If you are walking through the grocery store with your youngest son, and he points at a bunch of yellow and pink roses and yells “Yellow Flowers”, you can be sure that you will accumulate innumerable cool points by purchasing said roses and having your son deliver them to his mother.

I was watching the final moments of the San Fransisco – New Orleans game last night and realized I’d completely forgotten to make my picks for this weekend.  I’ll just not have those games in my results and pick it up again this week.

These are a bunch of random things that have been rumbling around in what calls itself my mind for a while, but aren’t beefy enough for their own post:

On Star Wars

• George Lucas is a testament to the American Dream.  This is the dream where a street performer takes a priceless, beautiful Picasso, shits on it in the middle of the sidewalk, then draws obscene graffiti in it.  During this entire process a crowd is applauding furiously and showering him with money because the special effects are amazing.
• No, it’s not the end all, be all of science fiction. It’s a serialized storyline compressed into six movies of varying quality.  But the three movies that came out when I was in grade school will always have a place on my shelf.  The others don’t even get mentioned to the children.
• Anakin Skywalker started out as an obnoxious, unsupervised kid.  He turned into a whiny pain in the ass teenager who should have had his ass beat by Obi-Wan for his own good.  He then turned into a spoiled fair haired golden boy who porked a Senator, killed off his own order of monks, and destroyed a democracy in the name of emo kids everywhere.  He then turned into the ur-badass, but then bitched out at the end.  Kwai-gon should have neutralized him on Tattooine as soon as he figured out that he was too dangerous to leave untrained but was too old and messed up to train properly.
• Han shot first, bitches.

On Star Trek

• Picard negotiated, Kirk impregnated.
• Geordi and Scotty were either wonderful mechanics who could fix anything in record time, or they sucked so bad as engineers that any combat or unexpected condition caused their overly fragile systems to break in an unexpected manner.  Pick one.
• Picard was an idiot for letting his senior officers sleep around within the command group.  Just saying.  And if he was going to allow shenanigans to happen, he should have been banging Dr. Crusher like a cheap gong.

Other mind droppings:

• Indiana Jones is the only fictional character that has ever had actual experience of the existance of a higher power on at least three occasions, (Old Testament Judeo/Christian Yahweh, Hindi Gods,  and Jesus Christ), and still has to go to the South American jungle looking for evidence of aliens.  Let it go guy, you’ve had enough of the mystery of the universe explained for one lifetime.
• The people who produced, wrote,  directed, and acted in the “Starship Troopers” series of movies better hope they never die, because Robert Heinlein is waiting for them in the afterlife with a suit of power armor and a vendetta.
• I saw a young lady last night in Walmart wearing acid wash jeans.  For the love of Jeebus, did I ever think those stupid things looked good?  Did my mother take the brown acid even though she didn’t make it to Woodstock?  Children, look at the fashions of the late 80’s and early 90’s and learn from our mistakes. 
• Why is it that I feel that the pinnacle of American automotive technology was the 1971 Ford pickup truck?  It might have something to do with the ability of a mechanical moron like me to maintain and fix it without having to call in the MIT CERT team.

Thanks for listening.  I needed to get those out of my head before they spurted out my ears.

Ananis Morissette, singing on the radio – “You’re my best friend, best friend with benefits!”

DaddyBear – Sweetie, are you my best friend with benefits?
Irish Woman – Well of course you are!
DaddyBear – When do we get the benefit packet for next year?  And how much is my copay?
Irish Woman – Snort!  You haven’t met your deductible for the year yet!

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s moments like that that remind me why I married her.

Irish Woman:  Some nuns were in the hospital today selling fudge as a fundraiser, so I bought a box.  Would you like a piece?

DaddyBear:  Sure.  munch munch munch.

Irish Woman:  Pretty good, huh?

DaddyBear:  Tell the sister that her fudge is good enough to make a man sin.  And you need to hide that box.

The Code of Conduct was brought into military doctrine in the 1950’s.  It is a reminder of what is expected of American servicemembers if they are captured.  I’ve used it as a reminder of how to conduct myself in the bad times.

I am an American fighting in the forces that guard my country and our way of life, I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

This is what I am, not what I do, and the lengths to which I am willing to go to fulfill my mission.  In the worst of times, this may be the only thing you’ve got to keep yourself going.

I will never surrender of my own free will.  If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.

I will never give up so long as I have the ability to continue to strive towards my goal.  If I am a leader, I will never give up on my people so long as they are still able to continue their missions.  Knowing that your leader believes in you and will stay by your side means more than just about anything else in tough times.

If I am captured I will continue to resist by all means available.  I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape.  I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, the worst happens.  Even then, never give up.  Work with your people to either make the situation better or get out of the situation altogether.  I will not make my life better at the expense of the lives of my people.  Neither will I take comforts that are not available to them.  Everyone benefits or no one benefits.

If I become prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners.  I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades.  If I am senior, I will take command.  If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.

I will stand by my people, no matter what.  I will do nothing that will hurt my organization, no matter what personal benefit I may gain.  I will not be afraid to take charge in a difficult situation, even if that exposes me to ridicule, deprivation, or worse.  If someone else takes charge, I will follow their leadership wholly.

Should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give name, rank, service number, and date of birth.  I will evade answering questions to the utmost of my ability.  I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country and its allies.

There are some things you have to do when you’re in a bad situation.  Other than that, don’t do anything to make it worse.  Don’t trade the lives of your comrades for your own personal gain.  Remember that there are some things more important than your own personal comfort or survival.

I will never forget that I am an American fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free.  I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.

Again, this is who I am, not what I do.  I will take responsibility for what I say and do, and will remember why I should do the right thing in a bad situation.  I will remember that even though I may be isolated, I am never alone.

Actually, I can’t complain.  All of my kids have loved their vegetables and fruit. 

H/T to GraphJam 

Today is the 9th anniversary of the September 11 attacks.  Others will memorialize the actions of the heroes on that day, and will do so much better than I could.

I just want to share a few quotes that remind me of what this day means to me:

Horatius

    Then out spake brave Horatius,
          The Captain of the Gate:
     “To every man upon this earth
          Death cometh soon or late.
     And how can man die better
          Than facing fearful odds,
     For the ashes of his fathers,
          And the temples of his gods,

     “And for the tender mother
          Who dandled him to rest,
     And for the wife who nurses
          His baby at her breast,
     And for the holy maidens
          Who feed the eternal flame,
     To save them from false Sextus
          That wrought the deed of shame?

     “Haul down the bridge, Sir Consul,
          With all the speed ye may;
     I, with two more to help me,
          Will hold the foe in play.
     In yon strait path a thousand
          May well be stopped by three.
     Now who will stand on either hand,
          And keep the bridge with me?”

Shakespeare’s St. Crispin Day speech, from Henry V.

    He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
    Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
    And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
    He that shall live this day, and see old age,
    Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
    And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian.’
    Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
    And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispian’s day.’
    Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
    But he’ll remember, with advantages,
    What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
    Familiar in his mouth as household words-
    Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
    Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
    Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
    This story shall the good man teach his son;
    And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
    From this day to the ending of the world,
    But we in it shall be remembered-
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

And my own thoughts –

• I will never try to understand the motivations of those who attacked us.  They are barbarians in the most classic sense of the term, and I will not give them the honor of my thoughts other than to disdain them.
• Those who died in the attacks earned our respect and reverence.  Those who try to justify their suffering deserve nothing but wrath.
• It is to us, those who watched these horrible events unfold, to keep this day to remember what happened, and to make the world a place where barbarians will never have the ability to harm us again.

One of the benefits of having a Siamese cat is that sometimes you get to stand in as prey. Usually just as you start to fall asleep.

Badass of the Week looks at home defense.