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News Roundup

From the “That Didn’t Take Long” Department – Spain’s Prime Minister has announced that he sides with Germany in a disagreement over how the European countries should plan their mutual defense.  France has suggested that the Europeans should provide for their own safety, while Germany and other ‘allies’ believe that continued reliance on American NATO funding coordination was most economical important.  The Prime Minister went on to say that he hopes that now that the American election is over, the two sides of the Atlantic alliance can ‘reestablish a positive agenda’.  By this, of course, he hopes that the flow of American money and blood will return to pre-Trump administration levels, giving a positive upswing to the coffers of the various European governments who have been pressured to pay for their own defense since 2017.

From the “Butter, not Guns” Department – The European Union expects to be self-sufficient in the production of batteries for electric vehicles by 2025.  Sales of electric cars on the Continent are rising even as overall automobile sales slump.  It’s amazing how much can be done when you can rely on Poland and a few thousand American soldiers to keep Vladimir Putin from receiving deep-tissue foot rubs by Angela Merkel’s cute great-grandniece on the evening news without having to break the bank or get your own hands dirty.  No official word yet on other European energy plans, although this reporter has been advised that they include truckloads of money thrown into huge furnaces at former coal power plants.

From the “All Animals Are Equal” Department – China has announced that it has eradicated extreme poverty within its borders.  Their criteria included an average daily income of less than $1.52 a day and lack of access to basic services such as involuntary experimentation healthcare, constant monitoring over all public and private activities, and easy access to prison camps educational facilities.  The Communist government claims that it has elevated 93 million of its people out of poverty in the last decade.  In totally unrelated news, the government announced that its goal to provide 93 million inexpensive factory workers to the wealthy portions of its country has been achieved.  In addition, Beijing unveiled a new plan to provide cheap land to wealthy investors in recently discovered, unpopulated areas in the Chinese hinterlands.

From the “Adventures in Gardening” Department – A Massachusetts man recently got a bit of a surprise when he unearthed a mortar shell while digging in his yard.  Authorities were alerted, and the object was removed and destroyed safely.  No word on how it came to be buried on the man’s property, but he now has the best excuse known to mankind for not doing yard work.

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