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Rules for Waking Up Your Husband

  1. Do not wake up your husband for inclement weather until the dude on TV is telling folks five miles from your house to get in the basement.
  2. Do wake up your husband when you hear something that may or may not be a home intruder, large critter on the porch, or ghost.
  3. Do not wake up your husband for a sick child until the child tells you it is sick. That is, of course, unless said sprog is an infant, in which case neither of you will be asleep anyway.
  4. Do wake up your husband if the child announces said malady by spewing like a shaken can of cheap beer.
  5. Do not wake up your husband because your alarm is going off.  He has one of his own.
  6. Do wake up your husband if his alarm is going off, has awoken you, and he is still comatose. Please be merciful.
  7. Do not wake up your husband because you are mad at him for something he did in a dream.
  8. Do wake up your husband if you wake up afraid or upset about something you dreamed.
  9. Do not wake up your husband because you are bored and want to talk about that thing you watched on TV last night that you know makes him want to shove his head in the blender and hit the ‘frappe’ button.
  10. Do wake up your husband if you just need a quick kiss or hug to let you know how much he loves you, because he does indeed love you more than he loves sleep.

6 Comments

  1. Daddy Hawk

     /  April 11, 2017

    I used to get nailed for #7 all.the.time. Very annoying.

  2. I also wake him up if the CPAP mask has slipped, and it sounds like I’m trying to sleep off the approach end of the runway, with extra snoring and gasping. Or at least thump an elbow into his ribs, until he fixes it.

    Otherwise, these are good ground rules. 🙂

  3. suz

     /  April 12, 2017

    Do not wake up your husband until the coffee pot is finished making coffee. The only exception is when his fire house first responder pager is going off, after I peeled myself off the ceiling. Damn thing was turned all the way up and he could still sleep through it.

    • Since Irish Woman does not partake of the blessed juice of the blackened bean, she does not prepare it in the wee hours of the morning. On good days, I have the forethought to set the pot up before I go to bed. Most mornings, I probably look like a monkey doing math while I try to get it going.

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