Apparently, “Because I’m your husband and I said so” just isn’t going to cut it tonight.

There are fewer things in life more enjoyable than stumbling upon the recent mug shot and police report for an ex-girlfriend from years ago who treated you like something off the bottom of her shoe.

When attending a family pot-luck, in the event that your sister-in-law made the same dish as your wife, a dish you know for a fact that the SIL makes better than your wife, which do you eat?

Do you:

A) Eat them equally?
B) Eat the one your SIL brought?
C) Eat the one your wife made like the antidote was in it?

The answer of course, is C.  Ever see those films of the Soviet congresses back in the 1930’s and ’40’s where delegates would clap for half an hour so that they wouldn’t be the first to stop clapping for Stalin? Yeah, you eat like that.  Bonus points if the wife never knows you know the SIL brought a dish of any kind.

• Working a week of 10 PM to 6 AM night shifts and finishing up on Christmas Eve morning makes for a wonderful Yuletide attitude.
• Nothing says “Merry Christmas!” like having lunch with your ex-wife on Christmas Eve.  Yeah, I had lunch with my ex after 3 hours of sleep.  What could go wrong?
• We watched “A Boy Named Charlie Brown”, and all I can say is that Lucy is an insufferable wench.
• If there was anything healthy to eat in the house this weekend, it wasn’t our fault.  Lots of comfort food, baked goods, and sweets.  Healthy diet starts again on Monday.
• Gunny Claus was good to me.  He worked with Irish Woman to get me a membership to my indoor range.  Sounds like permission to go shooting more often to me!
• My daughter is officially out of children’s clothes in any way, shape, or form.  That sound you hear is me aging 20 years in one morning.
• As a stocking stuffer, Boo got a packet of soft rubber snakes and lizards.  I look forward to many fun mornings of finding them stuffed in the toes of my shoes or under my pillow.
• Remember rule # 1 – All NERF guns are always loaded.
• Labrador retrievers crave peppermint candy canes.  I did not know that.
• Husky mix puppies are indeed cuter than should be allowed by law.  No, we do not have a new puppy.  No, we are not getting a new puppy, no matter how much Boo loves puppies.
• Dinner tonight:  Spaghetti with meatballs and sausage, lasagne, and a spicy sausage/chicken pasta in a creamy cheese sauce.  All delicious and all made by Irish Woman and other friends.  Good people and good food.
• Mileage total this weekend: 302 miles.  Never left Louisville.
• Time for a long winter’s nap.

Tonight is the winter solstice, the longest night of the year.  For those of us who are solar challenged, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  No need for sunblock, big hats, or long sleeves.  The weather and light conditions match my personality, cold and gray.

For those of you who worship the sun, take hope from the knowledge that you’ll start gaining back sunlight tomorrow morning.  Just do me a favor and let me enjoy my mid-winter’s bad mood in peace, OK?

Teacher always says that whenever someone rings the 300 yard gong, an angel gets her wings!

Christmas Tree – American colloquial roughly equating to “cat emetic”

• Yes, I’m a wuss for not fixing my truck myself.  But I’m smart enough to know that “This clutch needs a bit of work” doesn’t equate to “I need to learn how to fix clutches” in December.
• When you tell me you’re going to call me back to give me an update on my truck, do it.  Next hint:  giving me attitude because I called you 8 hours after you said you’d call me about my truck is not a good way to get repeat business or recommendations for your business.
• Three minutes before you leave the house on a cold morning is not the time to discover that your loving wife put your gloves, hat, and neck gaiter somewhere neither of you know about. 
• There are fewer things more frustrating in shell scripting than figuring out that you used a “`” instead of a “‘” after three hours of troubleshooting.
• There are fewer things more cool than taking an afternoon tour of an aircraft simulator facility, being offered the co-pilots chair on a Boeing 767 simulator, then crashing it because you forgot to retract your flaps all the way after take-off.  Of course, using the simulator to turn the 767 hard enough that you’re looking straight down when you look to your left is pretty cool.
• Marketing works:  Watching a documentary about beer helped me to remember that I had a beer in the refrigerator.

There is something absolutely surreal about being in line to get a cup of coffee and listening to a Hispanic woman and a Russian woman cuss each other out in their native languages.  Apparently facial expression, arm waving, tone, and volume  are enough to get the point across, even if they can’t understand each other.

Fatherhood is the state of mind in which you can find your entire set of metric wrenches buried in the cat food bin and be neither surprised nor puzzled.