• From the “Sovereign Nation” Department – Canada is taking heat from the World Health Organization after Canada put severe restrictions on visas for citizens of countries impacted by the Ebola epidemic in Africa.  Apparently the WHO would prefer for Canada to follow the path our country is going down, which is to take everyone’s temperature at the border, half heartedly try to keep those we deem at risk in quarantine observation, then fold like a cheap suit when they complain about the accomodations.
• From the “Good Samaritan” Department – The city of Fort Lauderdale in Florida has passed a law making it illegal to feed the homeless in public, and has arrested at least three people for ignoring the law.  I’m as heartless as the next guy, but if someone feels the personal need to help out their fellow man, what business does the state have in stopping them?  Let the good people take care of those who cannot care for themselves, and we just might make this a better place to live.
• From the “d’Artagnon” Department – Scientists have discovered that some male hummingbirds use their long beaks to stab competitors for mating space in the throat.  The closest I’ve ever come to seeing similar behavior in humans was watching two Russian truck drivers have a knife fight over a prostitute outside of Tver.
• From the “Till Key” Department – In other animal news, a study of bats has found that some species use their voices to ‘jam’ the echolocation of other bats while hunting insects.   Just goes to show, even in nature, there are jerks.
• From the “Bwahahahaha!” Department – A man in London became a viral sensation the other day when he revved his Lamborghini so much that it set itself on fire.  He then tried to blow the fire out, and finally gave up and drove away in a flaming huff.  I hope that the gentleman is OK, and that he enjoys the new flame job on his Lambo.
• From the “Breaking and Entering” Department – A young man in Pennsylvania was arrested yesterday after he broke into a house dressed as a Teletubby.   For those of you without children, Teletubbies was a television show that induced trances in three-year-olds and seizures in 40 year olds.  Personally, I have no idea how I would react to an uninvited yellow Teletubby raiding my fridge, although “Shoot to slide lock” comes to mind.
• From the “Old School” Department – A 62-year-old warrant officer retired recently, ending the era of draftees in the Army.  The gentleman was drafted in 1972, and has been on active duty ever since.  I’d like to thank him for his over forty years of service.
• From the “Honor” Department – President Obama presented the Medal of Honor to a relative of a Union officer who gave his life during the Battle of Gettysburg.  Someone had to whisper to the President that the Civil War was when Republicans freed the ancestors of his wife and daughters from slavery.
• From the “Easy One” Department – The Department of Defense is struggling with what to do about soldiers who use marijuana in states where it has been decriminalized.  Apparently nobody checked the SOP for most units in Europe in the 1990’s.  You see, when a soldier went on leave to the Netherlands, where most drugs are legal, the first thing that the soldier was handed after reporting back to his or her unit was a urinalysis bottle.  If the detector gear burst into flame during analysis of the sample, then the soldier got to enjoy learning the intricacies of the Uniform Code of Military Justice.  There’s nothing keeping the military from telling its employees “We don’t care what’s legal off post.  You’re still not allowed to partake.”.
• From the “No Kidding” Department – In related news, scientists have discovered that regular, long-term use of marijuana has detrimental effects on the human brain.  You know, even the most ardent advocates of legalization are asserting that smoking pot is good for you, especially when it comes to teenagers.  I guess we had to have scientific confirmation, but was someone really confused as to the fact that potheads tend to not become rocket scientists?
• From the “Qel Surpris” Department – Conservative news sites are all atwitter about a recent admission by a former Obama administration official that the ACA was passed through deception and obfuscation.  Shocked, yes shocked I am to find that there is skullduggery in the halls of Congress. (Your subsidies, monsieur.)  You mean that a bill, which was written like stereo instructions, complete with annexes about specific bribes carveouts, which were exchanged for votes, taxes, which were hidden for Supreme Court justices to find later, and things that couldn’t be discovered until after the bill was passed, was designed to confuse low information voters and the low information legislators they elect?
• From the “Bluntskull” Department – A woman in Kentucky has been arrested on drug charges while wearing a tee shirt that reads “I Love Crystal Meth”.  I’d call that “probable cause” right there.  I think the drug war is a waste of time and a threat to liberty, but if you’re this stupid, a few years outside of the breeding pool might just be what you need.
• From the “Catharsis” Department – A man in Italy recently took a pick-axe to his Fiat after it failed to start.  The man apparently took over 100 whacks at the car.  As a former driver of a Fiat and owner of multiple examples of what Fiat’s sister corporation, Chrysler, calls an automobile, I sympathize with the gentleman, and wish him a quick recovery from his hospital stay for ‘rest.’
• From the “My People” Department – The president of the Acme Foundry in Minnesota couldn’t have been surprised when he returned to work one morning to find that some wag had affixed images of Wyle E. Coyote and the Roadrunner on the side of his building.  The company did not let the levity stop its pre-Christmas work of producing the best anvils in the world, though.  In addition, new lines of safes and pianos will be ready for their debut early next year.

• From the “Surprise!” Department – A study, which looked at the costs of health insurance for non-smoking people aged 23, 30, and 60 both before Obamacare was put into place and afterward, finds that costs go up as much as 78%.  Who would have known that a huge government mandate that distorts a market would cause drastic price increases?  I mean, it’s not like government subsidizing college education hasn’t helped to drive up the cost of a college education over the past few decades.  Here’s hoping that the light bringer, putts be upon him, can steer the country through the rocky shoals that he has led us to.  On the other hand, I hope this continues, because re-elections matter and the dopes who voted for him twice should suffer just like the rest of us.  If you were a high school senior or a college freshman and danced in the streets in 2008 because you voted for “Hope and Change”, then I hope you can find some spare change in your sofa cushions, because this is going to hurt.
• From the “Aw, Hell No!” Department – A leaked State Department memo indicates that the Obama administration is considering allowing international aid workers who get infected with Ebola to come to the United States for treatment.  It is projected that this will cost roughly $500 million $500,000 per patient for transportation and treatment.  So, basically, we are inviting our ‘friends’ around the globe to use us as the dumping ground for any of their medical workers who get the West African cooties.  Foggy Bottom is denying that any such protocol exists, and that no such discussions are underway.
• From the “Insults” Department – The Obama administration is in full diplomatic damage control mode after a White House official was quoted as saying that Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu is a “chickenshit”.  Mr. Netanyahu’s office has responded, and says that they are working with the Obama White House to smooth over any issues.  An anonymous source told this reporter that Israeli officials have taken to calling President Obama “gefilte fish”, in that he is soft, kind of slimy, and tasteless.
• From the “Classy Dude” Department – Papa John’s Pizza founder and CEO, John Schnatter, surprised the family of a slain employee when he appeared at his funeral.  The employee died after being shot during a robbery.  Papa John’s is covering medical and funeral expenses for the employee’s family.   I’ve met Mr. Schnatter a couple of times when we have attended the same event, and I’ve never met a nicer gentleman.  He and his family support many charities around Louisville, including some that have benefited our family.  No jokes here. I just wanted to point out someone doing a good deed.

Note – Corrected “million” to “thousand” in the above paragraph about international aid workers coming to the United States to be treated for Ebola.  I was thinking “Half a million” and trying to write “$500,000).

• From the “Technology” Department – The passenger plane of the future is quite likely to not have windows.  In order to save weight, and therefore money, they will have thin displays on the wall, which will allow passengers to watch video, surf the Internet, or even make the side of the plane seem transparent.  Yeah, I can’t wait for the first time I wake up after being crammed into the window seat, with my head and upper torso scrunched against the wall, and see nothing but sky in front of me.  Now, that will make for some good blog fodder.
• From the “Explanations” Department – South Korean intelligence agencies are reporting that they have discovered the reason why North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un disappeared for several weeks this year.  It appears that the rotund little dictator had surgery to remove a cyst in his ankle, which was probably brought about by his opulent lifestyle.  No word yet on whether efforts to remove what is left of his decency and humanity were successful.
• From the “Science” Department – The biologist who found a specimen of a rain forest spider the size of a puppy is back in the news.  It appears that he has been criticized on-line, including at least one death threat, for killing the creature and bringing it back for study.  He explains that the species is not threatened with extinction and that the spider’s remains have been a boon to the study of arachnids.  I guess it was for the best that he didn’t say “It was a bloody huge spider, and I stomped it flat!”.
• From the “Politics and Other Contagions” Department – A nurse, who recently returned from West Africa after heroically providing care to Ebola patients, has found the vocal harmonic necessary to get New Jersey Chris Christie to sit up, bark, then roll over. It would appear that being put into a tent, which is arguably a bit uncomfortable, in order to make sure that she doesn’t inadvertently infect someone with the Ebola virus was a violation of her human rights, and CNN was there to make sure that she had a mouthpiece through which to tell the world about how evil such things are.  The lady has been released to return to her home state of Maine, where it is expected that she will continue to be monitored for several weeks.  It is rumored that the CDC and other parts of the Obama administration leaned quite heavily on Governor Christie to get him to relent.  In other news, the U.S. Army is mandating a 21 day quarantine for soldiers returning from the humanitarian mission to West Africa. So, basically, if a nurse voluntarily goes to provide much-needed help during an epidemic of hemorrhagic fever, which includes direct contact with the sick people, it’s a violation of her rights to make her sit in a tent and surf the net for three weeks.  But if a private first class is ordered to go to the same region and does nothing to come into direct contact with sick people, she will spend three weeks playing spades and listening to fart jokes with the rest of her unit.  Can’t argue with that logic, now can I?
• From the “Thief in the Night” Department – A Florida man recently shot a black bear in his pajamas.  How the bear got into his pajamas has not been reported.

• From the “Kill It With Fire” Department – A scientist in Guyana recently encountered a rare “Goliath Birdeater” spider.  Apparently when the Lord created South America, he threw in spiders that are a foot in diameter, have bodies the size of a fist, two-inch fangs, and legs that click as they walk.  And people wonder why I prefer tundra to jungle.  I’m not freaked out by creepy crawlies, but when the bite of a spider is described as feeling like a nail has been driven into you, it’s time to nuke the site from orbit.
• From the “Big Brass Ones” Department – A man in Fresno calmly walked into a burning home and saved one of its occupants the other day.  His name is not in the papers, but I just wanted to join the chorus of voices that sing his praise.  I hope that, if given the same circumstances, I would do the same.
• From the “Go Figure” Department – A man, who authorities describe as a convicted sex offender, is being called a serial killer after the bodies of seven women have been found and are believed to be his victims.  Details are still coming out, but authorities report that the man admitted to at least three of the killings.  Huh, who would have thunk that a convicted sex offender would go on to do bad things?  If only those who commit despicable things to others could be kept off our streets, permanently.
• From the “Getting Off Light” Department – A man in Tennessee is being paroled after serving 40 years of a 198 year sentence for a double murder.  It appears that he shot an entertainer when the victim came home and interrupted a burglary, then the murderer chased down and executed the entertainer’s wife in her own front yard.  But, as evidenced by testimony in his latest parole hearing, he feels sorry for what he’s done and the parole board believes that he is no longer a threat to society.  Basically, in exchange for some tools and a couple of guns, this guy killed two good people, at least one of them in cold blood, and he gets to breathe free air again because he says he’s sorry and won’t do it again.  As if I didn’t need another excuse to support the recreation of the American hemp industry.  This is a good case to show that a few feet of good hemp rope will solve a lot of problems.
• From the “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” Department – A pumpkin festival in New Hampshire got out of hand when a drunken mob decided to turn pumpkin rolls into automobile rolls.  Authorities are pouring over video of the incident to figure out who was involved and bring them to justice.  Sources tell me that those who are caught and convicted will be put to work cleaning up old, broken jack-o-lanterns and be fed on nothing more than pumpkin spice lattes and old marshmallow pumpkins.  In related news, a pumpkin festival in Pennsylvania climaxed when a 1,200 pound pumpkin was dropped 125 feet onto a truck, crushing it.  As someone who loves watching stuff blow up at Knob Creek, I have to say that I’m interested in the Pennsylvania festival’s take on fall festivities.
• From the “Welcome Home” Department – The X-37B, an Air Force semi-autonomous drone, has returned from a 22 month flight.  During this deployment, the drone has conducted secret missions for the Department of Defense. Now that it is back at its home base in California, it is being briefed on new regulations on tattoos and piercings, as well as expected reduction in force efforts. Such things may force the UAV to find a job in the private sector, where it hopes to work as a traffic camera for the FOX station in Peoria.  No word yet from the Veterans Administration on whether the necessary repairs to the drone will be covered as “service related.”

• From the “Stupid is as Stupid Does” Department – A person, or possibly a group of people, in California has taken to the streets dressed as clowns.  They seem to show up at odd hours and in odd places, and there are reports of some criminal activity.  Copycat ‘performance artists’ have been spotted in several areas.  Yeah, nothing bad can happen here.  You’re just dressing up like a creepy clown, prowling the streets at night, and surprising people.  I look forward to the screeches of outrage when one of these jackasses gets shot, beaten, stabbed, run over, or some combination thereof.
• From the “Blackmail” Department – North Korea has told the United States that unless programs to recover the bodies of our service members who were killed in the hermit kingdom during the Korean War, and the payments to the DPRK that go with them, are revived, those bodies will be lost as the land they lay in is developed, folded, spindled, and mutilated.  Someone ought to remind the North Koreans that if we can’t recover our fallen, then we’re perfectly happy cremating them in place, along with everything that’s near them.
• From the “Ill Wind” Department – An angler at a lake in California got a surprise when he retrieved a backpack that had been submerged in the lake before its waters receded due to drought.  Inside he found several items, including a handgun and an ATF badge.  The good citizen turned it all in to local law enforcement, who found out that the backpack had been lost during a boating incident in 1992.  Searchers are now combing the lake’s shore for the ATF’s credibility, which it seems to have lost in 1993.
• From the “Innovation” Department – A zoo in Switzerland is under fire after it revealed that the deer and boar meat on the menu at its cafe come from animals culled from the zoo’s herds.  Approximately 100 animals are born at the zoo every year, and some have to be killed when homes for the new arrivals aren’t available.  Apparently the zoo is wrong for being wise with the meat that the animals gave their lives for, as well as for breaking the myth that meat grows spontaneously on little foam trays at the butcher.  I, for one, think that the program should be expanded to allow young people to see how a humane slaughter, butchering, and preparation are done.  Might shock a few people to find out that it takes actual work to get food to change from grass and grain into backstrap and bacon.
• From the “Lost in Translation” Department – A library in New Jersey is replacing a bit of masonry when it was found that not only did the Roman numerals on its face give the wrong year, but also that the Latin phrase on the medallion was incorrect. Instead of translating into “We confirm everything twice”, it actually means “We second guess everything”.  The architect for the project has said that his firm will replace the medallion free of charge, but also expressed shock that anyone going to the library could actually read, much less in Latin.  Victor Davis Hanson issued a short “I told you so.” when asked for comment.
• From the “Springtime in Oz” Department – A suburban Australian was surprised to find two male kangaroos practicing their kick boxing in his street.  This just goes to show that in Australia, even the things that we consider cute are deadly badasses.  A representative from Fox Sports is on her way to Sidney now to assess whether a new television show can be made from situations like this.  I see it being wedged in between cage fighting and Simpsons reruns.  On a side note, someone needs to credit Loonie Tunes animators for accuracy, because I never believed that kangaroos actually balanced on their tails when kicking until now.
• From the “Tax Dollars” Department – An Air Force inspector general is looking into the sale of several multi-million dollar cargo aircraft for $32,000 when they were scrapped.  These aircraft were purchased for the Afghani Air Force, but the USAF reports that they were unable to fulfill mission requirements and had other problems. If you wanted a metaphor for our involvement in Afghanistan, this is it.  We have thrown metric tons of mone into a third-world cesspool, only to have what little there is to show for it destroyed as we leave.  It would have been better to just burn the money on the National Mall, because at least we would have gotten a little heat and light from it.

Today, Ray Etheridge was laid to rest.  I never knew this young man, but the reports from his family and friends make me wish he had been a friend to my children.  It seems that he was a light in the lives of everyone who knew him, and our world needs more young men like him.

But, sadly, our world got a little darker last week when he was found dying in a Louisville park.  He had been stabbed multiple times, and died later at the hospital.  A 21 year old…. person has been arrested and charged with his murder, and it seems that this isn’t the first time he’s been in trouble with the law.  What led to the death of this child is unknown at the moment, but I hope that justice is done and that his family is comforted.

This should happen to no-one, especially to a young man who was just beginning his journey into manhood.  The Etheridge family is homeless, so his life was probably not going to be easy.  But it is apparent to anyone who listens to his parents and his little brother that they are a close family, and he would not have grown up in the same feral way that I see many young boys do, even in the best of conditions.

The world is not evenly distributed between lions and lambs, because there are jackals mixed in with them.  In this case, a young boy was taken from his family by a jackal in human form, and I fear that there are more and more predators like this every day.  Once again, I am reminded that we have to see the world as it is, not as we wish it would be.  A twelve year old boy should be able to walk our streets and parks in safety, but that just isn’t how the world works.

Tonight, like always, I am going to check that my kids are tucked in, but I’m also going to stop and thank whoever’s listening that they are safe, and warm, and still with me.  It’s something I take for granted, but it’s really something that can be ripped away.

Pro-democracy demonstrations in Hong Kong feel eerily familiar.

I was 18 in the spring of 1989, and was just finishing up my senior year of high school.  My east Bay Area school had a pretty large population of recent Chinese immigrants or the children of Chinese immigrants, and the pro-democracy demonstrations in Beijing were the subject of almost all conversation. (Yep, give a high school student in the Bay Area something cultural or political to talk about, and they’ll chew it to bits).  Interestingly, a few of my friends were getting updates directly from China.  It seems that some of their relatives had access to fax machines that were allowed to dial out to the rest of the world, and we would hear about them as they came in.  It wasn’t unusual for us to be discussing some new occurrence hours before the news got it.

To say that the crackdown in Tiananmen Square came as a shock would be an understatement.  The story we got, day after day, was that the students were peaceful and that the police were only monitoring the situation or nibbling around the edges of the crowd.  The violent suppression of the demonstrators, followed by trials, prison, and executions, hit our rather naive belief in peaceful change right in the gut.  I’ll never forget watching some of my schoolmates quietly crying in class for days afterward.

The students in Hong Kong are following a very similar playbook to their predecessors.  Relatively orderly and peaceful demonstrations in a public place where the government cannot ignore them are coupled with press coverage.  Police attempts to break up the demonstrations with tear gas seem to have only added fuel to the fire.  Attempts to cut the demonstrators from the outside world by blocking communications channels such as Instagram or Twitter are being thwarted by a nimble, technically minded generation of demonstrators.

Right now, if I still could, I would be checking to see what military or paramilitary units are stationed in or near Hong Kong. The next few days or weeks may get complicated very quickly.  The Chinese government can either negotiate with the protesters (not gonna happen), ignore them until they give up and go away (unlikely), or it can crack down.  The next few days are going to be interesting, and I fear that they may be bloody.