• From the “Free Enterprise” Department – Experts are warning that the legalization of marijuana in states such as Colorado could drive down the price of marijuana across the country.  Apparently this is perceived to be a bad thing.  To me, it’s a meh thing.  If people want to get high, they will find a way.  Sniffing gasoline, smoking weed, snorting household cleaners mixed with cold medicine, or whatever it takes to get stoned have all been done, and will continue to be done until the sun cools.  Prohibition on the use of an easily grown plant has been less than useless, and legalization will not only lower prices, but it will also ensure that the drugs that people are using are at least as safe as the bourbon, coffee, and tobacco they use every day.  Great googly moogly, we’ve been arguing about smoking rope since 1965.  Can we please just drop the issue and move on to something new?
• From the “FREEDOM!!!” Department – A judge in Oregon has acquitted a man accused of exposing his genitalia illegally during a protest against the TSA.  The man in question was asked to go through “enhanced screening” and since he’d probably already had his hernia and prostate checked for the year, decided to strip to the buff instead.  We here at DaddyBear’s Den wish this man well and congratulate him on sticking it, or at least showing it, to the man.
• From the “HeadDesk” Department – George Zimmermann, the man accused of second degree murder after he shot a teenager he claims was trying to beat him to death, went on television with his lawyer today.  That sound you hear is me gnashing my teeth.  Get.Off.The.Television.You.Dolt.  Your lawyer should know that anything you say at this late date will be at best useless, and you all should be concentrating on getting on with your trial.  And to be honest, I don’t care if you pray for the guy you shot, his parents, the Queen of Zambia, or the Space Pope.  Quit making it harder for your lawyer to get you an acquittal.
• From the “AR 670-1” Department – A group of soldiers are showing off their love for a television cartoon by wearing rainbow patches on their uniform.  Before I go on a rant about grown men watching a cartoon meant for little girls, I will remind myself that I enjoy cartoons at least as much as the next guy.  And I have to admit something:  I painted a two foot picture of Homer Simpson next to my name on my track once.*  But guys, it’s a uniform, not your pajamas.  Want to wear that kind of stuff off-duty and out of uniform?  Have at it.  Want to put nifty patches on your uniform?  There are schools for that in such places as Fort Benning, Fort Bragg, and Fort Campbell.  The two should never mix.
• From the “Fighting Words” Department – Senator Charles Schumer, senator from New York and collector of artisanal coprolites, has called for curbs on the First Amendment in his arguments for passage of the Disclose Act.  Apparently forcing political donors into the limelight is the same as restricting the yelling of “FIRE!” in a crowded theater.  Personally, I hope the good senator wakes up with a horse’s head tomorrow, but let’s not speak of his wife in this space.  You know, I’m pretty sure that blatant violation of the First Amendment would be the “line in the sand” for a lot of people to get off their asses and start lighting their torches.
• From the “Cold Dead Hands” Department – Two men were arrested recently when they tried to cross the border from Canada carrying contraband.  No, it wasn’t weapons or drugs. It was chocolate eggs with a toy in the middle.  Apparently Mama Gubmint has decided that we might choke on the small pieces or something and has made them verboten.  To this I say:  You may take our lands, you may take our lives, but you’ll never take our KinderEier!

*It lasted for about 72 hours before I was out there with a stencil and some spray paint putting it back the way it was before I got creative.  Who knew the Sergeant Major would look at all four sides of the vehicles during an inspection?

• From the “Obsession” Department – Two men in Indianapolis have formulated a variety of paint designed just for painting your brown grass green.  As someone who wouldn’t mind plowing his entire lawn under and planting vegetables, I look at this kind of dedication to useless fescue as a little strange.  But to each his own, I guess.  I’ll just remember to keep my distance if one of my neighbors breaks out the spray can instead of the rototiller.
• From the “Aquatic Avenger” Department – A swimmer in a lake in northern Minnesota was recently attacked by what is believed to be an otter.  She reports being bitten 25 times.  I’m not surprised that she did so well against the beast.  She has to be as hard as chicken lips.  Swimming in northern Minnesota, even in July, is enough to cause things to shrivel up.  No word yet on whether or not the Obama administration’s Interior Department will be pressing charges against the young lady for disturbing the rare Minnesota aquatic wolverine in its natural habitat.
• From the “Unintended Consequence” Department – Scientists in California are blaming rat poison used at illegal marijuana growing sites for the death of a multitude of endangered animals.  I see this as yet another thing that the “war” on drugs has caused.  I’m no fan of drug use, but if cannabis was being grown by Norwegian bachelor farmers instead of thugs in a forest glade, there would be fewer dead weasels in the woods.
• From the “Bad Ideas” Department – A man in Louisiana has invented an iPhone case that doubles as a stun gun.  Details of how it works aren’t contained in the article, but I hope there is some kind of safety on the thing, because nothing will put a bad spin on your day like giving yourself a 650,000 volt zap in the ear first thing in the morning.  The thing that comes to mind is the holster that looks like a wallet or a cell phone, which I also don’t think are very good ideas.  Let’s not give Officer Friendly an excuse to shoot someone because they had something that he thought was a weapon when it was just his overpriced phone.
• From the “End of an Era” Department – Ron Paul’s bid to get enough delegates to secure a speaking spot at the Republican convention ended the other day with the Nebraska state convention.  Dr. Paul will have to see if he is given a chance to speak by the governing committee.  For the sake of the party, I hope he gets to speak.  If Romney wants to make inroads on the libertarian wing of the party, he needs to let their candidate have a say in what the party stands for.