A group of people at a Michigan Chuck E. Cheese restaurant had a wonderful time attending a child’s first birthday party. When the check came, they taught the little ones in attendance a valuable life lesson:  How to dine and dash.

When their server presented them with the check, they stalled her for a few minutes and headed for the exits.  Police were called and have been able to track down at least one of the adults involved.

Real classy folks.  My guess is that the birthday child wasn’t the only munchkin in attendance.  What a beautiful memory they will have of the time they got to do the 100 meter dash to the minivan after Mummsy and Daddsy decided to not pay for their pizza, cake, and ice cream.

As punishment, I’d make each and every one of these adults work a 12 hour shift bussing tables and mopping floors at that Chuck E Cheese.  Although even my hard heart might consider that cruel and unusual.  12 hours of bad pizza, screaming kids, clanging video games, and that infernal animatronic rodent would be enough to make me stick my head in the garbage disposal.

Today I realized that I am married to an absolute angel.  I got home and she was up in the air harping about something.

I am the IT analog of the 1950’s shop mechanic.  I keep the wheels on, make improvements, and just in general figure things out.  The guys who were under muscle cars back in the 1960’s and 1970’s?  Their kids are sysads.  I’m mildly interested in the design and manufacture of the code and hardware that I work with, but for the most part I care about how much performance I can squeeze out of them and how well I can keep them working.  “I void warranties” is my profession’s mantra.  I write scripts to make my life easier, but make them as simple as I can so I don’t have to continually figure them out and fix them.  Contrast me to the programmer who takes joy from how beautifully her source code reads, as if it was poetry.  She may be Shakespeare or Bacon, but I’m the guy who figures out how to build the stage the actors use to put on her masterpiece.

My brethren database and network administrators work hard in their own realms to make the semi-fantasy world of pure programmers and computer scientists interface efficiently with the real world.  We are the tired voice at the end of the cell phone link at 3 AM when something breaks.  In another life, we would be the guy in the greasy coveralls who climbs all over the engine to figure out why the train doesn’t move. We share a proud lineage that goes all the way back to the armorers in Caesars legions who kept the onagers kicking, the smiths who built and fixed the Antikythera mechanism for some unknown genius, and the mechanics who kept the T-34′s running in the field for Marshall Zhukov.  

H/T to Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal for the inspiration.

The Interior Department is distributing almost $750 million to state fish and wildlife programs this year to pay for state programs.

Interior Secretary Ken Salazar said Wednesday in a release. “These funds will support important fish and wildlife management and conservation, recreational boating access, and hunter and aquatic education programs.”

This money comes from excise taxes paid by sportsmen on licenses, fishing equipment, guns, and ammunition.  Even if you don’t like guns or don’t hunt and fish, some of your enjoyment of the outdoors is paid for by those of us who do.

• The walking trails at the state park you like to use after family picnics without buying tickets?  You’re welcome. 
• The boat ramp at the lake where you put in your cabin cruiser without paying a usage fee?  You’re welcome.
• The restored wetlands that clean the water in the stream your children play in?  You’re welcome.
• Those wild deer, elk, and turkey you take pictures of in an area where they were unheard of 30 years ago?  You’re welcome.

Thing is, this is one tax that I gladly pay.  Yes, it makes my hobbies a lot more expensive than their sticker price, but I can see where the money is going on this one.  I also enjoy boating on the lake and hiking on the trails, and nothing makes the drive to work better than seeing a deer or turkey in the fields along the road.

So please, go out and enjoy the parks, lakes, and wildlife that our excise taxes help pay for.  And please try to remember them the next time you’re ranting about the inhumanity of hunting and fishing, or complaining about Walmart selling ammunition, or that the state fish and wildlife agency put up a small shooting range in the back of beyond in your local state park.  Without the taxes that hunters, fishermen, and shooters pay every day, your enjoyment of the outdoors wouldn’t be as nice as it is now.

H/T to Radley Balko over at The Agitator on this one.

The title of this post is a quote from State Senator Greg Brophy of Colorado, who was commenting on a moronic situation that is directly impacting a young man he represents.

You see, this young man has been afflicted by diaphragmatic and axial myoclonus, which can cause prolonged seizures.  He lost out on a lot of last school year due to his illness and the narcotics he was given to deal with it. 

When the narcotics, and the rest of the pharmacopoeia that was thrown at him didn’t seem to work well enough, his doctor put him on a new cocktail of drugs that included the use of THC lozenges in the event that a seizure was not prevented by his other medications.  THC is the active agent in marijuana. This formula, including lozenges, seem to work for the young man.

The administrators of his school have informed him and his parents that he cannot come to school on days he has used the THC medication, and cannot use it on campus.  His father has appealed to the local officials for their understanding, but has hit a brick wall.  Apparently the local school officials would rather he be doped up on morphine at school or miss school entirely than let him put a THC cough drop in to keep a seizure at bay.

This young man wants to finish his education.  He wants to be a functioning part of society.  He is not blazing up a little Acapulco Gold in the parking lot when he feels a little woozy.  He is trying to go to school and participate by taking medication that is legally prescribed by his doctor and dispensed by his pharmacist.  And the nitwits who run his school are making him miss class in order to control his illness.

Things like this grate on me for a few reasons.  First and foremost is the medical marijuana issue.  I support the legal use of any medication when it is prescribed by a competent physician.  I’m  not going to talk about just legalizing it, that’s for another post, but I am 100% for its use as a medicine.  My arthritis is well controlled, but I know several people who have one form of non-osteo-arthritis or another who couldn’t control their pain without heavy narcotics who have at least some relief because they live in a medical marijuana state and use it under a doctor’s supervision.  They’re not stoners, they just use a drug in order to deal with their disease.  If I couldn’t control my arthritis and the accompanying pain without the use of narcotics, and it was legal for me to do so, I’d fully support a suggestion by my doctor to try cannabis.

And then there’s the parent’s rights issue here.  These parents have worked with a medical professional to find an effective treatment for their son’s malady.  They have changed their son’s school so that he can go home to take his medicine.  As far as I can tell, they have bent over backwards so that their son can put a cough drop in his mouth when he feels a seizure coming on.  But the drones who run the school have done everything they can to thwart their efforts in getting their son a good education.

Things like this, where low level officials can’t or won’t make an independent decision, makes my blood boil.  If put in the same situation, I’d find it hard to remain civil with the principal, the school board, and the rest of the local government.  If I had it within my means, I would be finding a good private school that would be reasonable about accommodating my son’s situation.  If not, I’d be doing what this father continues to do, which is to fight with all legal means necessary to get his son the best education he can.

Parents and doctors should decide which drugs are allowable for a student to take, either at home on a school day, or at school.  Principals, school boards, or legislatures would do best to keep their noses out of it.  I wish this family luck as they seek to do the right thing.

When giving physical security training, the answer to “What is the correct way to stop someone without a security badge in a restricted area?” does not include:

– Two to the chest, one to the head
– Hitting them with a folding chair
– Body slam
– Keelhauling
– Bouncing their forehead on the hood of a truck

Just out of curiosity, I’d like to know a little bit about y’all.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask anything too humiliating.  These are pretty simple questions that don’t probe too deeply.  Have fun with them.  Leave answers in the comments, please.  Even though most of these questions are a “this or that” type, feel free to answer with another choice.  After a week or so, I’ll come back and write a post with the most original or entertaining answers.

General Interest

1. Standard or Metric?
2. Minivan or muscle car?
3. Speed boat or pontoon boat?
4. Star Wars or Star Trek?
5. Snow skiing or water skiing?
6. Cabin in the Mountains or Condo on the Beach?
7. Iced Tea – Sweet or Un-Sweet?
8. Ebook or dead tree?
9. Unicorn or heffalump?

Firearms

1. Glock or 1911?
2. 9mm or .45?
3. AR-15 or AK-47?
4. Revolver or semi?
5. Shotgun – Pump or semi?
6. AR-15 – Iron sights or optics?
7. Black Powder – Flintlock, cap, or in-line?
8. Samuel Colt or John Moses Browning?
9. Full Auto or three round burst?
10. .30-06 (God’s Own Caliber, Old Testament) or .308 (God’s Own Caliber, New Testament)

Food

1. Sausage or bacon?
2. Irish Coffee or Tequila Sunrise?
3. Jack Daniels or Maker’s Mark?
4. Pizza – Thin Crust or Deep Dish?
5. Ketchup or mayonnaise?
6. Barbecue – sweet and tangy or hot and spicy?
7. Chili – Beans or no beans?
8. Christmas – Ham or Turkey?
9. Easter – Lamb or Rabbit?
10. Sushi or Thai food?
11. Steak – Moo or charcoal?

Complete the following sentences:

1. A man and his _______ are soon _______.
2. The easiest way to a man’s heart is through his  _______.
3. My bologna has a first name, it’s _________.
4. I’d like to teach the world to _________.
5. A _______ in the hand is worth two in the ________.
6. I wish I were an ________, that is what I’d really like to be.
7. Better _______ than _______.

This post is of no importance whatsoever, but I thought I’d let some of the thoughts in my head come out.

1. The NFL is probably going to kill the golden goose in the next few months.  Billionaires arguing with millionaires are going to ruin the NFL 2011-2012 season.  If the disagreement was over something altruistic, such as providing financial and medical assistance to former players who have fallen on hard times and can’t make ends meet due to injuries from their playing years, I could probably go along with it.  But my gut tells me it’s going to be a pissing match over money and the length of the season.  Nothing kills an entertainment activity like it going away long enough for us to find something else to do.
2. The influx of European and especially Eastern European players into the NHL has improved professional hockey.  When I was a kid, there were talented players, but there were almost as many bruisers on the teams.  These thugs were on the ice for no better reason than to lay a beating on whatever talented player or bruiser on the opposing team was targeted by the coach.  Now, there seems to be at least two talented players for every bruiser, and the officials seem to be coming down hard on the thugs.  This leads to more athletic and exciting play, with what I consider fewer fights and cheap shots.
3. Those of us who grew up in the United States in the 1970’s will remember the ABC Wild World of Sports.  Howard Cosell and Jim McKay would come into our living rooms on weekends when there wasn’t a major football, basketball, or baseball game going on.  You’d see an hour or so of skiing, them some bowling, a hockey game, and then something oddball like fencing.  There would also be a shooting, hunting, or fishing show mixed in occasionally, which is unheard of on today’s broadcast stations.  For several years, that kind of mix disappeared as the big three American sports completely dominated the airwaves.  Now that there about 17 cable sports networks that broadcast games, the broadcast networks seem to be picking up the idea of a mixed sports card again.  So far this afternoon, NBC has broadcast a hockey game, a couple hours of skiing/snowboarding, and now they’re showing a rugby game between South Africa and England.  As much as I love my football, and will sometimes watch baseball and basketball, watching/listening to other sports is a lot of fun.  Here’s hoping that this trend continues.  Heck, someday they might start showing Australian rules football or Irish soccer on American TV.
4. BooBoo has started playing soccer for a couple hours a week at his day care.  It’s part of a program the director has to get the kids more physically active every day.  He also has a tumbling activity once a week, and spends an hour a day in a little gym they’ve set up for the kids.  Boo is little enough that it’s just running around and trying to kick the ball, but some of these kids are taking it way too seriously.  That means their parents are taking it way too seriously.  When I was growing up, organized sports didn’t start until the 2nd or 3rd grade at the earliest, with most kids not taking it seriously until junior high.  Now, my friends talk about taking their first and second graders to soccer practice two and three days a week, with games on the weekends.  Someone Irish Woman knows has a daughter who is extremely talented at competitive swimming, and is pushing her to try for the 2012 Olympics.  This child, who has been swimming competitively for over a decade, spends at least 6 hours a day in the pool, and is in a competition almost every weekend.  Homework and a normal social life are sacrificed in a pursuit of a spot on the Olympic team.  You can’t tell me that is healthy for her.  I understand that the cost of college is skyrocketing, and competition for athletic scholarships is tight, but turning your child into a one trick pony who will falter when they finally blow a tendon or lose interest in their trick is a disservice to your child.  A counterpoint to this is my other friend who has three girls who all play soccer.  He and his wife work hard to make sure the girls have every opportunity to succeed in soccer, but they also make sure they have other activities and do well in school.  An athletic but still well-rounded young lady will go further in life than a single threaded jock who has been taught since day one that the only thing she can do well is run, swim, or kick a ball.

Anyway, that’s my sports thoughts for now.  Football is gone for the time being, but you’ll be seeing some of these core dumps every so often.

Like most parents these days, I worry that my kids won’t want to read much at all, or won’t want to ready anything but garbage.

Imagine my surprise when my daughter asked to read our copy of “To Kill a Mockingbird” and has been having lengthy discussions about racism and the civil rights movement with Irish Woman.

Add to that the fact that she wants to get a copy of “The Diary of Anne Frank” and Little Bear wants to read it when she’s done.

And knock me over with a feather when Little Bear asked for my copy of “Schindler’s List” this morning when he told me about reading “The Devil’s Arithmetic” in school.

I’m not sure if I can take credit for this, but I’m happy with the situation.  Girlie Bear has already read both “Monster Hunter International” novels, and she’s chomping at the bit to read “The Grimnoir Chronicles” with me.   I think for their birthday this year they might be getting some Heinlein.

Be Sure of Your Target and What is Beyond It

The manager of a cookie factory in Wisconsin decided to clear out some of the birds from his factory with a shotgun.  At least one pellet of bird shot missed its target and struck one of his employees.

Where do I begin?  First, using a shotgun inside of a structure to kill nuisance animals is the wrong answer.  You’re more likely cause harm to the structure and its contents, living or otherwise, than you are to scare off the critters.

Next, he obviously didn’t make sure his employees weren’t down range.  It’s only by sheer dumb luck that the employee only dug one piece of lead out of his head, and wasn’t hurt more seriously.  Don’t start with the “bird shot won’t kill” argument.  My son’s Red Ryder BB gun will kill if it hits the right part of the body at the right angle.

Then of course there’s the fact that there are bleeding birds flying around in the rafters of a food factory.  We will occasionally have a bird get into our house through the basement door, and once we flush it out of the house or the cats catch it, there’s always a mess to clean up.  I can’t imagine the mess that a number of birds living in a building will create, but I can sure imagine where it will land.   How this situation got past the local health department is beyond me.

I sincerely hope that the employee who was shot has no long-term problems, the blunt skull who peppered him with bird shot is punished, and that the cookie company calls a real exterminator.   Moron gun owners like this give the rest of us a bad reputation.

Now y’all excuse me while I go downstairs to check which brands of cookies are in our stockpile.