- From the “Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full’ Department – Two small asteroids buzzed by the Earth recently. giving rise to a back to back marathon of death-from-the-sky movies on networks owned by Ted Turner. Scientists believe that even if these space rocks had impacted our planet, their diminuitive size would have kept them from doing much harm. Of course, when a 3 inch piece of hot rock from the heavens punches a hole in your newly-restored classic muscle car, I don’t think it’s going to matter much that it could have been a lot worse. No word yet from the White House on the administration’s reaction to the news, but I have it on good authority that Mr. Obama was disappointed that he could not use widespread destruction and loss of life to distract people away from his record as president.
- From the “Derp!” Department – The Romney campaign is wiping egg off its face after an app it released went out with “America” misspelled as “Amercia”. Not to be outdone, President Obama put out an app that misspelled “Socialism” as “Domestic Policy”.
- From the “I’d Hire Him” Department – A physics teacher in Canada has been fired after giving zero’s for uncompleted work. The school he taught at decided that zeroes were unfair, and banned them from the workbook. Instead, the little snowflakes are being graded on the work they actually motivated themselves to do. I fondly remember telling my oldest’s teachers that if he didn’t do the work, to give him the F he earned. It was fun to watch their eyes bug out at the thought of a parent who wasn’t threatening them with a lawsuit and/or bodily harm for having the temerity of treating a student in the manner he earned.
- From the “Meh” Department – As part of its reboot of its comic universe, DC Comics is re-casting the Green Lantern as an openly gay man. Anyone who cares please raise your hand
- From the “Wasn’t Me” Department – A black bear raised some blood pressure the other day when it wandered onto school grounds in California. Students at the elementary and middle school were in no danger, and the bruin wandered off before being hit with a stun gun, collected, and released back into the wild. The bear may have heard the rumor that schoolchildren are full of chocolate and wandered over to see if it is true. We all know it’s not true, because schoolchildren are full of crack. At least the ones I’ve had to interact with have acted like they are filled to the brim with the stuff.
- From the “Nothing to See Here” Department – A support group for military mothers has set off a firestorm by publishing a picture of two Air Force females breastfeeding their children in uniform. I’m not sure what the kerfluffle is all about. Women join the military. Women tend to have breasts. Women sometimes have babies. When women have babies, they have to feed the babies, and a lot of them choose to feed them straight from the tap. Women in the military wear uniforms, even after having babies and wanting to breastfeed, and the baby isn’t going to wait until you change into civilian attire. My only quibble on this was that it might have been in better taste to use a shawl or something, but that’s between the ladies in the picture and their commander. Don’t the rest of us have something better to do?
- From the “Not Helping” Department – A spokesman for a New York Congressman is probably looking for a new job and a clue after posting “Let’s hurl some acid at those female Democratic Senators” on a forum. Here’s a hint: If you’re bringing the method by which ignorant bastards in the Hindu Kush punish women who don’t cover their faces into the American political process, you need to step away and go do something else with your life that more suits your personality. Consider goat castration, mopping out the troughs in the men’s rooms at major league baseball stadiums, or possibly elephant masturbation at the zoo. On second thought, those are all honorable professions, so never mind. Just go away.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on June 1, 2012
https://daddybearsden.com/2012/06/01/news-roundup-123/
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