, in-bred, bucktoothed wastes of good gametes. I hope that your lives and deaths are nasty, brutish, and protracted. I hope that as you die, the last thing your hear in this world is the sound of your mother coughing and sneezing because you had to get high and she can’t get good medicine over the counter anymore.
Respectfully and congestedly yours,
DaddyBear
Posted by daddybear71 on October 28, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/28/an-open-letter-3/
Prediction
I’ve been told that there’s some kind of sporting event taking place in either Missouri or Texas tonight.
I predict that someone will win. There will be a lot of beer drinking and snacking going on during the event. I also predict that some yahoos will be on the news tomorrow after being arrested for either celebrating a victory or mourning a defeat by setting something on fire or knocking something over, or possibly knocking something over then setting it on fire.
Y’all keep me honest here, and let me know how I did come tomorrow.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 28, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/10/28/prediction/
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 