This movie was released 40 years ago this week. If you saw it in theaters, it’s time to start scheduling regular checkups with various medical professionals.

• From the “And I Don’t Care” Department – A semi truck in Virginia had a bit of a mishap recently, spilling a large quantity of corn near the roadway. Authorities are advising motorists to be wary of local wildlife, such as deer, turkey, and moonshiners, that flock to the area to take advantage of this unexpected largesse.
• From the “Clippety Clop to the Liquor Shop” Department – Police in Michigan captured a small horse that had broken loose on Saint Patrick’s Day. Locals report that the critter had been listening to The Proclaimers while drowning the shamrock, and just took its message to heart.
• From the “Home Cooking” Department – Government researchers are asserting that the chemicals released by cooking are contributing a large amount to ozone pollution in Los Angeles. Not sure what that says about the food in L.A, but this reporter questions whether the smell of sizzling steaks, grilled onions, and baking bread are really to blame for the general… issues Los Angeles is dealing with.

• From the “Tribulations” Department – Rosie O’Donnell, once a somewhat entertaining comedian, has announced that she is relocating to Ireland. Her flounce to the Emerald Isle adds yet one more burden on the Irish soul. Cromwell, the Famine, the Troubles, and now this. Haven’t our Hibernian cousins suffered enough?
• From the “Marital Bliss” Department – Michelle Obama recently chided her husband, Barack Obama (D – Jakarta), for a bad habit of not being ‘on-time’. I, for one, am shocked at this vicious, racist attack on a former president. I look forward to Mrs. Obama being cancelled and expelled from polite society over this egregious atrocity.
• From the “Modern Problems Require Modern Solutions” Department – Deep staffing cuts at the Department of Education are underway. Personnel numbers may be cut as much as fifty percent. This begs the question of where will all of these folks, who have spent their entire careers promoting the education of America’s children, go for employment. This reporter has a thought – Why not have all of these experts in education volunteer to work at inner city and rural schools? Let them be primary teachers for young students while at the same time reaping the benefits of all of their ‘help’ to our education system over the years?

Happy Mardi Gras!