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My Alphabet

A is for Apfelkorn, cold and tart and warming

B is for Bourbon, and that’s good enough for me.

C is for coffee, as strong and sweet as Irish Woman

D is for drama, which I’ve had enough of, thank you.

E is for eggs, with which you serve bacon.

F is for frozen, like my favorite part of the year

G is for Glock, the McDonald’s of the firearms industry.

H is for Hoppes, the sweet smell of clean.

I is for incorrigible, which is how Irish Woman describes me

J is for jerk, which I can be sometimes

K is for Kroil, getting down in all the nooks and crannies of my guns.

L is for lightweight, which is why I don’t drink very much

M is for Mosin, my favorite rifle.

N is for Nagant, see above, unless you have one of those revolvers.

O is for over-caffeinated, which has been my state since before Thanksgiving

P is for pizza, which isn’t for breakfast anymore.

Q is for quiet, which I hope to appreciate again once the kids move out of the house or I lose my hearing, whichever comes first.

R is for revolver, which is both a great album and one of my gunny fascinations.

S is for smoke, curling up and around the meat in my barbecue.

T is for tequila. Oh, Lord, make the pain stop.

U is for unprepared, which is my state every time I sit down to write.

V is for vodka, clear and pure and evil.

W is for Wolf, as dirty as day old sin.

X is for ex-wife, an irritation that will disappear from my life someday

Y is for yesterday, which sometimes seems so long ago.

Z is for zilch, which is the balance in my gun fund these days.

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