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Musings

  • Well, the Mueller report is out, and it seems to say whatever the people commenting on it want it to say.
    • I haven’t seen this much projection since I took a behind-the-scenes tour of a 15 screen movie theater when I was a Cub Scout.
  • Note to self – In the unlikely event that I become President, task #1 after the inauguration is to fire everyone I can legally fire.
    • Tast #2 is to replace them with overly loyal and, at least, somewhat competent people.
    • Seems like a good way to reduce the chances of getting shanked in the showers.
  • Interestingly enough, the person I was speaking to the other day about politics and the Notre Dame fire did not see the irony of believing that Bernie Sanders should be allowed to do whatever he wants with his money while at the same time believing that it’s evil to donate millions to restore a religiously and culturally significant building.
  • Irish Woman paid a nice young man to carve on her corneas with a ruby-chromium laser the other day. So far, so good. Of course, she could already freeze ice and/or kill with a glance.

Musings

  • Is it a bad thing that the first thought to go through my mind after I opened my eyes this morning was “Well, let’s get this shit show on the road.”?
    • My morning prayer has devolved down to “Dear Lord, please give me the strength to do what’s right and the patience to deal with those who don’t. But if it is your will that I choke the living !#$! out of someone today, your will be done.”
  • You’d think that as a boy learns to obsess over something new (Spiderman), he’d drop something else (Harry Potter, Narnia), wouldn’t you?
    • Could be worse. Could be Pokemon.
  • Met two veterans today. Even though we didn’t know each other from Adam, within 15 minutes, we were swapping stories like old friends. It was a good feeling.
  • We’ve reached that wonderful part of the year here in Kentucky where all of the outdoor plants are trying to kill me. We had a light rain the other morning, and it left a greenish-yellow sludge on the low spots in the parking lot at work.

Marvel Movies Round-Up

Over the past few months, we’ve been watching the movies that make up the Marvel Cinematic Universe. We had seen and liked Iron Man when it first came out, but for one reason or another, have never watched the rest of the films.

So, due to me being a big kid and Boo coming to that age where he could watch them, we decided to give them a whirl.

We finished up this morning by watching a matinee of Captain Marvel. Next comes the new Avengers movie at the end of April, then all of the rest that will flow from the great Disney hive mind over the next decade.

In no particular order, here are my impressions of the movies:

  • Iron Man – Rich son of a World War II hero realizes that making weapons is bad when one is used on him. Makes up for it by creating the most advanced weapons system in the history of mankind.
  • Iron Man II – Hero of the last movie turns into even more of a douche, then runs into the son of a man his father had deported back to the Soviet Union for the unforgivable sin of wanting to become rich.
  • Thor – The eponymous God of Thunder gets a little tough love from Father Odin, then meets the girl of his dreams while at the same time learning that violence only solves family issues.
  • Captain America: The First Avenger – A 90 pound weakling, while not posing for the before pictures in Charles Atlas comic book advertisements, is turned into the after picture for Charles Atlas comic book advertisements. Hijinks ensue when he discovers a talent for punching super-Nazis in the face.
  • The Avengers – All of our heroes team up to fight an alien invasion. Said invasion is facilitated by Thor’s brother Loki, thereby proving that if you’re gonna kick your brother’s ass, you better make sure it’s well and truly stomped.
  • Iron Man 3 – Our favorite poor little rich kid is back, this time whining about how he created his own problems by blowing off a disabled genius so that he could nail a hot genius. Tony Stark also learns the meaning of the phrase “Talk shit, get hit” when he challenges the big bad guy on national television and is thus treated to what we used to call the “Apocalypse Now” treatment.
  • Thor: The Dark World – The God of Cream Rinse reunites with his lady love after she forgets the one rule any good D&D player knows: Never put your hand in the red glowy stuff you find in a dark cavern.
  • Captain America: The Winter Soldier – Steve Rogers is becoming disillusioned with the world as he found it after unthawing, not unlike every other member of his generation who actually had to live through the flower children, disco, Jimmy Carter, M.C. Hammer, and the Clinton years. An old army buddy resurfaces for a heart-warming reunion, which is marred when everybody wants to murder said buddy, and he’s happy to reciprocate.
  • Guardians of the Galaxy – The most relatable gang of A-holes ever comes together for a really fun heist movie. Between old pop culture references, pretty good music, and sexual innuendo, our heroes find time to save the universe from a threat almost nobody in the universe noticed.
  • Avengers: Age of Ultron – Tony Stark and Bruce Banner unleash a menace upon the earth, mainly because they were bored and needed something to do. In order to destroy said menace, they repeat their experiment and create a new MCU character out of his personal version of SIRI. In between all this, they lay waste to cities on several continents, just going to show what a bunch of Americans can do if they put their minds to it.
  • Captain America: Civil War – Tony Stark is appalled by the amount of destruction his little group can unleash on a long weekend, so quislings his way out of it by getting the UN to step in and put a leash on Captain America. Said Super Soldier goes rogue to save his old Army buddy, leading to one of the most stupendous beat downs I’ve seen in any movie. We are introduced to the new Spiderman and the little nation of Wakanda, a small place which I’m sure will have no important role to play in the rest of the series.
  • Doctor Strange – An arrogant neurosurgeon puts himself through the spin-cycle once or twice, so he has to go to Tibet in order to become an arrogant mystical warrior monk. We learn that there are some things man isn’t meant to know. That is, of course, unless you happen to be an ex-neurosurgeon with a penchant for sneaking into the restricted section of the library after hours.
  • Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 – Those lovable murder hobos are back, this time in a quest to get to know Peter’s dad. We learn the truth behind the hero’s heritage, and why the man who raised him has such a cool hair cut.
  • Spiderman: Homecoming – Our friendly, neighborhood wall crawler is back, again, but at least we don’t have to endure another retelling of the legendary spider bite. This is the movie where I got in trouble for differentiating it from the older generations of Spidey movies by labeling it as “The one where Aunt May is hot”.
  • Thor: Ragnarok – Odin is dead, Thor got left out of the will, and he has to perform in the arena for the mob. Thor also learns a valuable life lesson – If you can’t have your parents’ stuff after they die, hire a guy to burn the whole darned place to the ground.
  • Black Panther – Noble Africans fight less-noble African Americans. Apparently all that technological advancement the Wakandans have never extended to ranged weapons.
  • Avengers: Infinity War – You know, except for that whole universal genocide thing, Thanos is a really reasonable guy. Seriously, I wouldn’t mind having him as a neighbor. Marvel did a really good job of cleaning out the stable so that they can introduce fresh, new characters to make more movies and sell more lunchboxes.
  • Captain Marvel – One of the best two hour recruiting ads I’ve ever seen. This movie has a strong female lead, a strong male lead, and a cat. What more can you ask for? Also, it adds more evidence to my theory that the Air Force has a near-monopoly on attractive women in its ranks.

Musings

  • Phrases I have used lately:
    • How about doing it the right way? We haven’t tried that yet!
    • No, I’m not bitter. I’m ‘burn the village to the ground and piss on the ashes’ angry.
    • You apologize to that lady over there or I’m gonna follow you home and beat your daddy’s ass for not raising you right.
    • Oh, I’m sorry. Am I not doing your job fast enough?
  • Don’t ever tell me that dog’s can’t understand English. Moonshine knows that “Clean up on aisle 2!” means that his master has dropped an entire bowl of cereal on the kitchen floor.
  • Someone at work thinks I’m joking when I say “Sleep is for the weak.”

Musings

  • Boo’s skill with the bow is improving. In fact, his school team has been invited to participate in the state meet.
    • He gets this particular skill from me, of course.
    • His mother doesn’t need a bow. She kills a thought and an icy stare.
  • Irish Woman’s arguments against moving to North Dakota are becoming weaker. It was only 10 degrees cooler in my hometown than in Louisville the other day.
    • Of course, that’s before you factor in the wind, but I’m not going to mention that to her.
  • Irish Woman gives me grief for being a soft touch, but we seem to have started quite a collection of Girl Scout cookies on the kitchen counter, and I haven’t even run into my pusher yet.
  • It’s standardized testing time at Boo’s school, or as we call it, “Annual No-Homework-But-Still-Early-Bedtime Week”.
  • I got to be arm candy for Irish Woman the other night when we were invited to tour the new snow leopard exhibit at the Lousville Zoo.
    • The new exhibit is wonderful, and we got to go behind the scenes to see the snow leopards and Siberian tigers.
    • The leopards were pretty calm and just watched the tourists go by.
    • The female tiger gave us a few growls, then lay her head down and snoozed.
    • The male, tiger, on the other hand, was having none of this.
    • I thought they were playing animal sounds outside for atmosphere. Nope, it was the male tiger roaring through several yards of concrete.
    • Did you know that a 400 pound male tiger roaring and leaping at the front of his enclosure will cause your heart rate to double in less than a second?

Musings

  • Of course I caught the flu. What else was I going to do over the next few days?
  • I’ve fallen asleep watching a docudrama about the Yellowstone supervolcano and a biographical series, in Russian, of Leon Trotsky.
    • Now, those made for some really sweet fever dreams.
  • Apparently, I’m grumpy when I’m sick. Who knew?
  • When it comes to my career, I should have listened to my mother. I’d have made a great piano player in a whorehouse.
  • Irish Woman and Boo are trying to figure out how to fit Cub Scout camp, a family reunion, a Caribbean cruise, tea with the Queen, a voyage to Mars, and some downtime into one weekend in June. I’m excited to see how it turns out.
  • I listened to a radio play of Heinlein’s Requiem the other day. I kept seeing an elderly Elon Musk as the main character.
  • Boo really likes LawDog’s African Adventures, but recently he asked his mother what White Horse whisky and Playboy magazine are.
    • Yeah, I had some ‘splaining to do.
  • I recently mailed a letter on official Hogwarts stationary and put a Scooby-Doo stamp on the envelope. The funny thing is that it didn’t seem at all odd.

Musings

  • Sleepover math: If each 11-year-old boy at the sleepover is to be offered enough nutrition to not starve to death between 4 PM on a Saturday until 10 AM the following morning, how much food must you have on hand?
    • Answer – 2 large cheese pizzas, 1 large pepperoni pizza, 1 large ham and pineapple pizza, 1 order each of breadsticks and garlic knots, a case of bottled water, a pound each of mandarin oranges and strawberries, one bag of microwave popcorn, a dozen donuts, a hotel breakfast buffet, and enough coffee to keep yourself sane.
    • That, by the way, is not an exaggeration.
  • One of the boys had never seen any Star Wars before the sleepover, and the other boys threatened bodily harm to anyone who spoiled it for him after I put the DVD in the player.
  • Watching a bunch of alpha-male young men try to play Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit was quite entertaining. I’ve watched old priests dicker over details of Christian dogma with less zeal than these kids did when arguing about each other’s answers to questions about Hogwarts.
  • If you’re working the oh-my-Lord-it’s-early shift at the donut place, please partake of some of your fine coffee before answering the drive-thru.
    • “A dozen plain donuts and a dozen mixed donuts” should not confuse you.
  • I know IrishWoman was trying to help me out on my diet, but I was kind of counting on having those leftover doughnuts and pizza for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.
    • No, it’s fine. I like cold boiled eggs and cheese at 4 AM on a cold, rainy February morning.

Today’s Earworm

News Roundup

  • From the “Civics 101” Department – Indiana lawmakers are considering a new requirement for high school graduation – a citizenship test. Several other states require students to pass a test on the United States government, and I like the new requirement. We didn’t have to pass such a test when I was in high school, but we did have to pass a general civics class.
  • From the “Dumbasses” Department – The TSA recently announced that it is confiscating, on average, twelve firearms at airport security checkpoints. Overall, TSA discovered 4,239 guns in 2018. Folks, your range bag is not your airport bag. We’re better than this. Pull your gun out of your bag and your head out of your fourth point of contact before going to get on the big silver birds.
  • From the “Houdini” Department – A toddler in Alabama recently discovered a secret passage into an arcade claw machine. This, of course, proves my belief that young children are masters of both destruction and teleportation. No word yet on how many quarters emergency personnel had to expend to get him out.

Musings

  • Last weekend, I flew into the Airport That God Forgot – Newark.
  • The last time I flew through Newark, it was 1994.
    • We landed just ahead of a rather vicious storm, and were stuck in the airport for about 12 hours with a toddler.
    • I probably put in about 5 miles walking said toddler around the terminal.
    • Eventually, all of the military families used duffel bags and luggage to corral in all of our kids and let them loose so that we could all get something resembling a break.
  • Other than first thing Monday morning, traffic in New Jersey wasn’t bad.
    • I think I disconcerted some of the other drivers by doing things like letting folks merge, using my turn signal, and waving thank-you.
  • One thing I noticed was that the staff at the hotel seemed to be surprised when I was polite and friendly with them. It seems odd that they didn’t know how to handle a guest who said “Thank you” or actually talked to them.
  • Our instructor was a nice fellow who lives in Phoenix and had never seen a snow storm or temperatures at 0 degrees Fahrenheit. This week, he got a two-fer.
  • One of my work buddies is flying to Boston for more training on Superbowl Sunday. He’s a braver man than I.
  • TSA Pre-Check paid for itself on its first trip. It took longer to check my bag in Newark than it did to clear security.
  • What does it say about me that I’ve started taking an HDMI cable on business trips so that I can have a monitor when I work after hours in the hotel room?
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