• It’s a good feeling when the puppy wants to get playful at 9:30 PM. It’s a good stress reliever playing fetch in the living room/kitchen for an hour.
• It’s not so good for the stress when you discover that the reason the puppy is so energetic that late at night is because she got into the basement storage room and ATE AN ENTIRE MRE, INCLUDING THE VANILLA CAPPUCCINO POWDER.
  • That explains the athletic prowess, including sprints, both high and long jumps, and the ability to move faster than the human eye can see.
• Remember those cute signs about how an unattended child will be given an espresso and a puppy? Well, last night, we had both of those in one package.
• She’s fine, and no, she didn’t get into the chewing gum. I monitored her all night long, and no gastrointestinal or cardiac issues noted.
• In other news, I am going to be spending some time replacing the lock on that door. Either it’s faulty, or my puppy has advanced infiltration skills.

Gentlemen, “When are you going to learn to not touch the hot stove again?” is not the response your wife is looking for when she needs to ‘talk’ about her frustrations with her latest volunteer effort.

Repeating that question several times in the course of a discussion does not improve it, either.

Just nod, grunt approvingly, and agree with her at appropriate intervals. In the long run, it’s the best course of action for both of you.

Remember, ‘tis better to be happy than to be right.

• Don’t call it a ‘recession’. Rather, call it ‘the economy that dare not speak its name’
  • We have officially reached the “I’m not paying that much for that anymore” stage of consumerism around here. Several nonessentials that I buy regularly are priced too high, so I’m not buying them.
  • Another thing that points to imminent suckage is the regularity that things like soap are out of stock when Amazon does my monthly drop shipment of staples. If one of the biggest companies on the planet can’t get common items, then things are going sideways somewhere.
  • I have the same feeling I always got just as we got to the top of the log flume rides at Six Flags. I know the near future is going to suck, but we’re at a bit of stasis at the moment.
• The turkey is thawing, the bread for the stuffing has been bought, and my givadam is polished and ready to go. Bring on Thanksgiving.
• Part of holiday preparation was to bathe the animals so they don’t smell like, well, animals. One puppy actively tried to make a run for it after being put in the tub. The other looked at me as if I was beating her. Both are now squeaky clean, which is their signal to go and roll in something.

Me, examining a new piece of industrial cutlery the big brown truck of happiness delivered today – This is cool, but it needs to be sharpened up a bit.

Her – Do not sharpen that!

Me, running my thumb along the relatively sharp edge – Why?

Her – Because there’s a 200% chance of you cutting yourself with that. If it had one edge, there’d only be a 100% chance, but it has two, so it’s 200%.

She’s not wrong. Luckily, I had a bandaid handy.

• I would rather be both happy and right, but I will settle with happy. Being happy means I don’t have to sleep with one eye open.
• Someday, some of the people who think they are a part of my life will figure out that me not caring at all about them does not mean I hate them. Hate takes too many calories. I prefer indifference to the point of not remembering they exist until they intrude upon my consciousness again.
  • Being hated by me is a privilege I extend only to a select few, and it is a privilege that you must certainly earn.
• As an independent voter, I am going to have to stock up on popcorn now so that I have enough for the 2024 political season.
• The news is full of reports that people have lost literally billions of dollars they entrusted to an inexperienced 20-something with limited oversight who kept his ‘business’ in the Bahamas.
  • Somehow, these people have the chutzpah to act surprised when their riches disappeared.
  • I mean, if you can’t trust a 29 year old with bad hygiene, manners, and fashion sense to hold onto your nest egg while living in a house with the 9 other people who run his company, including a girlfriend who openly brags about how great pharmaceutical stimulants are, who can you trust?
  • Dude, if you don’t understand it or can’t touch it, don’t invest in it. Even if you can and do, you better have someone with neither a neck nor a sense of humor available to ensure that your investment is being watched over carefully.
• Apparently, holsters for my new pistol have to be made on the hips of Cuban virgins out of imported Rhodesian emu hide. The magazines appear to have been crafted by master dwarven artisans out of finest trans-orbital unobtanium, too.
• As a return to the office lurks somewhere just over my horizon, I’ve been considering picking up a smaller car, new or used, for the hour-long commute.
  • Irish Woman is under the incorrect impression that I can wave my hand imperiously, and my employer will make a desk appear out of the ether for me to use at one of the company’s other, closer, facilities.
  • I had to break it to her that every other person who lives on our side of town already had that idea, and there is no room at that particular inn.
  • I’m not sure she believes me, but her will can only bend reality so far outside of our yard.
  • So, anyway, I looked at dealerships and used car lots in the area. There is a bit of inventory, not much, but a bit. However, the cost of a 2 year old used sedan is about what my parents paid for their first home. A new car is more than our last two cars combined.
  • Guess I’ll be driving the F150 for a bit more until this silliness gets under control.