Well, the white death is descending on the middle and southern parts of the country, and for once, I don’t think the weather prognosticators are exaggerating. This one looks like Minot in December 1983 all over again. If you know, you know.

A good chunk of the country is going to, at best, be snowed in for a few days. Some of the scrying foretells a good chunk of the mid-South being encapsulated in an inch of ice for the foreseeable future. For those who haven’t been through something like that before, imagine being immediately transported back to 1913 technology wise, except you likely have neither horse or sleigh and your house is probably neither heated nor insulated in a manner that would make that comfortable.

If the worst happens and you find yourself huddled around a teaberry scented candle for light and heat, all I can suggest is a high calorie diet full of complex carbohydrates and fat, several layers of warm clothing, and extensive cuddling to keep warm.

By now, I hope everyone has their french toast fixings, toilet paper, entertainment, and adult beverages all prepared. The Kroger in our neck of the woods looked busier than the day before Thanksgiving when I drove by, but luckily I got into Walmart between hordes. I happened to get the last loaf of bread they had, and I’m proud of myself for asking the young man who was also going for it if he had kids or a wife at home before challenging him to rock-paper-scissors for the bread. Scissors beats paper, and he had to go home with a dented bag of hawaiian bread rolls.

We’ve brought the outside cat inside, stocked up on a few perishables, filled up all the vehicles, and purchased a couple DVD box sets that were on sale. We’re currently slated to be about 100 miles too far north to get ice, thank the Lord, but that “8 to 14 inches of snow” thing is causing the Kentucky born members of my family to twitch just a tad.

Irish Woman made a swing through the liquor store, and came home with a bottle of pecan liqueur, some Wild Turkey Rare Breed, and a 1.75 liter bottle of Knob Creek 9 year. Didn’t know they put whiskey into bottles almost as big as a 1987 Sun Country cooler, but apparently they do. I picked up a twelve pack of Alani, her favorite flavor of liquid awareness. That was more of a self-defense move on my part. I buy my Community Coffee by the case and always have a month or two stocked up, but she purchases those little cans on a just-in-time basis. There is no way I am getting snowed in with her while she goes through the DT’s after she can’t get a can of caffeinated coolaid for a few days.

The snow should start sometime tomorrow afternoon, and I’m falling back on the old northern way of clearing a foot of snow – shovel every couple of hours. Irish Woman bought herself a little electric broom looking thing that runs on my drill batteries, but I think old fashioned scrape-lift-toss-repeat methods will be more effective if we get the amount they’re predicting. Time will tell, but if you see me walking around next week bent over like a little old man, you’ll know I ‘won’ that argument.

The dogs have mixed feelings about the snow. Maggie, the new dog, loves snow. In December, she discovered that if she can get up to 88 miles an hour on snow, she can slide for about 20 feet. Her coat is so thick it’s been hard to convince her that it’s cold the past few days. It must be entertaining for the neighbors to see me out there in my pajamas and slippers trying to convince her to come inside when it’s 20 degrees out.

Sophie, the dachshund mix, on the other hand thinks that solid water is an abomination unto her ancestors, and frankly refuses to go out the back door if her paws don’t touch lumber. I look forward to carrying her out and finding a spot where the snow isn’t taller than she is so that she can be carried back inside while shivering.

Moonshine and Ellie seem to be neutral on the subject, but I’m pretty sure that Ellie will appreciate the contrast between the white snow and Maggie’s black fur. It’s harder to T-bone your sister at a full gallop when you can’t hide in gloom.

Little Bear, who is now officially two inches taller than me, is fretting about getting back and forth to work this weekend, but seems to be OK with Monday and possibly Tuesday being snow days.

Irish Woman and I had a courageous conversation about her making any plans to keep me busy this weekend. She was making a list of ‘activities’ that all seemed to revolve around manual labor or home improvement. Not sure what she’s going to do to keep herself occupied, but I plan on napping and reading when I’m not shoveling.

I hope everyone comes through this safely and comfortably. I only have one more piece of advice for the gentlemen out there.

Guys, I want you to go and have a glance at your significant other for a moment. Think about how pretty and happy she is at this exact moment.

I want each and every one of you to keep that image in your head over the next few days, and don’t do anything to mess that up. I mean that for the immediate future of being snowed in, and for her comfort and sanity in the summer months. Nobody wants to watch some poor woman waddle around in the July and August heat, uncomfortable and possibly homicidal because you got bored during the blizzard. Be kind and loving, but not loving, if you know what I mean.

I’ll see y’all after the rivers thaw.