- I came up with a new workout regimen today:
- Warm up and stretch by searching the basement for your cordless drill. Augment this by helping your wife find the bag of PVC “T” connectors she bought last weekend. You will be assisted in this exercise by a 15 year old girl who apparently does not know what a cordless drill looks like.
- Over oxygenate by breathing deep as you cuss after finding the drill with two dead batteries.
- Work on flexibility by going to Plan B – Disassemble a stone walkway in the back yard.
- Arms and upper body workout – Using a masonry chisel, a 2 pound hammer, and a pry bar, take apart a 250 piece, 20 foot long limestone and concrete walkway. You may be assisted by a five year old boy.
- Legs and back workout – Sort the pieces of limestone from the pieces of concrete. Carry the limestone, two pieces at a time, to the other side of the back yard and stack them neatly. Pick up the pieces of concrete, two at a time, and pitch them into a garbage can. You will get no assistance in this from the five year old boy.
- Legs and back workout – Roll said garbage can, now with 200+ pounds of broken concrete in it, back to its place. The five year old boy will be of no assistance whatsoever in this exercise.
- Cardio – Do “Siamese Cat On The Loose” wind sprints. This is where a Siamese house cat gets out and tries to get himself lost. You walk to the cat, he runs from you. You run to the cat, he sprints away from you. You may be assisted in this exercise by a five year old boy carrying a plastic putter and an Irish Woman who goes behind you telling you how sorry she is for letting the cat out.
- Cool down by going to the hardware store with said five year old boy and getting the wrong PVC “T” connectors for your wife.
- Dear Hardware Store – Why do you put the 1/2 inch Schedule 40 PVC pipes next to the 1/2 inch “T” connectors that will not accept Schedule 40 PVC?
- It is never a good thing for your wife to notice an oily patch of driveway under your 2013 Ford pick-up and it’s only March 2014.
- It would appear that the culprit is the rear driver side shock. This better by covered by my warranty.
- Note to teenagers – When being driven to a sleep-over at your friend’s house, it is always a good idea to remember to take along the notecard you wrote her address on.
Thoughts on the Day
Posted by daddybear71 on March 15, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/15/thoughts-on-the-day-218/
Movie Quotes – Day 74
There’s another old saying Senator. Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining. — The Outlaw Josey Wales
The political season of madness has begun here in Kentucky. Mitch McConnell wants to crush the Tea Party, especially Matt Bevin. Matt Bevin thinks that McConnell should have quit a long time ago, and is contributing to most, if not all, of the problems the country faces. Allison Grimes is staying out of the way until they’ve finished tearing each other up, then she’s going to bring her party machine online. Both major parties are blaming the other for everything from athlete’s foot to nuclear proliferation. I think it’s time for the politicians to stop raving and start talking. It’s time for us to stop scoring cheap points and start demanding answers and concrete plans. It’s way past time we told politicians that we’re sick of their crap, and we deserve better.
Today is the Ides of March. Politicians everywhere should remember the lessons of this day.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 15, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/15/movie-quotes-day-74/
News Roundup
- From the “Dumbass” Department – A man in Louisville is back in jail after police discovered that he not only violated the terms of his home incarceration by having guns in the house, but it is also alleged that he was selling stolen guns. Reports are that Captain Success had four handguns in the home, two of which were stolen. Now, I have some reservations about the no-guns-for-life aspect of being a felon. If you’re safe enough to be out of the supervision of the government, then why aren’t you safe enough to exercise your rights. But that’s a discussion for another day. If you’re on parole, probation, or house arrest, and Mr. Judge says “No touchee the guns, son”, then stay the heck away from firearms. Plus, when the agents of the state have the legal power to come to your door unannounced and search your home, why in the heck would you have stolen property in the house, including hiding them in your infant’s bedroom?
- From the “Own It” Department – Mark Zuckerberg, billionaire and founder of FaceBook, recently called President Obama to protest the domestic surveillance programs of the National Security Agency. One of the latest revelations is that the NSA may have put up phony FaceBook sites to draw in targets and gain access to their data and communications. While I heartily agree that the NSA has no business doing things like this to American citizens, I have this to say to Mr. Zuckerberg: Tough toenails. You and your nouveau riche Silicon Valley ilk did your very best to get this drip elected, and now you want to complain? What, did you not realize that he was a machine politician? Did you not think that once he got his hands on the workings of the government that he might either lose control of it, or worse, use it to his personal advantage? Suck it up, buttercup. You paid for this ride, so enjoy it. I suggest you lay back and think of England, because January 2017 is a long way away, and your other political activities have tied up the Senate well enough that there is no hope of removing him from office. Jerk.
- From the “Expected Results” Department – A man in California recently found the outer limits of my blood pressure when he turned down help from a Fox News commentator in finding a job. Instead, he plans to stay on government assistance, purchase luxury foods such as sushi and lobster using food stamps, and practice with his band. There appears to be nothing physically wrong with him, and his statements lead me to believe that this is deliberate behavior. Now, I understand that life can punch someone in the gut and cause them to need a hand. Most times it’s temporary help that’s used until they can get back on their feet. Sometimes someone is in a situation that is permanent, such as injury or illness, and they need long-term, possibly permanent, assistance. To those people I usually hold no grudge. But asshats like this make the others look bad. He’s capable of supporting himself, but apparently doesn’t choose to. You know, every so often I think we need to bring back public shaming at the stocks, but at this point, I’m just shaking my head and hoping to keep things together long enough for my kids to reach maturity. Here’s hoping that his guitar playing hands go permanently numb after he gets a bad batch of sushi on my dime.
- From the “Bad Situation” Department – A deputy in South Carolina recently shot an elderly man when he mistook the walking stick that the man was pulling from his truck for a rifle. The deputy had pulled the man over for a moving violation, and for some reason he got out of his truck and reached for his cane. The deputy mistook the cane for a rifle, and after shouting out, shot the man in the abdomen. In the same vein, a father in Houston recently shot and killed a boy he found in his daughter’s bedroom at 2 in the morning. The daughter told her father that she did not know the boy, and the father maintains that he shot the youth when he reached for something. It is reported that the daughter later confessed to knowing the boy. There are two lessons here. First, when someone, law enforcement or not, has their gun on you, don’t go reaching for anything without talking your way through it with them. Don’t surprise someone who’s got a gun and is already excited. The second lesson is this: You can’t call that bullet back. If you’re going to use a firearm to defend yourself or your family, you better be damn sure that what you think is happening is indeed what is actually happening.
- From the “Dumbasses on Parade” Department – An 18 year old man in New Jersey is in jail after being found with 43 bags of heroin and $400 in cash on him. While in this day and age that doesn’t seem like that big a deal, the fact that he was caught while trying to enter a courthouse for an unrelated hearing puts this young man over the top in the “Dumbass of the Week” competition. I cannot imagine the level of stupidity it would take to walk into a building where you are going to be under scrutiny while carrying drugs and money. Here’s hoping he enjoys his new career as an organic space heater while in a government facility.
- From the “First Runner Up” Department – A 20 year old man in California is in hot water after posting a picture of a scoped rifle on social media and saying that he would shoot a pedestrian with it after 100 people forwarded his post. Luckily for everyone, he apparently only had an airsoft gun, and no-one was harmed. Personally, I’m hoping he is sent to clean up the old ranges at Fort Irwin with a garden trowel as his punishment. Nothing like drudgery and crappy conditions to focus a young person’s mind on whether or not they want to continue to be a jackass.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 14, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/14/news-roundup-213/
Movie Quotes – Day 73
Ladies don’t start fights, but they can finish them! — The Aristocats
I never want any of my children, boy or girl, to depend on someone else. I want them to be able to feed themselves and keep a roof over their head. I want them to have all the skills they need to be independent. I especially want my children, especially Girlie Bear, to know to fight like a cornered cat if someone threatens or hurts them. When I was growing up, very few girls were equipped to stand up to others. It was social taboo for a man to hit a woman, but it was almost as bad for the woman to fight back. My goal is that I won’t need to be the overbearing father when dates come around, because by the time that happens, the young man or woman will know that my child doesn’t need my backup to defend themselves.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 14, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/14/movie-quotes-day-73/
Sorry
I probably won’t be posting much today. This day always makes me feel a tad irrational.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 14, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/14/sorry/
Thoughts on the Day
- The day I’ve been waiting for has finally arrived.
- I saw a woman with a lower back tattoo today, and it’s faded and blurry. Soon, we shall see stories about tattoos being removed en-masse.
- Started work on a politics post this evening. Got angry and depressed. I think I’m going to have that a lot in the next few months.
- You know it’s been a long week when your wife asks “Can you just pick up pizza tonight?”
- Apparently corned beef is made from cows that are massaged daily and fed only hand-selected corn and barley. It’s the only reason I can find for the prices.
- Irish Woman asked me to tear down and move one of the back yard fences today. We may need counseling now.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 13, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/13/thoughts-on-the-day-217/
Heads Up
OldNFO has just published his first book. I was fortunate enough to read the rough draft, and that was excellent. I imagine that it was only improved with polishing. If you’re looking for something to read, I think you’ll enjoy this one. I’ve bought my copy, and I’ll do a review once I’ve read the final product.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 13, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/13/heads-up/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on March 13, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/13/todays-earworm-492/
Movie Quotes – Day 72
Toussaint: How did you know I have dry leprosy, that it isn’t contagious?
Papillon: I didn’t.— Papillon
You have to take chances in life, or you will gain nothing. Most of the time when you do something, you will have most of the information you need. But every now and then, you will be forced to make a leap of faith. You may fail if you try, but you will never succeed if you do not. I think the trick in those circumstances is to know when something is important enough to make a blind stab, to have the skills and resources to deal with the consequences, and to not be surprised when presented with an unexpected result, good or bad.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 13, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/13/movie-quotes-day-72/
Thoughts on the Day
- Ever overthink what would probably be an awesome idea so much that you decide it’s not worth the effort? Yeah, I’ve done that to myself twice tonight.
- Yesterday it was sunny and warm. Boo and I wore shorts when we went to the park.
- This morning it was cooling off and rainy. By the time I left work it was cold and snowing.
- Nothing’s better for arthritis than a 30-40 degree temperature swing in 24 hours.
- It takes a special kind of stupid to mock my limp on a day when I put very little value on human life.
Posted by daddybear71 on March 12, 2014
https://daddybearsden.com/2014/03/12/thoughts-on-the-day-216/
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 