I have been perusing the news lately, and I need to make sure the media is aware that there are several things which care nothing about:

• Who is hooking up with whom, whether or not they want to make it permanent, and the reasons for and against, so long as they’re all consenting adults, no-one else is harmed, and they don’t make it my problem.
• Which company is trying to make a trunkful of money and how they’re doing it.
  • This includes how much someone who started out as an entrepreneur and grabbed the brass ring at just the right moment is making.
  • It also includes when some company loses the GDP of some small 3rd world country on the stock market.
  • This not-caring attitude will change as soon as my money is used to influence any of these activities.
• When someone climbs a mountain, walks across some a chasm on braided dental floss, run 26 marathons in 26 days, runs 26 marathons back to back, parachutes to the wilds of Africa from a LaGrange point, or has a litter of children because they found some quack to implant half the population of Bangor, Maine, in their womb.
• The suntan, dress, mating habits, infidelity, money, grooming, or diet of someone who has the musical talent of a canary or the acting ability of a chimp.
  • I seriously don’t care about their political beliefs or cultural opinions either.
• Political turmoil inside countries that are hostile to the interests of my country and her allies.  I especially don’t care if the people causing the turmoil aren’t going to be any friendlier to us.
• The position of any politician on anything other than the following:
  • Defense
  • Criminal Justice
  • National Defense
  • Border Security
  • Paying down the national debt
  • Cutting government spending
  • Equally protected and respected civil rights
• The latest neato plastic doodad for sticking onto your gun or your car that doesn’t do much to improve performance or safety.

This list should not be considered complete, and is subject to expansion and change at any time.  Thank you.  We now return you to your previously scheduled bad jokes and snarky comments.