The things that come to mind while I’m having my first cup of coffee, I swear.

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Mister Caudill, what can you tell me about how this ship moves?

Sir! Midshipman Caudill reports that the USS Taylor moves through use of four Musk&Whitney BR459 HW drive engines!

Good answer, Midshipman. Mister Rico, what can you tell me about HW drive technology?

Sir! Midshipman Rico reports that HW, or Heimdall Warp, technology was discovered by Professors Bulsara and May at the Mercury Station research facility in 2046. The drives work by exploiting a new, exotic form of energy Professor Bulsara discovered while investigating what caused a slight wobble in Mercury’s orbit at unpredictable intervals!

And what is that energy called?

Sir, Midshipman Rico reports that the energy used by HW drives is called Field Boson Gate, or FBG, energy! Professor Bulsara posited that this heretofore unknown energy interaction at the sub-quantum level not only caused the planet to wobble on its access, but also was the driving force that kept it tidally locked!

Excellent, gentlemen! Perfect quotations from the textbook. Now, let’s see what all that means. Lieutenant Sirtis and Ensign Staite, can you put that into layman’s terms?

Yes, sir, no problem. The Taylor is drug through the cosmos by four of Elon’s finest Handwavium drives, which utilize some of the less unstable principles of FBG energy theory to transmute drive mass into thrust at between 65 and 85 percent efficiency.

Ensign Staite, anything to add?

Sir, only that FBG physics was discovered when two Englishmen got their vacuum still working perfectly and had a drunken argument about what made that rocky world go ‘round.

Outstanding, ladies. Gentlemen, you will report to Lieutenant Sirtis and Ensign Staite in engineering for the remainder of the week. I want you to get your hands and nice, starched shipsuits dirty. Perhaps a few days crawling around the engines will give you something more than what the academy taught you. We’ve only got six weeks before we have to deposit you back on Deacon Station, and I want you to do something practical to round out your education.

Any questions? No? Good, dismissed.