M is for the multiple times I lied to the cops for you

O is for the occasional times you’d show up to parent teacher conferences

T is for the times I found you passed out on the lawn

H is for the hashish I found under the couch in ’83

E is for every time I had to pretend we were a nice, nuclear family for the pastor

R is for the record number of social workers I had in my young life

Put them all together and they spell “mommy issues”, the thing my mother gave to me!!!!!

Ladies, if you’re a good mom, you have no idea how much I respect you for it.

Don’t mind me, I’m just having my second Sunday of May flashbacks.