18:17 – Wow, that’s an odd arrangement for the Star Spangled Banner.  He really hit the note at the end, though.

18:19 – Much better.  I noticed the only soldier they showed from Afghanistan who was armed was a female, by the way.

18:21 – A Sponge Bob movie.  Oh frabulous joy.

18:22 – Yep, because women love trucks so that they can cheat with the guy in the truck.

18:22 – No, I will not hug you for a McNugget.

18:23 – The SNL 40th anniversary show is coming.  I just wish Eddie Murphy was alive to see it.

18:24 – If Belichick touched that coin or was even in the same room with it, I want it weighed and balanced before the toss.

18:26 – Irish Woman remarks that the female reporter talking to Pete Carroll looks naked in that shirt.  Hey, it got my attention.

18:25 – Richard Sherman is nursing an injury.  Obviously, it’s not related to his ability to speak.

18:27 – I’m ready to buy tickets now.  Not to the movie.  To the Park.

18:28 – What would I do if my TV went out tonight?  Heck, I might just talk to the wife about the duality of man or something.

18:31 – And away we go.

18:35 – Come on, guys, do something I can be snarky about.

18:37 – No, no, no. You’re supposed to cut Tom Brady off at the knees.

18:38 – Yep, the Founding Fathers were just looking for a way to get their taxes done for free.

18:41 – Hey, guys, if you keep giving the ball to the same guy, eventually the other side will figure it out.  Seattle does 3 and out.

18:42 – Kate Upton in a breastplate / pushup bra.  Where’s my phone?  I need to go to the app store.

18:43 – TomorrowLand, because the Haunted Mansion movie didn’t flop.

18:43 – Bryant Gumbel is on my TV.  Why in the name of whatever is holy is he doing on my #!@#$!!@#$! television?  Oh, and thanks for the all over squicky body shiver when I envisioned the Crypt Keeper twerking.

18:47 – Why did they let Gronkowski get that first down?  Can’t they see the big yellow line and stop him before he gets there?

18:52 – Brady picked off at the goal line.  Oh, and he got hit.  I’m a happy guy.

18:54 – Machete don’t need no Snickers. Machete is good the way he is.

18:55 – As Brady wipes away his sweet, sweet tears, the coach is showing him where he poked the pooch.

18:57 – If Wilson was given any more time in the backfield on that play, he would have had to declare residency in Arizona.  End of 1st Quarter.

18:58 – Remember, President Kennedy wants you to go to sea, but don’t forget your personal pharmacy for the intestinal problems you get on cruise ships.

18:59 – Is it just me, or does Kim Kardashian’s top look like those bars they used to put in front of people’s eyes in old time porn?

19:03 – Because nothing sells beer like lost puppies and their Clydesdale posse.

19:04 – I’d let her kiss me. Just saying.

19:05 – Terminator 7:  The Last RINO.  Can’t hardly wait.

19:05 – Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz?  They’ll go together like liverwurst and kim chi.

19:10 – Random thought – Is there a Korean pop-tart singer with a stage name of “Kim Chi”?

19:11 – Touchdown New England.  7 – 0.

19:13 – Apparently pouring a sugary, acidic, water- based liquid into my servers will make the world a better place.  I need to bring this up at the next technical roundtable discussion.

19:14 – Is some poor helicopter pilot being paid gobs of money to just fly up and down the Grand Canyon tonight?

19:20 – Apparently it’s a big enough deal that one of the quarterbacks hasn’t completed a pass that they’ve mentioned it four times in two minutes.

19:22 – So that’s what it looks like when a race car driver picks up his son for court-ordered visitation.

19:26 – Wow, NationWide, right in the feels.  Well played.

19:28 – Marshawn Lynch is only carrying the ball so that he doesn’t get a fine.

19:29 – Close your mouth, coach, you’ll draw flies.

19:31 – Well, what do you know, the Seahawks have an air game.  Who knew?

19:33 – Touchdown Seattle – Game tied at 7

19:35 – Just give me my #$!@#$!@ coffee and let me get on with my #!$@#$! day.

19:39 – So, Fiat got a boner and produced a station wagon.  Cool.

19:44 – Hey, I know.  We all want to knock Tom Brady on his ass.  But you gotta wait for the ball to move.

19:47 – Wait, that’s real grass?  In Phoenix?  And they wonder why the rest of Arizona hates them.

19:47 – Touchdown New England.  14-7.

19:49 – What is it with the “Hit them in the feels” commercials this year?  I came here to laugh and enjoy people catching footballs, not to feel.

19:55 – The key to victory is to make decisions.  Do, or do not.  There is no try.

19:58 – Touchdown Seattle – Game tied at 14.  End of 1st Half.

20:04 – It’s a sign of the apocalypse, brothers and sisters.  Bob Costas is allowing a little gray to show through the shoe polish.

20:08 – Note to manufacturers – Do not use the uniform to sell cars.  Seriously.  Thank you.

20:11 – And now the HalfTime Show, starring Katy Perry as Michael Jackson.

20:12 – Can I get a little more echo in my playback, please?  I can almost make out the music.  On second hand, never mind, this is better.

20:16 – Costume change.  Bounce Bounce Bounce.  OK, now, I see the secrets of her success.

20:21 – And now, Katy Perry in Godspell.

20:25 – Confidence for young ladies, brought to you by tampons.

20:26 – Bob Costas is pontificating again.  The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

20:32 – Beginning of 2nd Half.

20:33 – Words of wisdom from Belichick – In a tied game, whichever team plays better in this half will win.

20:36 – The field goal crew for Seattle had to put their beers down before they got out to the field, but they are good for 3.  17 to 14 Seattle.

20:38 – Soon, Liam Neeson will be speaking out about civilian ownership of swords and magical fiery dragons.

20:47 – Apparently the grounding rule has been waived this evening.

20:48 – Seattle intercepts again.  Richard Sherman celebrates by blocking somebody in the back.

20:53 – Seattle touchdown.  24 -14 Seattle.  Seattle player penalized for celebrating a touchdown in the Super Bowl.  There is no justice in this world.

20:55 – Someday I want to be as smooth as Pierce Brosnan.  I really like fireworks, too.

20:58 – “Sorry, it’s a boy”.  Screw you and T-Mobile, Sarah Silverman.

21:01 – And what do you do?  I’m an NFL neuro-trauma consultant.  — I want to hear this at a barbecue.

21:03 – Oh, sweet.  An old chestnut from a communist used to sell cars made by a multi-national capitalist conglomerate.  This land is your land, but I’m a gonna drive my Jeep across it.

21:12 – The most Google’d auto brand is Ford.  People are using Google to look for answers to symptoms.

21:14 – Did I just see a guy get tacked via Atomic Wedgie?

21:16 – Oh, wow.  It’s the 4th Quarter.

21:18 – A sequel to Ted.  Yep.  They’ve run out of ideas.

21:19 – LocTite may just have won the SuperBowl.  Weird commercial, but at least it was entertaining.

21:20 – Oh, gee, oh golly gosh darn.  Brady got sacked.

21:27 – Touchdown New England – 21 – 24 Seattle

21:29 – Seriously, I just wanted a beer.  I don’t even like video games!

21:30 – Tom Brady now holds a record for Superbowl touchdowns at 12, surpassing Joe Montana.  Of course, he already holds the NFL career record for Most Insufferable Douchebag from the Bay Area.

21:32 – I was hoping the tortoise would use that Mercedes to run over the hare.

21:37 – Pork from above!  Doritos wants you to know that no pigs were hurt during filming of that commercial.  Not counting the ones that were served at the post-shoot barbecue.

21:47 – Touchdown New England.  28 – 24 New England

21:51 – The Victoria’s Secret commercial reminds me that we haven’t seen the cheerleaders during the game.

21:56 – Now, that was a very, very pretty catch.  I don’t think the receiver knew whether or not he’d actually caught it.

21:59 – Pass intercepted by New England at the goal line.  Belichick and Brady begin the ritual sacrifice of a goat in thanksgiving.

22:03 – Seattle steps on it schwanz and lets New England get out off the goal line.  Seattle coaching staff begins preparations to sacrifice a defensive back pour encourageur les autres.

22:04 – A hockey game breaks out after the whistle on the last play.  A Seattle player is ejected so that he can be ritually cleansed for the post-game sacrifice.

22:06 – Belichick is doused with Gatorade to wash the slime off before the post-game interviews.

22:06 – New England takes a knee and wins the Super Bowl.  Good night and good luck.

18:24 – Wow, they finally found someone who could actually sing to do the National Anthem.

18:25 – Apparently, Noah is an action story now.

18:28 – Joe Namath had one job, dammit.  Nice fur, though.  That ref might have a job as a wide receiver for the Raiders next year, though.

18:29 – Insert obligatory reference to the temperature at an outdoor venue.

18:31 – If you own Ford stock, I suggest you call your broker.  Boy, they put up a shitty, hideously expensive commercial, then doubled down on stupid.

18:32 – And we’re off. And the Bronco’s start off their master strategy by whipping out their schwanz and stepping on it in cleats.

18:47 – It’s a bad thing to hear “Oh you sexy thing” playing in a commercial that features a bull.  Just saying.

18:39 – This just in – The Denver defense is stuck on the bridge from New York and expects to get in sometime during the second quarter.

18:42 – Seattle throws the red flag.  For those of you who do not follow American football, that means the coach wants to have a second look at a call, and the rest of us are going for a beer.

18:43 – Remember what I said about Ford?  The same goes for Anheiser Busch.

18:44 – Hey Maserati, cool commercial.  Too bad I didn’t know what you were selling until 3 seconds before it ended.

18:45 – Seattle loses the challenge.  One less bathroom break later in the half.

18:46 – Seattle hits for 3.

18:48 – Chevy hits the oddly funny note with their bull stud sexy thing ad.

18:49 – I don’t blame him.  I run that far down the field, I’m going to hit someone too.

18:51 – 3 and out for Denver.

18:53 – You know what I prefer to watching the Super Bowl?  Doing my taxes.

18:57 – Nice headfake there, Lynch. Shame it didn’t work.

18:59 – Well, that attempt to make NFL Films didn’t work.  Trick plays are only legendary when you can pull them off.

19:00 – OK, that worked.  Nice throw.  Seattle on the Denver 6 yard line now.

19:01 – Whoops, I spoke too soon.  Holding call.  Seattle at the Denver 11 yard line.

19:03 – Denver challenge on whether the pass was forward or backward.  Now there’s an esoteric part of the rule book I’ll have to explain.

19:04 – Arnold Schwarzenegger just needs to hang it up.  Really.  That was emberrassing.  If he needs the money, he can just ask us.

19:05 – Well, that happened.   Ellen was cute in that awkward kind of way, the same way she’s been for the past 15 years.

19:06 – Denver loses the challenge.  Do they not want me to have a break at the end of the half?

19:07 – Seattle up 8-0 after a field goal.

19:08 – Cool, U2 is still making music.

19:09 – Hyundai has a pretty good commercial there.   Dads taking a smack in the ribs with a baseball bat always gets me to the dealership.

19:11 – Fumble by Denver recovered by Denver.  Pucker factor reported to be high.

19:12 – I don’t know who was more surprised by that interception – Payton  Peyton Manning or the guy on the Seahawks who caught it.

19:13 – Oh, boy, another social networking site.  I can hardly wait.

19:14 – The Denver defense reports that they sent someone back to get a shitload of dimes, but they still hope to be at the stadium by halftime.

19:15 – End of the first quarter.

19:16 – Dammit, Chevy.  Sniff Snarfle Snargle

19:21 – Pass interference in the end zone by Denver.  That’s an ass beating, right there.

19:22 – Touchdown Seattle.

19:23 – 15-0 Seattle

19:24 – Tebow tackles Sasquatch.  I’d call that a win.

19:25 – Marky Mark in a Transformers movie?  That might be watchable.

19:25 – Here’s a hint – If you catch the ball in the end zone and run it out, I suggest running straight forward like your ass was on fire.  Fancy footwork gets you tackled at the 15 yard line.

19:29 – I’ll be damned, Denver got a first down.

19:33 – It would appear that Denver finally figured this thing out.

19:39 – Never mind – Interception.  Touchdown Seattle.   22-0

19:40 – Dear Volkswagen.   You win.  That is all.

19:42 – Fumble.  Seattle recovers on Denver 33 yard line.  Now they go off to sacrifice a squirrel to the gods of reviewing.

19:45 – Review gives the ball back to Denver.  Denver’s coach puts away the thumbscrew.

19:46 – Irish Woman wonders aloud if Manning is wearing both of his contact lenses tonight.

19:48 – Two minute warning.

19:49 – Coke wins the heartwarming commercial award for the first half.

19:51 – Look at that.  The screen worked for Denver.

19:54 – Turnover on downs. Seattle ball on their 22 yard line.

19:57 – Halftime.  The Denver coach reports that he plans to crucify two offensive linemen in the locker room pour encourager les autres.

20:01 – Boo is in bed.  Someone has stolen the beer from by bottle.  Off to get another one and do some laundry.  Should be just as exciting as the halftime show.

20:18 – You know it’s going to be a short show when Flea is wearing more than a strategically placed tube sock.

20:22 – Well, that wasn’t absolutely horrifying.  Oh, God, Prince has an afro.

20:31 – And away we go.  Seattle scores on the kickoff.  29-0.

20:39 – And Audi wins a cookie for the Doberhuahua.

20:44 – OK, let’s see if the Denver defense made it to the second half.

20:45 – Oh, joy, Axe has a new fragrance out.  Something new to gag about the next time I chaperone a field trip.

20:45 – Good to see that my grizzly brothers are finally represented in the commercials.

20:52 – And Kia wins the “Pick the Carcass” award for the evening with its Matrix inspired car ad.

20:54 – John Elway looks oh, so happy.

20:55 – Fumble by Denver, picked up by Seattle.  Oh yeah, and a 15 yard foul against Denver.

20:58 – Good on that lieutenant for dressing well and not acting badly when he was going to be on live TV.

21:02 – Touchdown Seattle.  36-0.  Denver coach begins decimation of his defense.  If I wasn’t writing this, I’d probably have changed the channel by now.

21:05 – Bob Dylan made a pretty good commercial for the UAW.   I’m surprised they were able to reanimate his corpse so well this late in the winter.

21:11 – Denver scores a touchdown.  That is their first score in the game, with less than 20 seconds left in the 3rd quarter.  They go for two, and they make it.  36-8 Seattle.

21:15 – Hey Rocky!  Watch me pull an on-side kick out of my hat!  But that trick never works!  This time for sure!  Presto!  Seattle ball on the Denver 47 yard line.

21:20 – Seattle touchdown.  43-8.

21:27 – I’m starting to hope for a record win for Seattle here.  At least that would be memorable.

21:32 – Denver’s strategy of tiring Seattle’s defense by letting them chase down Peyton Manning is starting to pay off.

21:42 – Commentators speculating on Manning’s future.  I’m sure he’ll go home and cry on his big pile of money and wonder what he’ll do tomorrow.

21:45 – This just in – Denver’s defense has called in from Philadelphia.  They want to know if anyone wants a cheese steak.  Denver leadership has asked Queen Latifah to suit up as a defensive lineman.

21:47 – Manning gives up the ball when his arm gets jogged during a forward pass.

21:48 – Irish Woman asks why it’s the “Vince Lombardi” trophy.  I reply that Vince Lombardi was the greatest coach the NFL ever had and that she should turn north and bow toward Lambeau.

21:51 – Budweiser reminds me to tell Irish Woman and Girlie Bear that we do not need another Labrador Retriever.

21:52 – Doritos, on the other hand, reminds me that I need a mastiff.

21:54 – Denver’s new strategy – Make it to the Newark airport alive.

21:55 – And that’s that.  The Seattle Seahawks beat the Denver Broncos like they wanted to change their name to “Toby”.

I’m not sure what this says about our priorities, but one of the big headlines today is that the lockout strike between the National Football League and the union that represents its referees appears to be over.  Referees are returning to the field, and are expected to officiate tonight’s game.  If you believe the pundits on sports TV and a lot of the guys at my office, this places somewhere between the second coming and the invention of the thong bikini for good news.

Now, I’m a football fan.  I like nothing better than to have the game on the TV on a brisk Sunday afternoon.  But the amount of ink and stress hormones that have been burned over this is shocking.  The issues seem to be:

• The perceived parsimony of the NFL teams when it comes to the comparatively paltry sum satisfying the union’s demands would have cost.
• The manner in which replacement referees ran the games, especially when it came to the calls and penalties they dished out.

On the first point, I have to agree with the pundits.  The NFL could have made all of this go away a month ago by signing a check that would have been dwarfed by the signing bonus for the latest 20-year-old train wreck who won the genetic lottery.  This has been an exercise in “Oh yeah?  Well, your mother!” on their part.

As for the abilities of the replacement refs, I think they’ve been given the wet end of the stick.  All of the experienced NFL refs were off the job.  The best college refs probably didn’t want to get involved because they hope to someday make the big bucks calling touchdowns in the NFL, and nothing deep sixes a prospective job opportunity like being on the list of people who crossed the picket line.  So what the NFL got was the people from lower college strata and below.  These aren’t professionals.  If the NFL was lucky, they got gifted amateurs who got thrown in with the Lions at the very last minute.  Regular refs get weeks of training in the summer, followed by pre-season to get warmed up. These guys got a couple of days to learn the differences between intramural football and the professionals, then they were off to the races without a crew of seasoned veterans to support them.  So the repeated calls for their mass flogging when they made a bad call or didn’t control a game the same way a crew with over a century of collective experience would have might be a bit of overreaction.

But that’s beside the point.  During this labor strife, the Mid-East has gone from smoldering to meltdown.  Iran is not only accelerating its nuclear program, but is making those “Israel really needs to get change of address forms” noises again.  China, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, and the Hottentots are making angry gorilla noises over a few dots of rock in the middle of an ocean that happens to sit over a large reservoir of petroleum.  And most scary of all, there is a projected shortage of bacon that will hit the economy soon, driving normally rational people to the streets in search of pork bellies and salt.

I’m not sure if this is a concerted effort to distract us from what’s going on in the real world.   Maybe it just shows how far gone we are that the labor differences between the owners of teams of grown men who play a children’s game for millions of dollars and the men who wear striped shirts and make sure the players don’t gouge each others’ eyes out get as much or more press than an upcoming presidential election.  Either way, it doesn’t bode well for the Republic.

Can we please get back to watching and caring about football on Sunday and leave the rest of the news cycle for things that actually matter?