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News Roundup

  • From the “Going Places” Department – The Obama administration is asking Japanese auto manufacturer Toyota why Daesh, the terrorist organization currently enjoying a boost in Syria as Russia bombs half of its opponents into the Stone Age, got so many Hylux and Land Cruiser trucks.  Apparently nobody in the State Department has ever actually been to the 3rd World, where one cannot swing a dead cat without striking a Toyota.  In other news, the Pentagon is questioning Kalashnikov about why Daesh has so many AK-pattern rifles and carbines.
  • From the “For the Children” Department – Chicago is experiencing an epidemic of fatal overdoses among heroine addicts, with 74 people dying in a recent three day period.  I, for one, am tired of seeing the senseless deaths of our citizens, and I demand that Congress climb out of Big Pharma’s pockets and immediately pass legislation making heroine illegal.  They should also make the use of fentanyl, a remarkably strong pain killer, highly regulated and only available from specially licensed doctors and pharmacies.
  • From the “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” Department – Scientists and other staff at the South Pole apparently like to tie one on every so often. And by “every so often,” they appear to mean “whenever.”  Normally, I’d be all for people getting lit whenever they feel like it, but apparently some are taking it too far.  Reports of fights and other problems with inebriated South Pole denizens are becoming common. Of course, I can’t really blame them.  What else are you going to do when it’s below zero out, the sun either hasn’t come up or gone down in weeks, and you live in a small building with 25 of your closest friends?  Parcheesi only goes so far, and nobody wants a repeat of the Great Dungeons and Dragons versus Monopoly Riot of 1998.
  • From the “Brown Water” Department – A study in Austria suggests that people who like bitter things, like coffee and dark chocolate, are more likely to be aggressive or possibly even psychopathic.  I, as a lover of coffee that blocks out all light and chocolate so pure that it crunches, have only this to say – You touch my coffee or my chocolate, and I will cut you four types of bad:  long, deep, wide, and often.
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4 Comments

  1. John in Philly

     /  October 14, 2015

    Maybe the State Department will someday wake up and live in the real world, but that is doubtful.

    Maybe thionite is beginning to make an appearance in Chicago.

    Maybe the South Pole needs an influx of former Navy submariners, those folks would think the conditions at the South Pole would be the height of luxury.

    Maybe my love of intensely black and bitter coffee does indicate a borderline degree of psychopathy, but I don’t care. And if you continue to serve coffee that I can see through, we just can’t be friends.

  2. skidmark

     /  October 14, 2015

    [quote]From the “For the Children” Department – Chicago is experiencing an epidemic of fatal overdoses among heroine</b? addicts, with 74 people dying in a recent three day period.[/quote]

    It's about time Mordor on the Lake had some folks stepping up and dealing with the criminal element. But I want to know if there are pictures of these ladies wearing the skimpy comic cosplay costumes.

    stay safe.

  3. Windy Wilson

     /  October 18, 2015

    With the State Department making inquiries about truck ownership among Terrorists, will background checks and “one truck a month” laws and laws against straw purchasers be long in coming?

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