“Hey y’all, watch this!”

Apparently drunken fools don’t just happen in the American Southeast.  Two Swedish gentlemen got a bit, shall we say, tipsy, and decided to test out a knife-proof vest.  Rather than strap it to an inanimate object and attack it with various stabby implements, one of them put the vest on and the other tried stabbing him.  After one successful test, the young reveler with the knife decided to test another area on the vest.  Imagine his surprise when the knife punched right through the unarmored spot he had chosen. The “victim” was treated for a minor wound.

It makes me feel better to know that dumbasses aren’t just concentrated in my general vicinity.  It would seem they can be found on other continents.  Of course, this means that if I ever try to escape, there is nowhere to go.

Ever done the math to figure out if slamming on your brakes to piss off the guy tailgating you at 75 miles an hour is worth the risk of getting rear ended and having to buy a new car?  Turns out, it’s an inverse ratio to how nice your car is.  I was very close to the break even point tonight.  Older, paid off minivan versus getting the asshat from Ohio to get off my butt on the freeway.  Tempting, tempting…….

The above picture is the reconstructed picture of Otzi, the man whose body was discovered in a glacier some 5,300 years after his death.  Scientists have spent years pouring over his body and clothing to discover details that bones alone cannot tell. 

A Dutch team have used the data taken from his face and skull to construct an image of how he appeared at the time of his death.  This face would fit in in any rural community where hard work in the outdoors is the norm.  I’ve seen faces like this sitting around a stove in a country store in the South.  If you shaved it, it would resemble the older farmers who came into town for church in North Dakota.  In Arizona, it’s the face of a rancher who’s tanned so thoroughly that the color never fades.

In short, this man was a man the same as any of us.  He is care worn, but still human.  He was not a brute, or a shaved ape (no more than the rest of us, anyway).  The only difference was that he lived in an age where all lives were hard lives. 

Pakistan is apparently quite butt hurt over a perceived preference for India by U.S. when it comes to nuclear weapons.

Well, no kidding there, Sparky.  Let’s break it down a bit:

India

• Functioning Democracy
• Trade Partner
• Received $73.5 million dollars in aid from the U.S. in 2008
• Actively works against Islamic terrorism, probably because it’s been a target of it on multiple occasions
• Has stopped nuclear testing
• Hasn’t given or sold nuclear technology to anyone

This morning, I went to see my rheumatologist.  Just a checkup, and overall I’m doing fine.  Blood work looked good, BP is normal.  I really like my doctor.  She’s nice, informative, and chatty, but I get the feeling she did her residency at the Lubyanka.

The range of motion check she did had me in stress positions and trying to move my limbs in ways I can never remember moving them prior to coming to see her.  However, after getting me to admit to being a party to two counter-revolutionary plots, she pronounced my health to be generally acceptable.

One problem – weight.  Yes, my tubby self has gained back most of the weight I lost last year.  I got the standard wide body lecture from her, especially about my eating and exercise habits.

Looks like all those Girl Scout cookies I ordered last month are going to have to be given away or put up for a long time.  I’m already looking at schedules with Irish Woman to figure out when I won’t inconvenience the family by going to the Y to work out.  Luckily, Girlie Bear wants to do an aerobics/dance class a few nights a week, so I can take her and work out while she’s in her class.

What has me snuffling is the thought of cutting way back on all the foods that make life worth living.  Bacon, sausage, beer, ice cream.  Sniff.  And those Samoas and Tagalongs are going in the cupboard to be dolled out in school lunches and such.  I’m going to be going to a steady diet of fiber and fruit.  Have I mentioned how much I hate oatmeal?

Two women in Florida took to beating on each other after one of them fed a box of Girl Scout cookies owned by the other to her children.  The fight eventually involved a call to the police, and now the original owner of the cookies is in jail.

Point 1 – I’m not saying that I’ve never been willing to take a human life over a box of Girl Scout cookies.  I’m not going to say that the sight of an empty box of Tagalongs or Samoas in the freezer hasn’t driven me to an angry tantrum.  Not going to admit anything.  But Thin Mints?   If you’re going to cheapen human suffering enough to lay a beating on your room mate over cookies, at least have it be over one of the good ones.

Point 2 – While I don’t condone her actions, I have to hand it to Ms. Howard for her forethought in dropping the stabby implement she initially grabbed and going for the nearest blunt objects to beat on her roommate.  Scissors can quickly turn a “You shouldn’t beat on your roommate over Thin Mints” conviction into a “You stabbed your roommate 31 times over a box of Thin Mints?” conviction. 

BTW, my orders of Girl Scout cookies should be in any time now.  Any lapse in regular blogging over the next couple of weeks can probably be explained by my pancreas finally giving up the ghost.  mmmmmm, Samoas…….

The 4 American citizens who were aboard the yacht Quest when it was taken by Somali pirates have been gunned down.  U.S. forces, upon hearing the shots, stormed the yacht and captured 13 pirates, in addition to two who were already in custody.

So we have 4 American civilians, who were taken hostage by foreign non-governmental parties in international waters.  After a period of days, these civilians were gunned down in cold blood by their captors.  Several of the captors where killed when the boat was stormed, and more were taken prisoner.

It’s time for the U.S. government act like a sovereign nation and not a pewling git.  Because both the Bush and Obama administrations have allowed this festering sore in the Horn of Africa to blossom, U.S. citizens are dead.  Not held hostage, not inconvenienced. Dead.  No appearances on Oprah, no inspirational books about how their faith, or their marriage, or their belief in Great Leader inspired them to carry on.  D.E.A.D.  Due to a lack of a coherant strategy and appropriate response to earlier provocations, I lay their corpses at the feet of our elected representatives of both parties.

The perpetrators should be tried quickly aboard whichever Navy vessel they find themselves on as of today.  If the powers that be feel it is necessary, a military judge, prosecutor, and defense attorney can be dispatched to the fleet and hold a court martial.  Otherwise, I’m pretty sure that the commanding officer of a warship in international waters can convene one with just as much legal weight as if it were held in Hampton Roads.

If found guilty of piracy, which to my understanding means “Was the accused on  the ship without permission of her master and a party to her taking and/or  the killing of her crew?”, I suggest that all of the guilty be hung by the neck until dead within sight of their home port, with the event being broadcast live on CNN, Fox, SkyNews, and Al Jazeera.  Any network that refuses to broadcast this warning to barbarians would lose its license to broadcast in the United States.  All of the bottom feeding, cave dwelling, murderous cretins of the world need to know that after we count to 10 more than a few times, bad things happen to bad people.

After that, the president needs to man up and get congressional authorization for a punitive naval expedition against the pirates and their nests.   My idea would be the immediate bombardment, not bombing, of the coastal villages that seem to breed this scum.  A bombing would be too quick.  I think the slow, systematic shelling of every standing structure in the port sends the right message. Nothing shows you care like having a cruiser park outside of RPG range and level the village.

I save the air attack for the ships the pirates already have in their grasp.  My suggestion is to utilize our carrier borne aircraft to sink them where they are found.  The families of the crews, if they are harmed, will be compensated lavishly, as will be the companies or countries that own them.  Just to be generous, we could give the responsible countries a few days to mount their own rescue effort before we create a few new man-made reefs.

After that, the air arm of the Navy should be used to hunt down every Somali craft that can be found in international waters between Africa and India.  These ships should be interdicted and boarded, the crews arrested and returned to Somalia with only the clothes on their back, and the ships sunk.  I’d keep this up until it is safe for the Harvard rowing team to stroke their way from Alexandria to Kuwait.

I’m not looking for a quick pin prick air strike, or the swift snatching up of a few “leaders” for show trials.  I am looking for a brutal, violent, public response to this barbaric act of piracy. 

That’s what I truly believe needs to happen.  Here’s what I expect the U.S. will do:

That’s right.  Absolutely nothing.  President Obama will probably make a statement, possibly show up at a funeral or call someone’s family to express condlences, and then go back to his golf or basketball.  More attention will be paid to the whining of public servants in Wisconsin than to the cold blooded murder of our citizens by pirates.  No questions will be asked at press conferences.  Most of the press will stop talking about it the next time a cute kitten shows up on the internet. 

And the problem of piracy in the Indian Ocean will continue.  Piracy appears to be quite lucrative as long as no-one is arming the prey or avenging their taking.  Preying upon the intentionally weak is the pirates business, and business appears to be good.

Just once, I’d like a politician to be honest and say “Guys, the next two to three years are really going to suck.  We’ll do what we can to blunt the impact on those who can’t do for themselves, but everyone else needs to brace for hard times.”

A little honesty would make me feel a whole lot better about our political leadership.  It would also snap some people out of the magic fairyland they live in where Big Brother will always provide and make sure they are OK.  

I’m not hopeful, but it would be nice.

Here’s the situation – 


Your baby is gasping for air.  You call 911, and they dispatch an ambulance, but there’s a blizzard howling outside.  The roads are clogged with snow, and you fear your child won’t make it until they arrive.


If you’re in New York City this past December, you probably couldn’t do much more than pray to $DEITY and hope the ambulance can weave its way through the snow packed streets.


If you’re in Baraboo, Wisconsin, you pray to $DEITY that the ambulance is led to your house by Manuel Canales, a snowplow driver for the local government.  When this man heard over the radio that a baby was in distress and the ambulance would have a hard time getting there in time, he kicked his truck into gear and plowed them a path.  He then plowed a path for them to get to the hospital.


So what’s the difference?  


One difference I see is that it happened in a mostly rural area.  People in small towns and the country look out for each other.  In the times I’ve lived in large cities, I never felt that anyone I didn’t have a preexisting relationship with would stoop to help me if I needed it.  When I’ve lived in small towns, it’s an expectation that you will help out in any way you can, and that others will step up if you need them.


I won’t comment on the union versus non union status of the drivers in question.  The rumor is that at least part of the problem in New York was a union instigated work slowdown.  But who’s to say that Mr. Canales isn’t part of a local union?


I will say that the difference here was that Mr. Canales put his own comfort and possibly his own safety on standby to help out someone he probably never met before.  I can’t say that I’d expect someone in Washington, Chicago, New York, or Los Angeles would do the same.  I’m making a gross generalization here, but I don’t expect to see a lot of stories like this out of the big cities.

I was the snarling, hunched man who stood behind you coughing and sneezing at the pharmacy pick up window this morning.  You remember, that was when you spent 10 minutes arguing with the pharmacist over the cost of your medicines.   By the look of the gold watch and oh so fashionable running shoes you were wearing, paying $50 for your prescriptions might not be a stretch.

Thank you for pointing out to everyone in earshot that the pharmacy, the drug company, and your allergist were just out to tap your bank account.  Yes, your health is important, and and our time is not.

And I’m surprised that a man of your superior intellect and social station had never heard of this thing called the Internet, where one can look at a pharmaceutical companies website for coupons.  Once this was explained, I was shocked, shocked I say, to discover that you could not see where the name of the drug and its manufacturer was written on the printout, but I’m glad that the pharmacist took the time to write it down, explain the process to you, and then answer your question which amounted to “Huh?”.

I do apologize for snarling at you in Russian as you passed me, but I think it was a healthy venting of anger and frustration.  Also, when you get home, if there’s a burn or raised blister located on the back of your head, that’s my fault.  I was boring a hole in your skull with my haterage vision, and I hope that the tumor that I wished to be implanted on your medula oblongata thrives for years before you find it.

Here’s hoping you feel better, and that you are able to save a few drakmas when you return later today for your prescription.