Tonight, I decided to treat the family to dinner from our favorite Chinese restaurant. Since I’m an indulgent father, when Boo asked if we could get ice cream for dessert, we stopped at the ice cream parlor before picking up dinner.  As we waited in line with our selection, the family in front of us, consisting of grandma and grandma, son/father, and two little girls, was getting ice cream cones.  The grandmother noticed Boo holding our pint of ice cream and came over to tell him how cute he was.  The lady was obviously well into her second childhood, as evidenced by the way she spoke and her slight tremor.  As she gushed over Boo, she reached out and caressed his cheek.  Boo was all smiles and politeness, so there must be a bit of his mother in him after all, but while I kept my smile and polite manner, I put my hand on Boo’s head and moved in a tad closer in case something bad happened.

But it didn’t.

The son/father of the group noticed what his mother was doing, and came over to get her.  As he led her back to their family, he mouthed “Sorry!” to me, which got a “No problem!” response from me.  She was just being a kindly old woman, and obviously either Boo reminded her of someone from her past, or she was just taken aback with my son.*

Now, could that have been much worse?  Yes.  That sweet old lady could have turned violent, or refused to get away from my son when her son tried to bring her back to her own family.  That was the reason that I put myself physically in the middle of her contact with Boo.  If she had continued to touch him or had fought her son, then I would have pulled Boo behind me and out of her reach and figured out what to do next.

Did I take a risk in the situation?  Actually, yes.  But I made a rational judgement about the nature of the risk based on how she was acting, her physical appearance, and her demeanor to decide the appropriate response.

In short, I profiled her.  We do this, or rather we should do this, in every interaction in our lives.  Mostly we do it subconsciously.  Being approached by a friend who is smiling?  No problem.  Being approached by an unknown teenager wearing a hooded sweatshirt on a dark street?  Normally, you’d become more aware of what he is doing and what else is happening around you.  The trick is to be aware of your surroundings and THINK when you’re interacting with a person you don’t know.  This is one of the places where we as individuals are superior to government agents such as police.  If a policeman is accused of “profiling”, then she’s in hot water.  If I do it, I’m being a thoughtful father.

If instead of an elderly grandmother, it had been a single male who reached out to touch my son, my response would have been much more direct.  A woman without children would also have evoked a protective response.  A woman with children would be one of those “How does this feel?” moments where I can’t predict my response, but I would have responded.

My point is that we have to be able to respond appropriately to what happens to us and the people who interact with us.  I won’t react to a friendly approach from a grandmother in the same way I would if a gangbanger walked up to my four-year-old son, I think that’s appropriate.

*I’m told men of my family have that effect on women.