What’s the difference between a Labrador Retriever and a Siamese cat?   The Lab at least looks guilty when he’s caught trying to sneak a piece of pizza.

• Going out to Fort Knox to volunteer with training after having a doctor cut on my foot this afternoon probably wasn’t the most intelligent thing I’ve ever done.
• The rain hit as I was driving out to post, and had stopped by the time I parked.  It was probably the most pleasant weather I’ve ever had for training.  I’ll take a little mud at 73 degrees than dust at 95.
• I really appreciate units that train to standard, not to time.
• I really don’t like artillery simulators.  I absolutely loathe grenade simulators.  At least the artillery simulators give you a loud whistle before they explode.
• Taking cover behind an old car and noticing wires running to it is a hint to move yourself to a new spot, quickly.
• Three or four grenade simulators thrown on the porch of a building will scare the crap out of a colony of barn swallows.
• It’s easy to be excited and have fun the first couple of times you go through a training scenario. By the fourth go-round, you have to concentrate to play your part.
• I came home to the smell of blueberry jam being made.  Irish Woman is thinking of buying a few pineapple and seeing what she can do.  I think she may have a new hobby.

After years and years of working for my daily bread, I have finally figured out my place in the universe.  I am a Napoleon’s corporal.  My entire career seems to be taking complex instruction sets and translating them into dirt simple terms.  I wish I could say I do it because I enjoy interpreting intricate directions, but to be honest I do it because when I’m tired or rushed, instructions on the level of “pick up Rock A, Place it on Stone B, repeat until the wall is tall enough” are about all I can handle.

• Got fussed at by my doctor this morning for waiting a few weeks to come in with my latest problem.  Apparently my sin was enhanced by the fact that Irish Woman has been telling me to go to the doctor for almost as long.
• Today at my new job at work, I stopped crawling.  I’m not quite walking yet, and I’m certainly not running or dancing.  But I’m definitely toddling, or at least cruising around the room.
• Coming home to a house that smelled like roast chicken and a batch of strawberry-margarita jam was very nice.
• Girlie Bear clocked her first full day of work in her entire life today.  She is volunteering at one of the summer programs at our local zoo, and works with five-year-olds.  That may be the only thing I can think of that’s better than Boo to inoculate her against the notion that having kids at an early age is a good idea.
• You know you just came out of some ugly heat when 95 degrees with relatively low humidity feels pretty good.
• As I look at my mantle, I see Boo’s arsenal: a foam saber, a Nerf revolver that needs batteries, a crossbow, a lightsaber, a pirate hat, and a box of crayons.  
  • The crayons are a weapon of last resort, but he is deadly with them.
  • Since none of them were on the mantle when I left for work this morning, I’m guessing he had quite a time in the couple of hours he’s home from school before I get home from work.
• Started re-reading The Hobbit this morning at the doctor’s office.  I forgot how much fun that story is.

• Working on Saturday isn’t bad when you consider how much we got accomplished.
• Canning tally for the weekend:
  • 5 pints of peach jam
  • 4 quarts of peach pie filling / cobbler mix
  • 4 quarts of bread and butter pickles
  • 4 quarts of dill pickles
  • 3 quarts of garlic jalapeno dill pickles
• Awaiting processing:
  • 1/3 bushel of fresh peaches, probably into pie filling
  • 1 – 2 pounds of fresh green beans
  • Cucumbers are coming in from the garden every day.  Hope the kids like pickles and salads.
  • 4 quarts of fresh frozen blueberries, probably into preserves
  • 3 quarts of fresh frozen strawberries, probably into preserves
• Peach pie filling is a lot less work than peach jam.
• We had to can the peaches as soon as they came off the tree, because they don’t keep.  Of course, the tree decided that its fruit needed to ripen on the hottest weekend in Louisville since 1936.
  • Nothing makes a hot, muggy day better than standing over a couple kettles filled with boiling water and other concoctions which require constant stirring.
• Sweet corn is starting to come in at our source.  We have to decide if we want to freeze or can.  I’m leaning toward freezing.
• I don’t take hints.  If you want/need me to do something, asking me where the tools are to do it is not going to get me to get off my butt and take care of it.
  • Amazingly enough, 20 minutes after being asked to do said task, it was done.
• I told Irish Woman about the new boomstick that will be joining the family in a month or so.  She took it pretty well.
• The temperature outside dropped about 20 degrees in an hour, but we have yet to see any rain at Casa de Oso.
• Aw crap moment of the weekend – Putting my carry gun away this evening and realizing I no longer had my spare magazine on me.
• • Found it within minutes, crammed down in the folds of my chair.
  • Pucker factor was high, but I’ll learn from it.

• The planned trip to the ice skating rink turned into a trip to the roller rink for Girlie Bear and her friend.  I’m thankful that they are now old enough I can just drop them off and come back.
• Trying to find a pair of denim shorts for my daughter that don’t make her look like a prostitute or a gangbanger was a lot more work than I thought it would be.
• Having to crawl under your car to fix a loose wire, in an asphalt parking lot, at 2 PM, on the hottest day of the year so far is a less than optimal way to spend your off time.
• To the twit in the store parking lot who parked crookedly across both her and my parking spaces, thereby shoving her front bumper into my front bumper, I hope that little SUV of yours bursts into flames in your driveway tonight.  
• My youngest son seems to be a test to see how many languages I can count to 10 in.  So far, he’s got me up to four before the red-tinged tunnel vision subsides.
• Half of the peaches that Irish Woman picked last night, along with 10 tablespoons of pectin and 12.5 cups of white sugar are now cooling in 8 jars.  
• I have been informed that I will be making another batch of pickles on Sunday.  
  • I need to pick up some fresh garlic and a couple jalapenos.
• The residual foam and syrup from making peach jam makes a darn fine topping for vanilla ice cream.
• I put a new boomstick on layaway today.  Details to follow.

• Tally for the day – four loads of laundry, three loads of dishes, three meals cooked, four rooms picked up, vacuumed, and swept.
  • It’s Miller time.
    • Actually, it’s Sam Adams time, but that’s not as catchy
• Hell hath no wrath like a mother of four who is trying to potty train twins while one of the two restrooms at the splash park is out-of-order.  
  • That poor guy from the parks department may need counseling after the butt chewing he got.
• Irish Woman picked about a bushel of peaches this evening.  I see blanching, peeling, pitting, jam making, and canning in my immediate future.
• Girlie Bear and a friend are going ice skating tomorrow.  
  • In July.  
  • In Kentucky.  
  • I don’t understand either, but it’ll get her out of the house.
• Making breakfast for dinner was a lot more work than I thought it would be.  Delicious, but definitely not quick.
  • Applewood peppered bacon may be good enough to rival my preference for sausage.
  • Left over roasted potatoes and onions fried in bacon grease may be the food of the gods.
• I made two quarts of apple pie out of the White Dog that Irish Woman got me for my birthday. We’ll see how it tastes in a few weeks.
• Asking an ex-wife for a favor is not one of the more pleasant things I’ve ever had to do.
• Goals for tomorrow – Figure out how to re-program the electronic thermostat and take a nap.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The 56 signatures on the Declaration appear in the positions indicated:

Column 1
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett
Lyman Hall
George Walton

Column 2
North Carolina:
William Hooper
Joseph Hewes
John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge
Thomas Heyward, Jr.
Thomas Lynch, Jr.
Arthur Middleton

Column 3
Massachusetts:
John Hancock
Maryland:
Samuel Chase
William Paca
Thomas Stone
Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe
Richard Henry Lee
Thomas Jefferson
Benjamin Harrison
Thomas Nelson, Jr.
Francis Lightfoot Lee
Carter Braxton

Column 4
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris
Benjamin Rush
Benjamin Franklin
John Morton
George Clymer
James Smith
George Taylor
James Wilson
George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney
George Read
Thomas McKean

Column 5
New York:
William Floyd
Philip Livingston
Francis Lewis
Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton
John Witherspoon
Francis Hopkinson
John Hart
Abraham Clark

Column 6
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett
William Whipple
Massachusetts:
Samuel Adams
John Adams
Robert Treat Paine
Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins
William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman
Samuel Huntington
William Williams
Oliver Wolcott
New Hampshire:
Matthew Thornton

Good – Having the ability to save a little money each month toward a gun-related purchase

Better – Being within one month of achieving a level of saving that will allow you to buy a new gun

Even Better – Your gun shop has the gun you want and the clerk says that no-one else has asked about it.

Good – Doing your fair share around the house

Better – Recognizing that your spouse is a little overwhelmed and trying to help out

Even Better – Scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom, gathering up the laundry from the sundry hampers, and doing several loads of laundry on a hot Sunday afternoon.

Even Better Than That – Noticing that your lovely and very hard-working spouse has not done her own laundry for quite a while, so you do a load specifically made up of her clothes, but throw in one of your work shirts and a pair of pants so you’ll have something fresh to wear on Monday.

Not So Good – Not noticing the pen in the pocket of your work shirt when you throw it in the washer.

Definitely Not Good – Not noticing the pen when you throw the load of laundry in the dryer

Bad – Your loving and very worthy spouse being the one to find that almost all of her favorite shirts, shorts, work pants, and work tops are now dotted with black permanent ink.

Worse – Your clothing in the same load doesn’t have a dot on it.

Even Worse – It’s not the first time you’ve done this.

Not Sure If It’s Good Or Bad – You fixed your leather recliner over the weekend, so you at least have somewhere to sleep.

Good – Your loving, wonderful spouse, after becoming emotional about the loss of her best clothes, both of the work and play variety, decides that she needs you alive, so you continue to breathe for another day.

Definitely Bad – Emptying your “Gun Fund” to give to your loving, worthy, irate, and hopefully forgiving spouse to replace all of the clothes you’ve ruined.

Maybe Bad – She refuses the money, for now, while she investigates how much it’s going to cost to replace said clothing.

Probably Bad – Your spouse informs you that the stores have a very limited selection of summer clothes, as they are stocking up on fall collections at the moment, so she may not be able to find replacements as inexpensively as she did with the originals.

Good – I’m still breathing.  I may be an idiot, but I’m a live idiot.

Yep, it’s been one of those days for the past 24 hours.  How have all of you been?