Somehow, the Facebook algorithm decided that I needed exposure to ‘prepper’ content and advertising. Most of it is pretty basic stuff, some is useful, some of it is borderline psychotic. So it’s all par for the course.

One ad that keeps popping up is for a gas mask, carrier, and replacement filter package. From the picture (I DID NOT click on that), it looks like a low-res version of a military protective mask.

The latest version of the ad touts it as the “Ultimate CBRN protection package!!!111!!!”.

I want to state for the record that I am proud of myself for not commenting on the ad and telling them that their idea of CBRN is bad, and they should feel bad. I refrained not because I know that I will be harassed and belittled in the comments. I did it because the less I interact with this drivel, the less of this drivel I will be firehosed with.

The package they advertised for the low, low price of just shy of a house payment did not include the following:

• Hood. You know, the heavy plastic canvas thingie you pull over your neck and shoulders to keep things that you really don’t want on your skin off of your skin.
• Gloves – See hood above, except visualize a part of your body with a huge number of nerve endings being dipped into something that dissolves hands or eats nerve endings.
• Chemical Suit – If you’ve ever worn MOPP gear, you know it’s hot, cumbersome, and uncomfortable. If you paid attention in training, especially if that included those films from the 1950’s (you know, the ones with the sheep, goats, and cattle that all of a sudden decided to do some disco dance and Mongolian throat singing before taking a restless nap), then those extra layers between you and whatever you got slimed with is worth it.
• Decontamination kit – I’ll admit that this one is kind of a geeky kind of thing, but a little plastic or metal box full of charcoal pads and strong cleaning wipes is kind of essential for CBRN. I won’t go into gross details, but if you have to put on that nice black plastic mask you just bought in a hurry, you’re probably going to want to get something icky off your skin.
• I’m going to leave the autoinjectors off of this list. I actually appreciate someone being responsible enough to not advertise 2 PAM Chloride and atropine to a population that makes a fetish out of “Hey guys, I have four Zin’s in three orifices, I pounded three energy drinks that are considered a war crime by the ICC, and now we’re going to juggle supercharged chainsaws” videos.

Basically, what the ad is selling is a gas mask, which is probably good enough for riot gas or OC. It’s not “CBRN DEFENSE!!!!ELEVEN!!!” It’s a, hopefully, upgraded version of the breathing protection mask you can get at Home Depot for 1/3 the cost, with a pair of goggles molded in.

But it probably looks really cool when you’re making a video or showing the dudes when they come over to talk about how they will ‘grant passage’ to the hot girls when they become warlords of the post-collapse wasteland.

OK, grumpy old dude rant over. I’m going back to watching videos of Gen Z hipsters talk about how their organic herb garden will cure the Vietnamese black crotch rot they’ll all get when society collapses and they can’t get DoorDash anymore.

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I’m really not a manly man, and I’m really not a dude who has to do manly things to feel manly and show folks how manly I am, but there’s just something really satisfying about going to the hardware store and buying a really nice plunge router.

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Maybe it’s a little passive agressive (OK, it’s a lot passive aggressive) but I’ve made a hobby of making little daily height markers on the kitchen window to mark the growth of the two tendrils of ivy that are growing up that side of the house. You know, those two tendrils that I told the Young Prince to dig up and get rid of last week? It’s kind of like what I used to do on the kitchen doorway when Girlie Bear was little.

I’d say the odds are even that either the ivy grows above the window before it gets taken care of, or Irish Woman and I have a ‘discussion’ about the Young Prince and his dedication to assigned tasks in the near future.