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News Roundup

  • From the “Emperor’s New Clothes” Department – The insurance commissioner for the District of Columbia was fired recently after committing the cardinal sin of disagreeing with President Obama’s constitutionally ambiguous moves when it comes to the Affordable Care Act.  It would appear that the commissioner did not wait for authorization before going public with his opinions that the President not enforcing part of the law of the land would cause disruptions in the insurance industry.  How horrible that someone supposedly in his camp would criticize Barack the First.  To the stocks with the scoundrel!  Where are my rotten cabbages?
  • From the “There But For The Grace of God” Department – A man in Michigan recently purchased the house next door to his ex-wife, then erected a large statue of a human hand flipping the bird.  Coincidentally, the statue lines up perfectly with her house.  I’m not going to say that this is an adult way to deal with his relationship issues, but speaking as someone who’s been through a divorce, I applaud his creativity.
  • From the “Bad Idea” Department – Google is requesting a patent on a neck tattoo that could be used to communicate with personal devices such as a cell phone, as well as being used as a lie detector.  Which I would call neat, except that I look back at my career and consider how many types of SCSI, USB, Serial, and Parallel connections I’ve seen so far.  It’s a heck of a lot of trouble to get a tattoo removed when technology moves on in a year or two.
  • From the “Mass Hysteria” Department – Butterball, purveyors of all things that gobble, has advised the American consumer that the supply of fresh turkeys 16 pounds and over will be rather small this Thanksgiving.  As we speak, grocery stores across the nation are being worked over like Berlin in 1945.  Reports are coming in that soccer moms have formed highly motivated teams of turkey scroungers, and are pawing through meat sections looking for the rare unfrozen flightless waterfowl.  The President is expected to speak to the nation on this crisis momentarily, and sources suggest that he will be announcing a new executive order that will mandate the release of emergency government stocks of fowl from helicopters in suburbs and inner cities across the nation.  Stay tuned for live footage of these events.
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