• From the “Tatonka” Department – 200 bison escaped from a farm in Iowa on Sunday. Apparently they moved pretty quickly, because reports are that they spread to five counties. Most of the beasts have been accounted for, but there are still a few buffalo out roaming. If you’re in northern Iowa or southern Minnesota, you might consider slowing down a bit as you drive. Nothing will mess up a car as much as hitting an animal as big as the car itself.
• From the “Bowling Ball” Department – A woman in England gave birth to a 12 pound, 6 ounce baby girl the other day. Reports are that it was a water birth, and the news article says it was a natural birth, so she did it without pain killers. Ladies, you may uncross your legs now. The father was unable to comment, as he is currently heading south on the M2 trying to escape the wrath of his wife.
• From the “I Need To Try This” Department – Two Georgia men were recently arrested when they were found to have pipe bombs and marijuana. Rangers from the state fish and wildlife organization were tracking what they believed to be a deer poacher when they came upon evidence that the men had been setting off pipe bombs. When asked what they were doing, the men said they were using the pipe bombs to get rid of armadillos in the yard. I’ve used a similar trick to try to get moles and gophers out of our front yard using large firecrackers. It didn’t kill any gophers, but the dirt geysers out of all the holes were pretty cool. Irish Woman made me stop when she realized that a lot of the gopher tunnels were around the gas main. I never get to have any fun.
• From the “My Bad” Department – Two U.S. Navy ships had a bit of a fender bender the other day. The U.S.S. Essex, an assault ship, and the U.S.S. Yukon, a supply ship, bumped about 120 miles from California. Apparently there was a steering malfunction on the Essex, and there is some damage, but no injuries, on both ships. I wonder how much BondO it takes to smooth out dents in a helicopter assault carrier?

Test of WordPress mobile app

• From the “That’ll Teach Him!” Department – A judge in San Fransisco has released a man, who is charged with trying to sell an undercover agent a grenade launcher and then trying to rob the agent, released on $150,000 bond. The man must wear a tracking device, read for one hour a day, and spend half an hour each day writing book reports.  If he really wants to make the guy reconsider his life choices, I suggest having him read Ayn Rand and report back on what he’s learned.  He’ll get a lesson in libertarianism, and he won’t be going anywhere in the near future while he tries to get through the middle of Atlas Shrugged.

• From the “Suicide Watch” Department – A Ming vase recently sold for almost $900,000 at an auction in England.  While that’s quite a sum of money, it could have gone for $6.4 million if the owner hadn’t drilled holes in the vase so that he could make a table lamp out of it.  No report on the condition of the former owner, but I think we can assume his wife has given him the requisite amount of trouble over first getting rid of her favorite lamp and then for the amount of value the vase lost when he had to go and make a lamp out of it.

• From the “Don’t Mess With Grandma” Department – A 101 year old Swedish woman recently chased off a robber with a stick and her temper.  Those of you who have ever had their asses beaten by an angry Scandinavian woman will understand why the thief chose to just leave while he still could.

• From the “This Year For Sure” Department – A reporter for the Wall Street Journal has decided to find a creative way to cause his own death.  He apparently decided that being torn limb from limb before having his pieces tacked to the outfield wall at Wrigley Field would be just the way to go.  No response from Cubs management or fans has been noted, although WGN is playing a commercial for “Torches and Pitchforks” night for the next home game against the White Sox.