Wiley Miller over at Non Sequitur hits one out of the park with this one:

While watching Dinosaur Train with your son as the Saturday Morning Cartoon*, it is considered bad form to interject “And they taste like chicken” into the introductions between a herbivore dinosaur and a carnivore dinosaur.

“Hi, this is Valerie Velociraptor, she’s a bipedal carnivore that could run at high speeds”
“And this is Harriett Hadrosaur, she has a bill like a duck, and she tastes like chicken!”

*An American institution, like bourbon, apple pie, and the M-1 Garand

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear
DaddyBear has not much hair
DaddyBear is kinda fuzzy

This brought to you by Girlie Bear, who thinks that my new, very short all around haircut, is weird.  I sincerely hope that baldness is hereditary.

After seeing the latest set of very beautiful pictures of Girlie Bear that Irish Woman took today, I need more guns.  Big, pointy, bayoneted, big bore, black guns.  With rocket launchers.

• I need to do more housework during the week.  Either that, or I need to teach Boo how to work the vacuum cleaner.
• To the lady in the store who got pissed when I gave myself whiplash looking over at your family when your little boy screamed “Shut the hell up mommy! I’m trying to sing!”:  It wasn’t your kid I was disappointed with.
• When trying to check out at the store today, and the line was 10 deep at all four open registers, I had to try hard to resist the urge to break out the command voice and yell “Tighten that line up!”.
• To the nice lady who honked her horn at me while I was loading my groceries in the car:  There is a direct relationship between how much you annoy me and how slowly I move, as demonstrated by my performance today.
• Young child laundry math:  One 3 year old boy, wearing one set of clothing per day, plus pajamas, towels, sheets, and two extra sets of clothing for accidents at day care equals 17 loads of laundry.
• Sending out a 13 year old girl to rake leaves unsupervised is apparently less than useful.  Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

You know something’s going right in that whole parenting thing when your daughter wants to join JROTC next year so that she can be on the school air rifle team.

Lord, make me patient with those who are learning, and forgiving of those who refuse to learn.

Lord, help me to not attribute to malice that which is probably ordinary stupidity.

Lord, give me the strength to do what is necessary, not what I’d rather be doing.

And finally Lord, remind me that all of your children are worthy of respect and kindness for your sake alone, and that I should not treat them in the way that they have so fully earned.

Amen

I really don’t mind the ‘end of the world’ calls at 3 AM. Those are the ones that make the job interesting.

It’s the 3 AM ‘someone didn’t feel like doing their job so we left it for you to clean up’ calls that make me itch.

I consider myself a pretty indulgent father.  I’m doing my best to raise a good, strong, well-educated set of kids.  I especially want my daughter to break out of the molds that society and other parental influences try to shove her into.  But I draw the line at the co-ed wrestling team at her school.  Call me old fashioned, but a 13 year old girl has no business wearing a singlet and grappling with 13 year old boys.

• We took Boo to the Zoo for some Halloween fun tonight.  Now I know why scientists invented birth control.
• Ladies, you looked great in the naughty Halloween costumes.  No, really, you did.  However, this was kind of a kid’s event, and even the 9 year old boys were distracted.  Maybe you could save those outfits for the bar and dress like moms next time, OK?
• Dude, the zoo is a non-smoking place.  Flicking an ash onto the kid of a guy who easily has a foot of height and 100 pounds on you is not a good idea.  Also, doing it where the director of the zoo can see equals an early end to your evening and that of your kids.  Happy bloody Halloween to you too. Jerk.
• Lady, I know it’s kind of dark and crowded, but make sure you grab the hand of the correct child.  I’m a gentleman, but I will lay a beating down to keep a fool from walking off with my kid. 
• To the volunteers and staff who hand out candy, dress up in costumes, stand around for 4 hours, deal with thousands of people to put on the party, and do it all cheerfully, you have my utmost thanks and respect.
• I realized I was doing something right as a parent tonight when while we were riding the haunted carousel they were playing “Dead Man’s Party” and Boo knew the lyrics and could sing along.
• Contrary to popular belief, labrador retrievers will indeed eat candy corn out of a child’s hand.  I did not know that.
• Finishing the day by popping a big bowl of popcorn  and letting Boo watch “The Wizard of Oz” for the first time just feels right.