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And now, a poem

Today is the anniversary of charge of the British light cavalry at the Battle of Balaclava on October 25, 1854.  It was taught to me as an object lesson in always making sure to understand orders and always make my orders clear.

The Charge of the Light Brigade, by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death,
Rode the six hundred.
‘Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns’ he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
Was there a man dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldiers knew
Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre-stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder’d.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

Quote of the Day

Let us hope the administration doesn’t try to implement a nationwide energy policy. I suspect they can find a way for us to lose knowledge of fire. — Michael Z. Williamson, on FaceBook

News Roundup

  • From the “Good Start” Department – The Vatican has suspended a German bishop who is notorious for his lavish spending habits.  It appears that the wayward cleric spent over $40 million refurbishing his residence, which appears to be the most egregious in a long list of fiscal abuses.  It’s good to see that the Holy See is tamping down on clergy who abuse their position to enrich themselves or make their lives more comfortable. Now if they would only come down as hard on clergy who betray their vows of chastity and the trust of their parishioners, we might see something worth praising.
  • From the “Woman Scorned” Department – Archeologists have unearthed a lead tablet containing a pretty strongly worded curse on it.  The tablet was found in the ruins of a Roman home, and is probably about 1,700 years old.  The woman who wrote it implores six separate deities to aid her in taking down a rival, asking that his ability to oppose her be taken away.  In related news, officials from the Obama administration have been reported to be purchasing sheets of lead and books on ancient gods.
  • From the “Respect His Authoritah!” Department – Senator Dick Durbin of Illinois, Democrat and founding member of the Americans For The Advancement Of The Enslavement Of Everyone Who Disagrees, has asserted that a Republican House leader made a disrespectful remark to President Obama during ‘negotiations’ during the recent government shutdown.  The White House and House leadership have both stated that the incident never happened, but Durbin is standing behind his statement.  Apparently, the good Senator has an issue with people saying disrespectful things about the Chicago messiah.  Funny, being disrespectful of the office and person of the president wasn’t such a bad thing when people named Reagan and Bush were in the Oval Office, so why is it so bad now?  So, to Senator Durbin, I say this:  “Your president is a worthless waste of protoplasm.  He has the outhouse touch, in that everything he touches turns to crap.  The body of the Communist wench who whelped him ought to be dug up and publicly chastised for what she has wrought on not only the American people, but the entire human race.  The name and image of his father, who had the poor taste to put his name on this disgrace of a son, ought to be purged from the public record and forgotten as atonement for the sin of bringing such a person into the world.  The fact that this bumbling, egotistical, half-wit refugee from a 1970’s blacksploitation movie has executive power over the machinery of a world superpower is not only frightening, but also depressing.  My wish for him, and for you Senator, is to go down in history as the worst example of American politics imaginable, and to be held up as an example of who we do not want to ever see hold public office in the republic.  I shun both of you as I would shun a rabid dog, and I hope you both live out long, lonely lives dwelling on the damage you have done.”
  • From the “Get A Rope” Department – A woman in Texas is being prosecuted after a five-year-old child under her care killed himself with her gun.  It appears that the woman was legally carrying a revolver for self-defense, but left it on a coffee table while she took a nap.  Now, because she’s either too lazy or too stupid to secure her firearm, a child is needlessly dead and the rest of us are stained with his blood.  Personally, if she’s convicted, I hope she doesn’t get the death penalty, and that the images of his autopsy photographs and baby pictures are permanently affixed to every wall in her cell.  The prosecutor is right in bringing charges, and I wholeheartedly agree with his assertion that the right to keep and bear arms comes with the responsibility to keep your firearms away from those who have no business having unsupervised access to them, especially children.
  • From the “Fashion Crime” Department – The Defense Department is apparently considering changing the Marine uniform by making all Marines wear what has, up to now, been the headgear worn by females.  It seems that it’s not fair that the Marines have the sharpest uniforms and the deepest traditions in the DoD, and we can’t have that, now can we?   Apparently the DoD needs something constructive to do with their time.  It could be worse, I guess.  The Marines could be taking the distinctive headgear of an elite unit and making that the default headgear for the entire force, because everyone deserves to feel special and walk around looking like Chef Boyardee.  I look forward to reports of bar brawls occurring after Marine infantrymen start knocking heads together when taunted about wearing a ladies cap in uniform.
  • From the “Equal Protection” Department – Senator Randus Tiberius Paulus. Republican of Kentucky and apparent Tribune of the Plebs,  has introduced an amendment to the Constitution that attempts to stop Congress from passing laws that protect members of the government from being subject to the laws of the land.  A quick layman’s reading of the text of the amendment gives me a good feeling about what it wants to do, and dread for its future.  My guess is that it will die a young and bloody death in Congress.  In the unlikely event that it passes, I foresee decades of litigation as its meaning is twisted and abused to allow whatever the sitting power in government should wish.  (Me, cynical?  Perish the thought).  I wish the good Senator luck, and advise him to watch out for members of the House and Senate who are breaking up their chairs and wielding the legs as clubs.

Thoughts on the Day

  • Someday, I hope to write fiction half as well as my friends.
  • It got cold enough that I had to scrape ice off the truck window yesterday.  Guess fall has arrived.
  • I’m not sure if we have a mouse or if the kitten has developed a taste for tubers, but we lost two small potatoes off the kitchen counter last night, and the dogs were locked out of the room.
  • My doctor decided on which of two options she wanted to prescribe for my arthritis, and has begun the fight with my insurance company to get it.
    • Many will be the adventures as I and a doctor’s office manager make phone calls, send in documentation, and wait for the final decision of Those Who Will Not Be Rushed and Prixthor, Denier of Coverage.
  • There are few sensations in the human experience as wonderful as when you remove leather footgear and your socks after wearing them for 15 hours.
  • Things you love to hear from your children #3187:  I’m going to get started on this weekend’s homework so I don’t have to rush.
  • You know the small male Siamese is making life difficult for his housemates when the large female Siamese climbs up in your lap and looks you in the eye and has a chat with you while he’s trying to chew on her tail.

Today’s Earworm

Musings

  • Read “Ender’s Game” during lunch and after dinner tonight.  Not bad.  It’s a well written book, but I’m not sure I liked it.
  • With the attack on the mall in Nairobi, Kenya, how long will it be before gecko45 and his band of commerce conquistadors gain new life as quick reaction forces for places like Mall of America?
    • I’m only half joking.
  • Today, I used the term “psychic area network” to describe the communications pathways that allow me to not only intuitively know what someone needs, but also know before they do.
  • Girlie Bear has now officially had more cell phones than I have.

Coming Soon

Here are the previews that showed this afternoon when Boo and I went to the movies.  If you’re looking for good family movies this holiday season, you might be a tad disappointed.  Looks like pretty slim pickings.

  • Ender’s Game – Boy genius saves the world and becomes a rebellious teenager when pushed around by Han Solo.   (Or was that Jack Ryan?  They look and act the same to me.)  Looks interesting.  I really ought to read this book someday.  Probably go see it if I enjoy the book.
  • Free Birds – Barnyard fowl go back in time to save their brethren from becoming feasting material for the Pilgrims.  Meh.  Looks like a real turkey.
  • The Nut Job – Animated take off of “The Italian Job” and “Oceans 11” where a squirrel recruits a group of vermin misfits to raid a nut shop.  Looks about as much fun as a root canal.
  • Frozen – This holiday season’s Disney movie.   An idyllic fairy-tale kingdom is under threat because someone shut off summer and started an ice age.  The animation is reminiscent of Tangled.   Will probably go see this one, but not dying to do so.  Cue remarks from Irish Woman about why we will never move to North Dakota.
  • The Lego Movie – Faux stop motion animation of Lego toys.  Personally, I’d rather impale my ocular sockets on sharpened bamboo.  However, Boo almost climbed over the row in front of us to get a better look, so something tells me I’ll be seeing this one.  Hopefully I’ll be able to sneak in an e-reader to pass the time.
  • Walking With Dinosaurs – A young ceratopsian dinosaur vies to find his way in the world.  Title is stolen from a pretty decent British television show; storyline appears to be stolen from Disney’s Dinosaur and Bambi.  Might be worth a rental, but not going to pay full price.  The animation looks really good, though.

Movie Review – Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2

Sony and Columbia have decided to shake the money tree again and see what falls out.  Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 is the sequel to the pretty good 2009 original, and picks up about where the first one ended.

Plot Synopsis:

Flint Lockwood and Sam Sparks have disabled the infernal food machine, and are making plans for the future when Flint’s childhood hero, Chester V, appears.  His Live Corp has been contracted by the U.N. to clean up the mess on the remote fishing island where the first movie was set, and instructs all of the inhabitants to leave for a little while.  A little while apparently turns into months and months, as Flint, Sam, and the rest of the characters are all able to find jobs and get on with life in an over-crowded city setting.  Little does Flint know that Chester V has nefarious plans for him and his invention.  Chester V sends Flint back to his home to find the food machine, and Flint brings along the principle characters from the original movie.  Chester V and some of his minions follow, and they all see wonderous food-animal creations that now inhabit the island.  Flint eventually figures out that Chester V has been using him, and we all learn a deep lesson about family and trust.

Cloudy 2 reunites most of the cast from the original movie and adds a few new characters.  Voicing is done extremely well for all of them, including Bill Hader (Flint Lockwood), Anna Faris (Sam Sparks), Will Forte (Chester V), and Neil Patrick Harris, who turns in an Oscar worthy performance as Steve, the monkey with the brain scanning headband.  All of the characters were about as dimensional as the animation, but it’s a movie for children, so we’re not looking for Brando-esque acting.  The great thing about the characters and actors was that not a single one of the voices isn’t perfect for the character, which is something I can rarely say.

The story arc is pretty much like a Jurassic Park sequel formatted for kindergarteners.  There is a lot of physical humor and plays on words.  The most blatant of these are the names given to the food-animal hybrids (Watermelephants, shrimpanzees), and while the first few of these were humorous, after five or six, they got tedious to me.  Boo, on the other hand, was rolling in the aisles over them.  Terry Crews turns in a great performance as Earl, the policeman, but a lot of his jokes are rehashed from the first movie.  One interesting scene is where Earl is using his fingers to make a pistol as he “clears” an area, which surprised me.  I’d have thought that the studio would have removes such a blatant example of violent, anti-social behavior from a children’s movie.  \<\/sarcasm\>

The animation was pretty good.  I’ve seen the original a few times, and the characters that appear in both movies don’t seem to have changed much at all.  All of them and the new characters and animals all blend very well into the food jungle on the island.

Cloudy 2 clocks in at 95 minutes, and the pacing was, to me, a bit slow at times.  However, my 5-year-old, after consuming fruit chewies and a small popcorn, sat quietly through the whole thing.  Again, it’s a movie designed for young children, and while there are jokes and plot elements for adults, don’t go expecting that the 40-year-old will enjoy it as much as the five-year-old.

One theme that was put through it was mistrust of large businesses.  Tim, Flint’s father, is a small business owner who is one of the heroes of the movie.  Chester V, who appears to be modeled on Steve Jobs, is the oily, new-age hipster head of a mega-corporation.  There’s even a sideways swipe at the U.N. at the beginning, in that they’ve contracted with LiveCorp to clean up the mess from the first movie, and by that authority all of the residents have to get off the island and into the urban refugee camp of SanFranJose.

Overall, I’d give this one a B or B-.   It was enjoyable, but a lot of the plot elements and humor is rehashed from the first movie, and what is new is pretty heavy-handed and gets repeated a lot.  Again, it’s a kids movie, so take that into account when going to see it.  It’s definitely worth a rental fee, and if your kids liked the original, then might be worth a matinée.  God willing, we’ll all be back here in four years to talk about the completion of the trilogy, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3:  The Search For More Money.

Thoughts on the Day

  • Irish Woman’s chicken and dumplings was exactly what I needed on a dreary, drippy day.
  • I’m Scandinavian enough that when it’s mid-October, and the furnace isn’t working right, I will drop everything to get that piece of survival gear working.
    • On a side note, LED Maglites are very bright, and will make it impossible to work in a dimly lit basement if you happen to shine one into your eyes.
  • Moonshine survived the day, but he’s been giving me guilty looks all afternoon.
  • The dog ate my banana bread, my coffee was cold, it rained all day, and I had to drive to my ex-wife’s house in a pickup truck.  My life turned into a country-western song today.
  • Once the rain stopped this afternoon, Irish Woman started putting up more Halloween decorations.  Apparently Crash doesn’t know that it’s fruitless to bat at the spider and its web that are on the other side of the glass window.
    • Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?
  • Again, I think we’re doing the right things when it comes to raising the kids.  Boo walked around the house today singing “Another One Bites The Dust”.
  • There’s nothing I enjoy more than arthritis and a cold damp day.  Thank goodness for good meds, warm drinks, and a fireplace.

A Letter To My Dog

Dear Moonshine,

You’re a good dog, you really are.   You are affectionate, playful, and gentle with the kids.  You bark when people come to the house, but not when squirrels walk across the yard.  You even know how to do a few tricks and do as you’re told, most of the time.

But we have a problem.

You’re addiction to baked goods, especially those that I have prepared from scratch, is getting to me.  This morning, you ate half a 9×13 pan of banana spice bread, even though you’ve been fed and had several treats this morning.  Instead of having banana bread for several days to be used as a side, dessert, or treat, I have enough for tomorrow morning’s breakfast and maybe lunch today.

You took advantage of my soft heart in keeping you indoors today when a hard, cold rain is falling, and my need to keep the baby gate on the kitchen open so that I could go back and forth while doing my weekend housework, to filch over a pound of homemade banana bread, and this isn’t the first time.

If you keep this up, you’re either going to find yourself as a permanent outside dog, regardless of weather, or you’re going to find yourself in a stew pot.  Figure something out and change yourself, or I will change you myself.

We all love you, and want you to be a welcome member of our family, but the rule is that no-one but me touches my wife, my kids, my guns, my booze, or my banana bread.   Learn to live by it.

DB