- From the “Eastbound and Down” Department – A family in Michigan had an adventure the other day when their minivan became enmeshed with the back of a semi truck. It took 23 minutes for deputies to find the truck and stop it, by which time the van tires were worn to the nub as it was dragged down the highway. The good news is that the van’s computer recorded excellent gas mileage during the trip, which is nice.
- From the “Truth in Advertising” – A Florida man was arrested after he was caught with a bag containing marijuana and meth at a KMart. In what can only be called “probable cause”, his tee shirt read “Who needs drugs? No, seriously, I have drugs.” Police report that the man’s wardrobe includes shirts which read “I hate cops”, and another that read “I have warrants”.
- From the “Career Development” Department – Over ten thousand people have applied for a job to test paintball markers. Unfortunately, the successful applicant will be the target, not the shooter, and will be required to have a high threshold of pain and the ability to grade bruises based on color, depth, and radius.
- From the “Pucker Factor” Department – Members of the team on the International Space Station had to evacuate the United States section of the station when mission control detected a possible ammonia leak. It is unknown whether or not this incident was related to last night’s meal of saurkraut and Texas chili. Technicians on the station are monitoring the situation and debating whether or not it would be a good idea to light a few candles.
- From the “Say Cheese” Department – Authorities near Saint Louis are crowd sourcing the work to identify those who took part in last year’s looting. They are releasing surveillance camera stills of looters in hopes that someone will recognize them and turn them in for a reward. My gut tells me that a few people will be arrested due to this effort, but even more people will be framing prints of the pictures and putting them on the wall above their new TV and athletic shoe collection.
- From the “Qel Surpris” Department – The world is realizing that when Islamic terrorists in Africa kidnap hundreds of young girls, they’re not offering them tea and crumpets. Rather, they’re selling them off as slaves, which is apparently a shock to some. In related news, European authorities are discovering that American college students travel to Munich in September to get drunk, not to admire the scenery.
- From the “Fixer Upper” Department – A castle in Great Britain is for sale for the rather reasonable price of $500,000. The castle, which was renovated in 1954, and seems to be in quite good condition. However, the listing fails to mention the homeowner’s association covenant, which requires that all moat monsters be on a leash, that the castle drawbridge only be down when going through the portal, and that all marauding bands of Vikings be out of the neighborhood by sundown.
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on January 14, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/14/news-roundup-240/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on January 13, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/13/todays-earworm-599/
Shoutouts
- To the two young ‘ladies’ who were wearing barely-there bikinis while posing provocatively in the whirlpool at the YMCA, put on some clothes and some dignity. There’s a time and a place for whatever you were trying to do, but five feet away from the children’s water park is not it.
- To the creepy guy my age who was enjoying the show in the hot tub, really? It’s bad enough you sat there with your mouth open watching the jailbait show off, but to offer to take pictures for them goes above and beyond.
- To the lifeguard who let them do it because you were dealing with a little boy having an asthma attack, there was no need to apologize. The Irish Woman and a couple of other older ladies seem to have taken care of the situation.
- To the women on the track while I was trying to get a good walk in, please remember this: If you have the breath to chat and laugh with one another, you’re not working out hard enough. Get the heck out of my way and go to the lobby and have a cup of coffee with your conversation.
- To the lady at the doctor’s office who told me my tee-shirt was offensive: Bite me. If you know what it means, then I guess you’ve been there, done that, and earned your own shirt.
- To the mole that is digging up my front yard, I am acquiring the means to turn your little bachelor pad into a toxic waste dump, and if that doesn’t work, I’m not above soaking the lawn in kerosene, having a cigar, and starting over. You have 48 hours to vacate the premises before I call down hellfire upon you.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 13, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/13/shoutouts-13/
Audiobook Review – Hannibal: One Man Against Rome
I’ll admit it, I’m a history nerd. I enjoy reading and listening to a well-done history book as much as I do reading something by David Drake or Larry Correia. When Audible had a buy one, get one free sale last month, I got a Great Courses lecture course and Hannibal: One Man Against Rome, written by Harold Lamb and narrated by Charlton Griffin. This is a narrative history piece about the life of Hannibal Barca, the great Carthaginian general of the Second Punic War.
This is not a “in such and such a year, so many soldiers marched so many kilometers to reach such and such a place.” This is a narrative history of what formed Hannibal, his campaigns against Rome in Spain, Italy, and Africa, and his decline and death. It is paced well, and Griffin’s reading is spot-on. This is not a book for historians, but it is perfect for history nerds. If you enjoyed Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History episode “Punic Nightmares”, you will probably enjoy this work.
My only quibble with this production has to do with the music and sound effects, which occur at the beginning and ending of most chapters. I can see where the producers were trying to go with it, but they added little to the book, and sometimes seemed contrived.
Griffin’s narration, like I said, was outstanding and exactly right for this book. The image I had in my mind was of an English gentleman, wearing tweed and enjoying his pipe, recounting the life of Hannibal, and it fit perfectly with the manner of Lamb’s writing.
If you’re into history, but aren’t looking for all the dates, places, and statistics to be thrown at you, you’ll enjoy this one.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 13, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/13/audiobook-review-hannibal-one-man-against-rome/
Musings
- I am not allowed to tell Boo to tell his teacher that the letter of the week is R, for Rakkasan.
- When your “80’s Alternative Rock” station plays the Curly Shuffle, it’s time to check your settings on Pandora.
- When asked “Why do you carry a gun?”, I am not allowed to answer “Because I’m tired of dragging your mother back into the surf.”
- The audiobook of Minivandians is coming along quite nicely. I’m hoping to get it out in February.
- Note to Self – If I ever get the money, the final editing step before publishing anything is to pay someone to read it to me. I’ve done a lot of cringing as I listen to the chapters.
- I’m going to rename our grocery “TBH Groceries and Dry Goods”. TBH stands for “Temporal Black Hole.” I don’t know how I spent 45 minutes getting a bunch of bananas, a pound each of butter and apples, and two dozen eggs today, but I did.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 12, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/12/musings-107/
Boosting the Signal
If you were stationed at Fort McClellan in the past half century or so, you might want to check this out.
The Environmental Protection Agency shuttered the base in 1999 and declared it a high-priority Superfund cleanup site because its operations “generated solid and liquid wastes that contaminated soil and ground water,” according to EPA documents from the time. A flyover of former base grounds also identified a hot spot where radiological materials had been buried in what became a city park.
Anniston, Alabama, which abuts the post, has also been declared a hazardous waste site. Even if you lived off post, you probably have reason to worry.
Please pass this information along to any veterans or military family members who might be impacted. It appears that the Army would rather not spend the money to get the word out, so it’s up to others to carry the load.
Posted by daddybear71 on January 12, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/12/boosting-the-signal/
Ungrateful and Shameful
To the people of France,
Like the rest of the world, I was shocked and horrified by the actions of a small group of evil barbarians, who decided that the answer to offensive speech is murder, and caused such harm in Paris last week. The pillars of freedom were attacked when the offices of Charlie Hebdo were attacked and innocent blood was spilled. We watched a Muslim police officer sacrifice his life to gain time for non-Muslims to escape, and we watched the animals who have rejected the freedoms and liberty of French life execute him.
Yesterday, another historic event occurred. Leaders of the world joined hundreds of thousands of people in the streets of Paris to show their resolve and affirm their commitment to defending and exercising freedom of speech and of thought.
But something, rather, someone, was missing.
Our president, the leader of another long-lived and freedom-loving republic, was absent. His representative, the Attorney General, was in Paris, but I have seen neither pictures of him on the streets with other leaders, nor quotes from him about the attacks and the demonstration.
In other words, where other nations reached out to our ally and friend in her time of need, those who claim to lead our nation failed to show their face to the world when France stood up to the darkness of barbarism and murder. Apparently a few remarks to the press corps in Washington was all that we could muster.
It is with great humility and shame that I beg your pardon and forgiveness for this slight. Our nations have had their differences in the past, but like a brother and sister that quarrel, an attack against either of us should cause the other to close ranks, offer comfort, and confront the aggressor. I am ashamed of my president today because he has forgotten that.
French blood has soaked into the soil of the United States, just as Americans have bled for France. Our nations, no matter our differences, are intertwined with a shared history and love of freedom. Even though our politicians have forsaken that bond, I have not.
Daddy J. Bear
Louisville, Kentucky
Posted by daddybear71 on January 12, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/12/ungrateful-and-shameful/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on January 11, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/11/todays-earworm-596/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on January 11, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/11/todays-earworm-598/
Today’s Earworm
Posted by daddybear71 on January 10, 2015
https://daddybearsden.com/2015/01/10/todays-earworm-595/
DaddyBear
DaddyBear’s Den 