I probably won’t be posting much today. This day always makes me feel a tad irrational.
All posts in category silliness
If You Give A Bear a Mossberg
If you give a bear a Mossberg 590, he’s probably going to want to put a few doodads on it.
If you let him put some doodads on his shotgun, he’ll want a Magpul SGA stock so he can do a better job of wrapping his paws around it.
If you give him a Magpul SGA stock for his Mossberg, the bear is going to want to put the neat MOE fore-end on it, because it’ll match.
If you give him an MOE fore-end, he’s going to want to put a sling adaptor on it, because the stock comes with one, and a shotgun gets heavy when you carry it all day.
If you get him the sling adaptor, he’s going to want a 3 point sling, because operators use one when they’re operating operationally.
If you get him the sling, he’s going to notice that sometimes you have to shoot at night, so he’s going to want a Streamlight 7000 lumen flashlight to put on the fore-end.
If you give him the Streamlight 7000 lumen flashlight, he’s going to want a laser to go on the other side of the MOE fore-end, because it will help to aim.
If you give him a laser for his shotgun, he’s going to take it to the range and shoot it.
If he takes it to the range and shoots it, he’s going to notice all the doodads make the gun heavier and not as much fun to shoot.
If he notices that the gun is a bit heavy and not a lot of fun to shoot, he’s going to ask you for a Remington 870, because that’s what all his friends have, and you can never have too many shotguns.
And if you give him a Remington 870, chances are he’s going to want to put a few doodads on it.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 11, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/11/if-you-give-a-bear-a-mossberg/
Good Thing, Bad Thing
Good Thing – Your wife turns over in her sleep, and reaches out to gently touch your face.
Bad Thing – While doing so, she pokes you in the right eye with her finger nail.
Good Thing – Having a playful water fight in the kitchen with your wife after you say something stupid.
Bad Thing – Slipping on the wet floor, thereby wrenching your back and twisting your knee.
Good Thing – Your loving wife checks to make sure you’re OK when you’ve wrenched your back and twisted your knee.
Bad Thing – She uses your relative immobility to give you one final dousing before leaving the kitchen and walking off in victory.
Posted by daddybear71 on February 9, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/02/09/good-thing-bad-thing/
A Little Humor
Ole the Norwegian was sitting at the bar in his favorite tavern. Sven came in with his new dog. This dog was big, mean, and aggressive, and Sven seemed to enjoy letting him bark and snap at people. The bartender was scared to say anything, and Sven just kept moving down the bar to scare the patrons.
Eventually, it was Ole’s turn. He was so scared by that dog that he fell off his bar stool. Ole picked himself up and walked out of the tavern, chased by Sven’s laughter and the growls of his dog. His entertainment over for the moment, Sven took a seat at a table in the back of the bar.
A little while later, Ole came back in. He was accompanied by a little yellow dog on a leash.
Sven looked at the little yellow dog and roared with laughter. As Ole tried to eat his lunch and drink his beer, Sven kept trying to get Ole to let his dog fight Sven’s dog. Ole resisted at first, but eventually relented
The patrons cleared a space in the middle of the bar, and the two dogs met in the middle.
Snap! Growl! Crunch!
Suddenly, all that was left in the middle of the bar was the little yellow dog and a bit of black hair floating toward the floor.
Ole gathered up his dog and started toward the door.
Staring in disbelief, Sven demanded “Vere did you get dat dog?”
Ole answered “Vell, I got him at da zoo. Before I trimmed his nose and his tail and painted him yellow, he vas an alligator.”
First moral of the story: You don’t have to look dangerous to be a danger to those who want to harm you.
Second moral of the story: Never pick a fight. You might just find out how overmatched you really are.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 25, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/11/25/a-little-humor/
A Bit of Humor
A reporter was interviewing an old Scandinavian fighter pilot, asking him how it was in the war.
“Vell,” said the old guy, “vee used to fly up dere and dogfight dem Krauts. Ya, vee used to shoot dem German fokkers outta da sky.”
“For the benefit of our viewers,” interrupted the reporter, “we should explain that the term ‘fokker’ refers to a specific type of German fighter plane.”
“Vell ya,” said the old Scandinavian pilot, “but those fokkers were Messerschmitt’s.”
Thanks to Flight Humor for the chuckle.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 11, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/11/11/a-bit-of-humor/
President Obama’s Latest Speech
DaddyBear News Network now takes you to President Obama’s latest address to members of Congress about what it will take to end the impasse over the federal budget.
Wow, too bad about Harry Reid’s head and Jay Carney’s fingers, but did you see how masterfully our dear leader got control of Vice-President Biden when he wanted to run rampant in the halls of Congress? How fortunate we are to have such a strong, gentle, and loving leader in these hard times.
Stay tuned to DBNN for further updates.
Posted by daddybear71 on October 2, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/10/02/president-obamas-latest-speech/
Overheard on the Side Porch
Knock Knock Knock
DaddyBear – Hi.
Utilities Contractor With Great Attitude And A Reflective Vest (UCWGAAARV) – Hello, sir! We’re all done with the work on the riser. Just need to restart your appliances.
DaddyBear – No need. Everything’s either electric or electronic ignition.
UCWGAAARV – Everything? Water heater too?
Daddybear – Yep. We should be good to go.
UCWGAAARV – Sweet! I love the easy ones. Have a good one!
DaddyBear – You too. Thanks.
See? I can be reasonable if others are reasonable with me.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 30, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/09/30/overheard-on-the-side-porch/
Overheard on the Front Step
Knock Knock
…….
Knock knock knock
…….
BANG BANG BANG BANG
DaddyBear – Hello, sorry it took so long to get to the door. I was at the back of the house.
Utility Contractor With A Pissy Attitude And A Reflective Vest (UCWAPAAARV) – Good morning, sir. I’m with UTILITYCONTRACTOR. We’re going to be replacing the gas riser next to your house today.
DaddyBear – Oh, yes, I saw the pamphlet that LG&E sent. So we’ll be losing gas for a while today, then.
UCWAPAAARV – Yes, you will. When we’re done, we’ll need someone 18 or over to be home so that we can relight your stove, furnace, and water heater.
DaddyBear – That won’t be necessary. All of our stuff has electronic ignition.
UCWAPAAARV – LG&E says we have to go in and do it. We’ll just go in and check.
DaddyBear – No, that’s not necessary.
UCWAPAAARV – LG&E says it has to be done. The paperwork says we have to come in and check.
DaddyBear – And my name on the deed says you won’t. Let me know when you’re done so I can use the oven again. Thanks.
Sound of door closing
Grrrr. My people skills aren’t up to someone coming to my door and telling me that I have to let them into my home this morning.
Posted by daddybear71 on September 30, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/09/30/overheard-on-the-front-step/
Review – Ice Mountain 20 Ounce Spring Water
The following is a copy of a review I posted to the BIGBOXGRAYANDBLUEHARDWARESTORE website after receiving a “Please review the product you purchased” email. No, I did not go into BIGBOXGRAYANDBLUEHARDWARESTORE to purchase a bottle of water. It was bought as an afterthought after I’d paid for my main purchase. By the way, I didn’t receive an email from BIGBOXGRAYANDBLUEHARDWARESTORE asking me to review the main thing I bought.
DaddyBear71Location:Louisville, KYGender:MaleAge:35-44Time of Purchase:within last monthPlace of Purchase:in storeLevel of Expertise:ExpertDate:July 16, 2013Features:5 / 5Value:5 / 5Design:5 / 5Quality:5 / 5Ease of use:5 / 5For some reason, BIGBOXGRAYANDBLUEHARDWARESTORE felt the need to send me an email asking me to write a review of the bottle of water I purchased from them when I was in the store recently, so here goes:The bottle contained the amount of water advertised. The water was wet. The bottle contained no leaks, and water came out of the top of the bottle quite easily after I removed the cap. It quenched my thirst and didn’t poison me. I would recommend water to any of my friends who are thirsty and in BIGBOXGRAYANDBLUEHARDWARESTORE.Pros High quality, DurableI would recommend this to a friend
Here’s a hint – I really dislike spam from people I just gave money to.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 16, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/07/16/review-ice-mountain-20-ounce-spring-water/
Things That Get Under My Skin, But Shouldn’t
- Someone trying to phonetically spell something, not knowing how to do it properly, but knowing how to do a few letters properly.
- Bonus points for using multiple words for the same letter.
- “That’s F as in Finger, B as in Bravo, M as in Moby, F as in Foxtrot, and C as in Cupcake.
- Either learn to do it properly, or just be a total goofball with it.
- People who use Harry Potter jargon to describe personal relationships and other people.
- You are not a wizard. I am not a muggle.
- You did not snog your significant other. You gave her a peck on the cheek.
- I don’t care what you solemnly swear to, you’re still a twit.
- Being told I’m immature because I still feel joy in things I liked 30 years ago.
- Bonus points for being told this by someone who lives on a diet of office drama and romance novels.
- Puritans and purists.
- Leave me alone to do what I want to do as long as I’m not harming you.
- If I wanted to hear about how I should be living my life, I’d get a psychic and contact my mother.
- I’m so glad you live in a black and white world where you have the freedom and means to be politically or religiously or whateverly pure in thought, word and deed. I live in my world, which is as messed up as a football bat and I’m doing what’s right for me and my family.
- Being told that if someone had been in the military, they’d have been a 4 star Airborne Ranger Green Beret Delta Force SEAL rescue jumper, and I should treat them with the respect that earns.
- Bonus points for the goober who tries to tell me about how the old Soviet Union ran, that we should have gotten involved in Bosnia sooner, why we should start a war with North Korea, and why their opinion is more valid than mine because they knew this one guy once who knew stuff and junk and all I ever did was be a dumb Army guy.
- Being told how hard freshman year in the dorm was and how easy I had it going to basic training and AIT at the same age.
- Really, Captain Crotchfire? You had to live on ramen and potted meat from the convenience store at the end of the month and it was a few days until the next check from Mom and Dad arrived? You had to get a roommate that summer to make ends meet? You actually had to consider getting a job before you took out another student loan? Must have really sucked.
- People who try to impose today’s political correctness on entertainment from decades ago.
- Yes, Virginia, cartoonists used to put smoking into their work for children. I’m sorry you’re offended.
- I’m sure Walt Disney and Friz Freling would be offended by the abject sexuality and bloody-minded violence of your cartoon of choice.
Posted by daddybear71 on July 15, 2013
https://daddybearsden.com/2013/07/15/things-that-get-under-my-skin-but-shouldnt/
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 