The White House opened up its gates for trick or treaters from near-by communities this weekend.  The Obamas had costumed characters and the Marine band on hand to hand out cookies, dried fruit, and custom M&M’s to the kiddies.

My thoughts:  I guess you don’t have to worry about your house getting TP’ed for giving out raisins when the guards have authorization to use deadly force.  And nothing says “Happy Halloween” like left-over souvenir candies from the White House gift shop.  Maybe President Obama dressed up as a competent leader this year.

Since I’m sort of running for office around here, I thought I’d make my political affiliation clear to y’all.

My name’s DaddyBear, and I’m a RINO.

Now, before you let loose with the rotten vegetables and paving stones, let me explain.

I was brought up in a bluest-of-the-blue, pro-union Democrat home.  My mother was what you could call a mixed-up hippie.  Due to her upbringing in a Navy home, with her father and brothers in the service, and being married to a Vietnam vet, she knew that all of the anti-military rhetoric was nothing but hot air.  But she was all about entitlement programs, environmental programs, affirmative action, and all of the other liberal things that were in vogue during her lifetime.

My father was an upper-Midwest, agricultural Democrat and for a time was the president of his union local.  I guess that pretty much explains his leanings.

As a young boy, I was taken to the local Democrat headquarters and stuffed envelopes, fetched coffee, and the like.  I was sent out to help with taking yard signs to little old ladies, and my parents thought they were doing everything they could to make a good Democrat out of me.

Imagine their surprise when I came home from school one fall day in 1980 and announced that I had voted for Ronald Reagan in a class election as part of our social studies work.  You’d have thought I came home and announced that I was really running off to join the circus.  Her mood wasn’t enhanced when I explained that Carter was an idiot, and I wasn’t going to vote for the man or anyone like him.

So I was a Republican from a pretty early age.  I volunteered for the Bush campaign in 1988, which did nothing for my social standing at my Bay Area high school.  I was in the military for the Clinton years, and saw all the damage that both he and the Republicans in Congress did while having big schwanz waving contests with each other.  It was also during those years that I learned that “Anyone But Clinton” was not a campaign strategy, which is why I refuse to accept the “Anyone But Obama” strategy the GOP is working with this time around.

But I’m not a robot, and I refuse to be programmed.

I guess I explain my political leanings by saying “I’m a Republican, but….”:

• I’m a Republican, but I don’t care who someone is sleeping with or wants to marry.
• I’m a Republican, but I think Bush made a lot of huge blunders in his presidency, most of all in his domestic security agenda and the agencies and policies that we’re dealing with because of it.
• I’m a Republican, and I think that abortion is an evil, dreadful practice, but I dislike the government telling me or anyone else what to do with their body even more.
• I’m a Republican, but I don’t support the party when it says it wants to cut spending then spends money on their own pet projects and favorite companies.
• I’m a Republican, but I will vote for a candidate from another party who I believe is the best person for the job.  Voting a straight party ticket is for sheep, not citizens.

There is more, but I think you get the picture.  If  you’ve been reading my ramblings here for a while, you can see that I’m not exactly cut from a completely Republican cloth.

I guess what I’m saying here is that while I self-identify as a Republican, I don’t always follow the party line.  If I were in Congress, the party whip and I would always be at loggerheads.  I believe what I believe, and I don’t let my party tell me what to believe, how to vote, or who to support.  I stay with the party because there’s still some hope that the libertarian wing, whatever that is, will have enough influence to swing us away from the big government, daddy-state wing.  It’s not a lot of hope, and I’ve considered just becoming an Independent, but I’m not there yet.

Anyway, I’m DaddyBear, and I am a RINO.

The following is a partial transcript of an interview given by vice-presidential candidate DaddyBear on “Talking Heads, Inc.” this weekend.  Mr. DaddyBear was interviewed by Amanda McNicerack-Hugandkiss and Conner Goodhair.

Amanda – Mr. DaddyBear, you’ve seen the video of Qaddafi being shot after being captured, and you’ve heard the protests of Secretary Clinton and other world leaders over this apparent extra-judicial execution.  What would you say to the person who is perported to have shot Mr. Qaddafi?

DaddyBear – Amanda, first, I’d tell him to unload and show clear.  Safety first, after all.  Also, if the BBC footage is to be believed, I’d have a little talk with him about the 4 rules.  That goober had his finger inside the trigger guard all the time and is was pointing that pistol at a lot of people he probably didn’t want shot.

Amanda – You mean you don’t agree with world leaders in that it would be preferable for Qaddafi to have been tried at the Hague?

DaddyBear – Honestly, it’s none of my business.  The fact that the Libyan people decided to give him the Mussolini treatment is just fine with me.  Undisciplined militias with a metric ton of donated guns and ammo aren’t known for their regard for the Miranda rights of the dictators they catch. 

Conner – Mr. DaddyBear, what did you feel watching the digitally enhanced, slow-motion graphic footage of the shooting that we’ve been playing on a loop for the past 36 hours?

DaddyBear – You mean the first time I saw it or the 157 times I caught it while trying to get the score for the Minnesota game on your ticker?

Conner – The first time.  And you have my sympathies for the Vikings.

DaddyBear – Thanks Conner.  That means a lot to me.  Anyway, about the footage.  Well, vicariously, I felt recoil.  Other than that, I started wondering which software suite y’all use to get the gray matter to show up so vividly against a coyote brown background like that.

Amanda – Let’s move to economics.  What do you think about the refusal by Congressional Republicans to pass any part of the President’s jobs agenda?

DaddyBear – I’m all for it.  The government needs to remove itself from the economy as much as possible.  The government doing nothing is better than the alternative.

Conner – Are you saying that the wonderful plan put forth by President Obama shouldn’t be passed?  How can you say that?

DaddyBear – Well, Conner, since you obviously didn’t pay attention in biology class, I’ll explain.  First, I inhale, then I constrict my diaphragm to force air out over my larynx, causing the vocal cords to vibrate, making a sound, then I use the muscles in my throat, tongue, and lips to shape that sound into words that you should be able to understand.

Conner – ummmmm

DaddyBear – If you meant why do I feel that it’s a good thing that the President’s attempt to continue meddling with the economy is being held up in Congress, well, that’s another story.

Conner – Yes, that’s what I meant. 

DaddyBear – OK, then.  Well, as I see it, most people in government are OK, when taken as individuals.  But for some reason, when they all try to do something together, they couldn’t pour whiskey out of a bottle without the instructions being printed on the bottom.  So giving them even more money and power to try to ‘fix’ the economy is, in my opinion, a bad thing.  The government’s proper role is to stay out of our way and leave us alone as much as possible.  Spending another trillion or two is not going to induce private employers to hire people.

Amanda – So you’re OK with Congress stopping the President’s glorious plan?

DaddyBear – That’s kind of their purpose Amanda.  By the way, would you mind buttoning your blouse a couple more buttons?  It’s a distraction. Thanks.  Anyway, Congress is well within its power to vote against anything the President asks for.  That’s the point of having a legislature.  If the President wants to just be a strong man with nothing to stop him from following the policy du jour, then he needs to find another country to do it in.

Conner – But you’re no fan of Congress, are you?  Last week you called Senate Majority Leader Reid and Minority Leader McConnell, and I quote here, “Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum”.  Care to comment on that?

DaddyBear – No problem.  Yep, I said it, and stand by it.  If you’ve been in the Congress for more than a couple of terms, you’re either a megalomaniacal parasite with delusions of adequacy, or you’re a Kennedy.  But I repeat myself.

Conner – …….

DaddyBear – Look, these two simps are playing chicken with the future of our nation.  Both are so wedded to making sure the other loses that they’re not at all interested in doing what’s right for the country.  My point is that we need to replace these career politicians with temporary statesmen. You know, the kind of men and women who have spent most of their life in the real world, then go to Washington for a few years, then return to the real world.  Most of the fools we have now shouldn’t be trusted to go to the restroom without an escort, much less the pursestrings of the largest economy in the world.

Conner – Mr. DaddyBear, President Obama recently announced that all American forces in Iraq will be home by the end of the year.  Any comments?

DaddyBear – Well, Conner, all I can say is that I’m glad to see our troops coming home.  And I wish the leaders of Iraq luck as they transition to a new period in their countries future.  I look forward to my first state visit with the leaders of the new country of Kurdistan, and will certainly have more to say after the rest of Iraq becomes the western-most province of Iran.

Amanda – In closing, Mr. DaddyBear, do you have any thoughts on the “Occupy Wall Street” protests?

DaddyBear – Amanda, the right to peacefully assemble and express dissatisfaction is a bedrock of our republic.  If these people want to get together, make their speeches, and try to convince their fellow citizens to change their way of thinking, I have no problem with that.  However, the part of this movement that is advocating extra-constitutional confiscation of private property, forced re-education of our citizens, and elimination of entire swaths of our people for socio-economic reasons is beyond the pale.

Amanda – So you don’t feel that the protesters should be allowed to say things that are threatening to the status quo?

DaddyBear – That’s not what I said, Amanda.  And your buttons seem to have come undone again during the commercial break.  Can you tuck that in there a bit?  Thanks.  What I said was that calling for the illegal and violent disruption of the lives of other citizens is going over a line.  No-one is saying that citizens can’t protest the way things are.  I’m not happy with the way things are. I just object to people calling for heads to roll because no-one told them that the free stuff stops once you are old enough to shave.

Conner – So we can expect that you won’t be taking part in the protests.

DaddyBear – Quite the opposite.  I’ll be across the street from Occupy Wall Street tomorrow morning, drinking a hot beverage and enjoying a fine fall morning.  All of that while pointing and laughing at the hippies in the park.  I may even take the kids.  It’s rare these days to see such a large herd of free roaming hippies, and I want them to be able to tell their grandchildren about it.

Taken from a speech given by Vice Presidential Candidate DaddyBear:

Hamid Karzai, president of Afghanistan for as long as he can count on American troops to keep him alive, has publicly stated that in the event that Pakistan and the United States get into a scrum, he would stand with Pakistan.

Hey, no problem.  He’s an adult and kind of the leader of a sovereign nation, provided that someone else’s sons and daughters do the bleeding.  If he wants to side with his neighbor in a war against us, that’s his call.  Far be it from us to force someone to be our friend and ally after we put him in power and kept his useless hide from being tacked to the city gates of Kabul for the past 10 years.

But just so he knows how much we appreciate his candor, if elected, Candidate X and I will bring home every swinging dogtag in Afghanistan the day after the inauguration.  We will make sure to destroy every building, road, fighting position, gun emplacement, and runway we constructed.  The term “no stone on top of another” would be included in the operations order.  The Air Force will get to re-live that whole “carpet bombing” thing they’ve been salivating for since the end of Vietnam so that the process won’t take too terribly long.  Just for good measure, any equipment we leave behind will be stacked up, doused in diesel fuel and have thermite grenades thrown on top to make sure that the best that Karzai and the rest of his kleptocrats can do with it is use the puddled remains for aluminum siding.

While we’re at it, any Afghani that has worked with us and been an actual help as opposed to a parasite or spy for either Karzai, the Pakistani’s, or the Taliban will be granted a green card and a one way ticket to the States.  That way, the go-getters of Afghanistan who have worked hard and risked their lives can come here and enrich our society rather than be killed or wasted in the civil war that I think will start about  9 minutes afte the last C-17 goes wheels up.

One other thing:  Once the Afghanistan withdrawal is complete, we can tell Karzai’s pals in Karachi to go piss up a rope, which Candidate X and I will do as part of the inaugural address.  That way Pakistan and Afghanistan can be buddies without us interfering.  We will, however, make both governments acutely aware that the next time we have to mess with that particularly God-forsaken part of the planet, we won’t be as gentle or restrained as we were this go-round.  Expect “Carthagio Delenda Est” to be the name of the operation for that one.

As for Karzai, we will freeze every account related to him, his family, his government, and anything to do with them.  Let him try to flee the country after the Taliban and the Pakistani’s put a price on his head without the billions of dollars that we’ve been pouring into his country for the past decade.

Ladies and gentlemen, we should be outraged by the lack of gratitude shown to us for the blood, sweat, and treasure we have poured into Third World crapholes for the past decade.  Thousands of American families have an empty chair at the table.  Thousands of American veterans have left part of their body and soul in the dust of jerkwaters with the goal of bringing freedom and a better life to the people who live there.  I won’t even talk about the trillions of dollars we have poured down these toilets for the past decade.  Now we are being told that we can’t count on those we’ve put in power to return the favor if it’s not politically or financially beneficial to them.  If you’re not mad as hell, you’re not paying attention.

Hamid, you’ve had a good run, and you’ve got some nifty cape and hat combinations to show for it.  Candidate X and I wish you luck.  Say hello to the Pakistani intelligence agents that will be in charge of your interrogation and execution for us.  Just tell them DaddyBear said hey!

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to talk to you about the promises of America.

Over the past few weeks, the attention of our country has turned to the protests of the “Occupy” movement.  We’ve seen people, young and old, from all races and creeds, from across the country, come together to say, with one voice:

Give us your stuff!  We were promised more stuff!  We want more stuff!

You see, they are mistaking the promise of America with a promise to get everything they wish for.  They believe that showing up entitles them to support from the rest of us.  They believe that an ethos that dictates hard work, dedication, and self-reliance above all else is evil.  Some of them are merely mouthing the words of their rhetoric for the cameras.  Others are actively plotting and agitating for violence aimed at what they mistakenly call ‘justice’.

Folks, we know they’re misguided.  America doesn’t promise you any outcome.  The freedom to choose your own path is also the freedom to starve.  Nowhere is it written that America will protect you from the consequences of bad choices.  No-one will stand in your way if you choose to study a subject that has a low chance of helping you find gainful employment.  But no-one should be forced to make sure you don’t end up sleeping on a sewer grate after you get your degree in navel gazing.

What America promises is an equal opportunity, not an equal outcome.  America promises that the government won’t impede you as you try to be the best you possible.  It promises that if you want to be a teacher, or an investor, or a programmer, or whatever, your government won’t try to stop you as long as you don’t hurt anyone doing it and play by the rules.

But no-one is going to catch you if you fall due to your own stupidity or just sheer bad luck.  Feel free to study whatever you want, but don’t ask for anyone else to be forced to feed you when you can’t use it to feed yourself.  Act as irresponsibly with your body as you want, but be prepared to pay for the repairs yourself.  Blow your entire life’s earnings on fun and gadgets, but don’t look to us to make sure you’re OK when you start looking old age in the face.

What America promises us is that we will be left alone to live our own lives, stand on our own two feet, and be responsible for ourselves, to ourselves.  Yes I am my brother’s keeper, but it’s because I choose to be, not because the faceless mob forces me to be.

So to you, my fellow Americans, I promise this:  When Candidate X and I take our oaths of office, we will do our best to make sure that America fulfills those promises.  We will make sure that everything we do is within the boundaries of the Constitution, and that we do nothing to impede your ability to live your life as you see fit.  We will also make sure that we will do nothing that will perpetuate the myth that America promises a free lunch to anyone.  Because, friends and neighbors, a wise man once wrote that there ain’t no such thing as  a free lunch, and we all need to remember that.

Today is the 1000th day of the Obama administration.  So far, here’s what I think he’s accomplished:

• $4 trillion in additional government debt
• 9+% unemployment, for a given definition of ‘unemployed’
• 22+% unemployment, for other definitions of ‘unemployed’
• 3.8% inflation, for a given definition of ‘inflation’
• 12+% inflation, for other definitions of ‘inflation’
• Continued involvement in two wars he promised to end
• Involvement in other wars in which we don’t have a pressing national interest
• The government has run up against spending deadlines because the President and his compatriots in the Congress can’t be bothered to come up with a budget that can pass both Houses and get signed.
• They did, however, pass a probably unconstitutional health-care ‘reform’ bill that will probably drive the health care industry into the ground.
•  He and his Attorney General probably broke the law so that they could flood northern Mexico with guns, giving the administration an excuse to get gun control back on the agenda.
• On the bright side, he’s improved his golf game through frequent, diligent practice
• Also on the bright side, he and his family have been able to see the world.  Of course, you and I paid for their trips to Hawaii for the holidays, shopping sprees in Europe, and African safaris.

Here’s hoping there isn’t another 1000 days.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that Zuccotti Park, the staging area for the New York-based Occupy Wall Street protests, will be cleaned on Friday, October 14.  Apparently three weeks of pizza, ganja, human waste, and the detritus of hippies in their natural habitat have made the park into  a health hazard.  Apparently you can indeed make something in New York so funky that even New Yorkers want it cleaned up.

Hey Mike!  I’ve got an idea! A wonderful, awful idea!

How about you hand out bars of Ivory soap, shower gel, and laundry detergent.  Tell the hippies they have 5 minutes to undress, then hit them all with fire hoses.  The lather from the shower gel and bars of soap alone would scrub the hippies down, clean the stench out of the park, get the resin out of all that hemp clothing, and make the entire area sparkle for the expected arrival of Lech Walesa.  Of course, all that funk would end up in the harbor, but this is really just a case of shifting the crud away from Manhattan. Maybe if we’re lucky, the funk cloud will wash up on Martha’s Vineyard in time for the president’s next vacation.