Tall, willowy blond cooking pork chops in TV:  Just sprinkle 1/4 tablespoon of canola oil on each chop so that the spices will adhere.

Irish Woman:  Where’s your bacon grease, sister?  What about melted butter?  Ah, hell, she’s never cooked with butter, she’s wearing velour!  She’s wearing hot pink velour to cook in, I can’t take her seriously!  And no bourbon on her pork chops.  How unsanitary!  Pork should always be served with a blessing. It’s unholy to cook pork without bourbon!

As a married man, I decided to not inquire as to the connection between cooking with animal fat and the wearing of velour. Some things men are not meant to know.  As to the bourbon, I tend to agree.