Good morning, everyone! Welcome to the WBAR Morning News!

First, let’s take a quick look at today’s weather.

It’s going to be a wonderful day here in beautiful Lake Asscrack, Kentucky. We are expecting a high of 82, with an overnight low of 23. You can expect intermittent periods of sunshine between waves of showers and hurricane force winds throughout the day. Remember, there is no bad weather, just bad clothing choices.

This weather report is brought to you by our good friends down at SpurgleMints! SpurgleMints, for when sodium citrate just isnt working fast enough!

Today’s phrase that pays is ‘Mongolian Clusterf$$$’. This is an Anglo Saxon term used to describe something that has been hashed up to an extent that will require its own Wikipedia page to explain to those not blessed to be a witness. Here’s an example of its usage ‘The line up and launch for the Kentucky State High School Bass Fishing Tournament was a real Mongolian Clisterf$$$ this morning.’

In other news, a local man forgot to make sure that both his and his son’s cell phones automatically switched over to Central time zone last night. That means that the 4 AM alarm he set before going to bed last night went off at 3 AM local time. This also meant that they were precisely 1 hour and 15 minutes early for the Mongolian Clusterf$$$ this morning.

And now, we go to Sheila McNiceRack with a breathless report on the NCAA basketball tournament. Sheila is reporting live from whichever dive bar the University of Kentucky at Shepherdsville Fighting Weasels ended up at after their disappointing 28 to 65 loss to the Panama City MudBugs last night. Sheila?