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All posts in category Christmas

PSA

To all of the merry people of the earth:

I, DaddyBear, am officially Christmas’ed out.  I no longer wish to participate, at least for the rest of this month.  I will be wearing headphones until January 6 to drown out the schmaltzy Christmas songs.  I am going to keep my head down and not make eye contact with people so that I won’t have to smile absently as they wish me a Merry Christmas.

I will, however, be doing my best to make sure that I do not contaminate anyone else with my Grinchiness.  I plan on getting both what little Christmas shopping I plan on doing don as well as retrieving the Christmas arboreal zombie so that my family may dress its corpse up with tinsel and glass balls this weekend.  I will put on the ugly Christmas sweater that I wear every December 25 and do the rounds to see family.  Because I have children and do not want them to know just how much I loathe this time of year, I will put on the false smile and try to guide them away from the more psychotic side of Yuletide.

And the next yokel who tries to convince me that I should attend his/her place of worship so that I don’t make the baby Jesus cry* is going to have the sharp end of their Santa hat shoved in one ear and pulled out the other.

Hope to see all of you safe and sound on the other side of the madness.

Sincerely,

DaddyBear

*That is neither a joke nor is it hyperbole.  I have had two people tell me that the baby Jesus will cry if I do not attend church with them at Christmastime this year.  My suspicious side leads me to believe that there is a brochure or something that tells them how to get under my skin.

by daddybear71 on December 16, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas

Posted by daddybear71 on December 16, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/16/psa/

The Grinch Who Stole Kimchi

The Who’s down in Seoul-ville
Liked Christmas a lot
But the Leader up in Pyongyang
Certainly did not

He stood there in his gray suit
With his hair a foot high
He was a short, roundish thing
A really foul tempered guy

He stood there grinching, sipping his brandy
And snacking on caviar
His lackies kept handy.

“They’re hanging their lights”
He grinched in Hongul
“It makes my people think
That I’m a big fool”

“Why for decades now
I’ve put up with their crap
My dad tried to stop them
But he got a pimp slap.
I’ve torpedoed their ships
and shelled their bases.
I’d love to take those Christmasy smiles
From their faces!”

Then the Leader got an idea
An awful idea
The Leader got an evil, awful idea

“I know just what I’ll do”
Said the Leader with a smirk
“I’ll rattle my saber and act like a jerk”

So he woke up his mouthpiece,
Who was shivering with cold
And the mouthpiece got on the horn
And did as he was told.

“The running dogs of the South must stop their fun
Or we will make them stop with the barrel of a gun.
Their food, their light, their warmth, their freedom
We’ll blow that all up if they don’t cease ’em.”

His saber well rattled, his ego well stroked
The Leader was feeling really quite stoked.
So he retired to his castle, far from the Who’s.
He just settled in for his winterly snooze.

The Who’s, you ask?
What did they do?
Well, in Seoul-ville that day,
So the old people say,
They launched another video game to play.
So no-one heard the Leader grumping
And didn’t hear the empty war drum he was thumping.
So in his hermit kingdom he will continue to rot
And the Who’s will think of him not!

by daddybear71 on December 11, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas, Korea, silliness

Posted by daddybear71 on December 11, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/11/the-grinch-who-stole-kimchi/

Today’s Earworm

This man is a genius.

by daddybear71 on December 11, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas, Earworm

Posted by daddybear71 on December 11, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/11/todays-earworm-79/

Feeling Homesick

North Dakota – We’re almost Canadian!

by daddybear71 on December 8, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas

Posted by daddybear71 on December 8, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/08/feeling-homesick/

More Christmas Carols

Last year this time, I put up a few of my crooked Christmas carols.  Here are a couple more:

Not exactly a Christmas song, but fun to sing anyway. This one goes out to my Viking ancestors:

Burn the village to the ground,
Doo dah, doo dah
Spread the fire all around
All the doo dah day
Let it burn all night!
Let it burn all day!
I put my loot in the bottom of the boat,
Now let’s row out into the bay.

This one has more of a Kentucky feeling to it:

See them resting, see them rolling
Marked with distiller and date
In the barn
There’s shelves full of whiskey
Barrels sitting, whiskey aging
Giving angels their share
And in every tavern you’ll hear:
Maker’s Mark!
Maker’s Mark!
It’s bourbon time in Kentucky
Sip a nip, pour and drip
Soon it will be Bourbon Days!

And finally:

We’ll be boned for Christmas
Obama is making it so
With deficits and hissy fits
He’s ensuring our economy won’t grow! 

Christmas Eve will find him,
Plotting collapse and strife
Ye, we’ll be boned for Christmas
Paying taxes our whole life!

by daddybear71 on December 7, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas, silliness

Posted by daddybear71 on December 7, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/07/more-christmas-carols/

Christmas Geekery

For those of you who speak in geek, here are a couple Christmas time goodies for you:

The Perl Advent Calendar

The SysAd Advent Calendar

Just trying to warm the souls of the greasy mechanics of the information age.  Nothing says “Merry Christmas!” like a little perl spiced with a bit of OS tinkering.

by daddybear71 on December 6, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Christmas, geekery

Posted by daddybear71 on December 6, 2011

https://daddybearsden.com/2011/12/06/christmas-geekery/

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