Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me. — Isiah 6:8

Some choose to forfeit safety and comfort for the sake of others, and some of those never make it home. Please take a moment to remember those who sacrifice on our behalf.

The difference between the Siamese and the black Lab is that the Lab at least looks guilty when you catch him trying to get into the bacon.  Shadow gives me the soulful eyes routine and walks away sadly.  Koshka growls at me and makes a last second kung-fu move to snag a bit of hog belly before high tailing it under the couch to glower at me and wait her next opportunity.

Here’s a hint that you’re a twit who just needs to stop:

• If you’re wearing faded tiger striped fatigues, because, and I quote here, you just can’t get out of the habit,  and you’re younger than I am.
• If your shopping cart has more beer in it than food, and you complain that there’s not enough room for the bag of diapers your wife wants to get.
• If you’re caucasian, 40-ish, and wearing a flat-brimmed University of Kentucky baseball hat turned 45 degrees off the center line of your face.
• If you are wearing see through clothing to the grocery store, whether or not you are in good shape, regardless of gender.
• If you’re being frog-marched out of Walmart in handcuffs because you got caught shoplifting candy bars again and the manager finally decided enough was enough.
• If you argue with the young man making your sandwich that you should be able to buy a 3 inch sub at half the cost of their six-inch sub.
• If your OCD is so bad that you have to touch every piece of produce in a bin.  That’s OK, I wanted to go to another store to buy tomatoes anyway.
• If you have a bikini/tattoo magazine open across the lap of your little girl in the shopping cart while you’re waiting to check out.
• If you drop your spit cup in the toy section of the department store.
• If you tell your eighth grader that you will sign a permission slip for her first tattoo as a reward for graduating into high school.

I swear I saw or heard every one of these things in a two hour stretch today.  And people wonder why I want to move somewhere where the nearest human being is 10 miles away.

• Got up early enough to wake the rooster today. Since it’s going to get quite hot this weekend, we, meaning Irish Woman, figured it would be a good idea to get all the outside work done this morning.  So today I truly did more before 9 o’clock than most people do all day.
• Girlie Bear is going to have a sleepover tonight.  I need better hearing protection
• Weed whackers are tougher than Vibram Five-Finger shoes.  Maybe I ought to wear boots when I’m doing yard work, but I hate wearing shoes in the summer and those are the closest I can get to barefoot.  And girls dig scars, anyway.
• Shadow does not care for the weed whacker.  I eventually had to put him in the house because he would scoot past me to bite the head with the spinning bits, causing several yipes as he got nailed in the nose with thick plastic line going around at about 200 rpm.
• We sold the extra 36 packages of shingles that have been sitting under the carport for months this morning. I now have a mantra running through my head:  I do not need a new gun, I do not need a new gun, I do not need a new gun…..
• Someone bring me the head of a Chrysler automotive design engineer.  In order to replace the fuel filter on either of our cars, I have to replace the entire fuel pump.

When you hear your beloved wife open the back door, say oh-oh in the direction of the kiddie pool, and you hear her saying “get out, get out” as she closes the door behind her, and all children and pets are accounted for, you really ought to go see what’s going on.  Or you could continue to sit in the comfy chair, enjoy your cold beverage, and watch a tired 4-year-old run laps.

Fatherhood means you always choose plausible deniability over actively seeking out trouble.