- From the “No Backsies!” Department – A man in prison for kidnapping has sued two people he held hostage because they broke a promise they made under duress to not call the cops and to help him escape. I don’t support this at all. If I could be held liable for breaking promises made under threat of bodily harm, I’d still be in debt to my ex-wife.
- From the “Roadside Garnishing” Department – A truck full of Marmite, a tasty condiment popular in British cuisine, crashed recently, dumping 22 tons of the stuff on the roadway. Authorities plan on making a report later this winter as to whether or not yeast extract makes a good coating for asphalt in the winter. No-one tell Og.
- From the “Deja Vu” Department – Great Britain has closed its embassy in Tehran and told Iranian diplomats to get not let the door hit them on the ass as they depart the country. This comes after a mob of ‘students’ attacked the British embassy in Tehran recently, with the Iranian government doing nothing to stop them. Personally, I hope they turn the Iranian embassy into a public toilet, but that’s just me.
- From the “Naturally Slick” Department – Petroleum pollution in Los Angeles that has been blamed on industry and other human sources has been traced back to the La Brea tar pits. Local environmental activists are being offered counseling and a hug as they try to come to terms with the fact that you can’t sue Mother Gaia into oblivion or sick the EPA on her.
All posts in category news
News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on November 30, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/30/news-roundup-60/
News Roundup
- From the “Put Up or Shut Up” Department – Gun rights advocates in Tennessee are letting it be known that if the Republican controlled state government doesn’t come across with some strong strides in gun rights after making noises about supporting the 2nd Amendment, there’ll be hell to pay in the next election. I support my brethren in the Volunteer State. Every Republican candidate, and a good chunk of the Democrats, puts a “I support the 2nd Amendment” bullet on their nice shiny fliers. It’s high time they either crapped or got off the pot. Local and state laws that impeded the peaceful, lawful exercise of civil rights, any civil rights, need to be done away with. If those who have benefited from trumpeting their support for our rights won’t do something, we need to elect someone who will.
- From the “Now He Tells Us” Department – Terry Nichols, the co-conspirator behind the Oklahoma City Bombing, told a penpal that he didn’t think that Timothy McVeigh would set off the truckbomb during the daytime or in a place that would harm anyone. Hey, dickhead, here’s a hint: If you want to do a bombing as a demonstration and make sure that no-one gets hurt, then take a lesson from the IRA and CALL SOMEONE. Let them know where the bomb is and tell them why you set it. Don’t just park it anonymously and hope there isn’t a daycare somewhere close, you dolt. Nichols also says that he grieves daily about the bloodshed and damage that he helped cause. Personally, I hope the spirits of the men, women, and children he helped murder haunt his every breath, and he lives a long time. This jerk and his ilk gave us who think the government has lost its way and needs to be reformed a bad name for decades to come.
- From the “Rule 4” Department – A woman in Sweden has been charged with manslaughter after the bullet she used to shoot an elk killed a nearby skier. Remember, you are responsible for that bullet and everything it hits. Once the gun goes bang, you can’t take it back.
- From the “Stay Classy” Department – The place kicker for the San Diego Chargers apparently had to answer a call of nature during Sunday’s game against Denver, and relieved himself next to his team’s bench. I’m not sure how often something like this happens, but something tells me he could have gone somewhere else to do it, maybe somewhere the cameras couldn’t capture the moment for posterity. Well at least he was hydrated. I do have some issues with the TV station not cutting away once they realized what he was doing. Apparently it was a great laugh for the commentators.
- From the “Play Stupid Games” Department – A Pennsylvania man is recovering after being bitten by his pet rattlesnake. The man apparently owned several poisonous snakes, along with other reptiles, including an alligator. Personally, I prefer pets in my own taxonomic class, but to each his own. If you want to cuddle with something cold and scaly with the ability, will, and desire to kill you, be my guest. I divorced my companion that fit that description in 1997.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 29, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/29/news-roundup-61/
News Roundup
- From the “Brilliant!” Department – A ballot initiative in California could cause the shuttering of two nuclear power stations. Analysts estimate that the stations provide 16% of the large states electricity, and their shutdown would probably cause rolling blackouts and higher energy costs, which would do a lot to encourage businesses to go somewhere else to employ taxpayers. The proponents of the initiative point to an existing law that requires nuclear power stations to shut down if there is no permanent centralized place to store nuclear waste, such as the now defunct Yucca Mountain project. In replying to the analysis of the impact on California consumers and the states economy, supporters of the ballot initiative stated “Nuhuh!!!” and “Lalalalalala I can’t hear you!”. As a side issue, I would like to express my thanks to those who influenced me earlier in life and kept me from returning to California. It’s very much appreciated.
- From the “Meat Popsicle” Department – A British woman has begun a solo ski trip across Antarctica because…. well, honestly, I can’t understand why. Skiing solo across the South Pole seems to be either slow suicide or a pointless attempt to create a place in history for someone. Maybe it’s both. Trips across the poles early in the last century could at least be done in the name of discovery and exploration. With the advent of reliable air transport and satellites, you don’t have to get there on foot in order to learn and explore. But I wish the intrepid lady luck and good health as she tries to accomplish something no-one has ever done. Hopefully she’s successful, or at least is still alive when she’s found.
- From the “Heavy Metal” Department – Congress is considering new rules that would allow cargo trucks to carry 97,000 pounds of freight, up from current limits of 80,000. Proponents of the new rules claim that it will mean fewer trucks on the road to carry the same amount of cargo, which will increase safety and decrease pollution and fuel use. Opponents suggest that larger loads will increase wear and tear on roads that weren’t designed for such heavy vehicles and that heavier trucks will cause more harm in accidents. I must point out that I work for a large corporation that has a huge fleet of cargo trucks, so take my opinion for what it’s worth, and my opinions in no way reflect the position of my employer. What I see happening here is that the new rules will be passed, but they won’t save that much money. Large unionized trucking companies aren’t going to see a lot of cooperation from labor in downsizing truck fleets and their attendant driver and mechanic workforces. Additionally, unless entire new fleets of semi trucks are purchased to haul the new heavier trailers, drive trains that weren’t designed to pull 90,000 pounds of cargo are going to need more fuel to do it, will require more maintenance, and will have a much shorter lifespan. Finally, with states being able to opt out of the new rules, it will be hard for network planners to find cost effective routes for these large loads if a large number of states don’t allow them to use their highways. Either way, unless most states and labor agrees to the changes that these new large trucks bring to trucking, this isn’t going to change the business much at all.
- From the “Aw Crap!” Department – Pakistan has closed supply routes to NATO forces in Afghanistan and is reportedly asking the United States to vacate a base in Pakistan that has been used for drone attacks against Taliban and other insurgent groups after a Pakistani border post was attacked by NATO aircraft. Pakistan is reporting that upwards of 23 soldiers were killed, with several wounded. Now is not a good time for the supply of fuel, ammunition, and food to take a hit. Also, giving our Pakistani ‘allies’ another excuse to up the price of their continued cooperation isn’t going to be helpful in finding a way to continue the fight without increasing costs. Hopefully an investigation into what happened will be quick, the payoff will be swift and generous to get Pakistan to re-open the supply routes, and our forces in Afghanistan won’t suffer because their supplies will be lean for a while.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 27, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/27/news-roundup-62/
News Roundup
- From the “Born to be Wild Turkey” Department – The Wild Turkey distillery, which by the way is a great place to hold a meeting,* has offered to take the turkeys President Obama pardoned recently to use as an attraction and as spokespoultry. I support this idea. Nothing tastes better than a bird that’s been fed distiller’s grain for months, then slowly smoked using the wood from old bourbon barrels.
- From the “Shocked Face” Department – The NYPD is reporting that several make-shift weapons and large knives were found in Zuccotti Park after the Occupy Wall Street people were cleared off. The kitchen knives I can understand because they were actually running a kitchen there for a while, but pipes wrapped in cardboard? I guess it all went for nothing since the crowd left after the police showed up in force, but it doesn’t take much for some bozo to turn a tense situation into a riot when he starts swinging for the fences against Officer Friendly. But of course, the peaceful protesters of OWS would have nothing to do with the injuries or property damage.
- From the “Bunnies on the Boulevard” Department – Authorities in Colorado are looking for the person who dumped between 40 and 70 rabbits on the side of the road the other night. My gut tells me that someone got few pet or meat rabbits and forgot to get two of the same sex, and they just got away from them reproduction-wise. Of course, putting hutch or home raised bunnies in the wild is only good for the coyotes, so I certainly can’t support the decision to set them free. The rabbits were gathered up and are being taken care of by an animal rescue group. The group is asking for community support in the form of donations of carrots, celery, potatoes, onions, red wine, and flour.
- From the “That Could Have Ended Badly” Department – The Swedish government is investigating an incident in which police mailed a loaded rifle to a forensics lab. Apparently someone forgot to tell the good officers that dropping the magazine and clearing the chamber before boxing a gun up is a good idea. Swedish authorities are planning on holding training to make sure that everyone knows that a loaded gun doesn’t go in the post. In related news, the Norwegian government has purchased 2000 surplus septic tanks from Russia, which they plan to use to invade Sweden as soon as they can figure out how to get the darned things started.
*I am blessed to live smack dab in the middle of bourbon country, and all of the major distilleries have meeting halls that different groups can rent out, hold a meeting, and have a ‘tasting’.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 24, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/24/news-roundup-64/
News Roundup
- From the “Play Stupid Games” Department – Fox News is reporting that three American citizens have been arrested in Egypt after being accused of throwing Molotov cocktails during recent unrest in Cairo. Here’s a pro-tip from someone who’s lived and travelled in a lot of places: When overseas, you are probably wrong in an epic manner if you start taking part in local politics, especially if those politics are expressed with the exchange of rocks and gasoline-filled bottles for tear gas grenades and 7.62x39mm rounds. These three knuckleheads should have stayed in their apartment, made sure their family knew they were OK, and kept their noses out of Egyptian politics. Now they get to learn what real police suppression and brutality is all about.
- From the “Foreign Entanglements” Department – Apparently, trying to figure out how we’re going to get our own fiscal house in order isn’t enough. The Federal Reserve has opened up lines of credit for European banks in an effort to help them stave off their own disaster. So we are not only going to be paying off debt we ran up to buy bread and circuses for our own people, now we’re going to be paying off debt we’re running up to make sure the bread and circuses keep flowing in Paris, Rome, Athens, Dublin, and Madrid. Brilliant!
- From the “Manny, Moe, and Jack” Department – Carjackers in California were stymied when they found that they were unable to drive the car they had stolen, which had a manual transmission. Kids these days, I tell you. Time was when a teenager could hotwire a car, drive it with a clutch, steal the tires, and sell it to a chop shop all by himself. Now we have three knuckleheads who have to hold up the owner for his keys, then abandon the car because they don’t know how to drive a stick. I blame the educational system. Why aren’t we teaching the children to be honest, self-reliant criminals like we did when I was growing up?
- From the “Dictators Ain’t What They Used To Be” Department – Russian Leader-For-Life Vladimir Putin tried to get in the spotlight at an MMA match the other day, was booed by thousands of people for his efforts, and was visibly shaken by the experience. This just goes to show how far Russia has slipped in the past 50 years or so. If Stalin had gone into the ring of a boxing match and not had the entire stadium clap and cheer for him until they all passed out from the effort, the NKVD would have surrounded the stadium, arrested, tortured, and executed everyone present, then arrested their families and deported them to Kazakhstan, then arrested and killed all of the agents involved so that all memories of the incident were wiped out. In this case, the bloggers are having a flame war on the Internet. Vladimir, I’ve studied Stalin, I’ve listened to Stalin, and you’re no Josef Stalin.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 22, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/22/news-roundup-65/
Thoughts on the Morning News
- Is it just me, or is Hillary Clinton starting to look really tired? I think her facelift is starting to let go.
- We went over 15 billion dollars in government debt the other day. At what point do we just say “metric crapton” and leave it at that?
- What a surprise, someone got shot last night, and the picture they have for him is a mug shot.
- Apparently a vampire movie opened at the theaters last night. The TV showed crowds of people in line to see it at midnight. Amazingly enough, there wasn’t a male face in the crowd.
- Is it a stereotype if the only person they can get to talk about some tragedy involving a trailer has maybe three teeth?
- If it’s mid to late November, and it’s getting cold, the weather lady should not be surprised that it’s in the 20’s outside.
- Using only the commercials, one could come to the conclusion that the only local small businesses left are personal injury lawyers, mattress stores, and hormone replacement clinics.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 18, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/18/thoughts-on-the-morning-news/
News Roundup
- From the “Chowdah” Department – A truck hauling 33,000 pounds of seafood has been reported stolen in Pennsylvania. Police are on the lookout for the truck, possibly in a convoy with trucks hauling potatoes and malt vinegar.
- From the “Genius” Department – A man in Utah was arrested for bank robbery after police followed his footprints in the snow, which led from the bank he allegedly robbed to his apartment. Someone needs to tell Professor Einstein that it’s no fun for the police if they don’t even have to bring out the dogs to find his ignorant butt. Come on man, at least try!
- From the “Win Stupid Prizes” Department – A hippo named Humphrey in South Africa recently bit and killed the man who was caring for him as a pet. Apparently the “wouldn’t hurt a fly” water horse has been raised by humans since he was a calf, and the owner was repeatedly warned about keeping such a dangerous animal. You know, sometimes the only purpose in someone’s life is to be a negative example for others, and I think this guy achieved that life goal just before he was dragged into the water by his lap-hippo.
- From the “Good Boy” Department – A St. Bernard in Ohio cemented the relationship with his new family just seven hours after being adopted by chasing off a would-be burglar and biting him on the ankle. Talk about a quick return on investment! The dog was unable to comment on the situation because his mouth was full of steak.
- From the “Defense in Depth” Department – The British government is reportedly planning on deploying missiles to aid in defending the 2012 Olympic Games in London from terrorists. Which missiles will they use to defend the Olympics you ask? Why Javelins, of course.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 15, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/15/news-roundup-66/
News Roundup
- From the “Get Out The Vote” Department – A poll worker in Ohio showed his appreciation for voter turnout by trying to de-nose a poll-goer with his bare teeth. Apparently, the man said something that wasn’t appreciated, and the poll-worker strenuously retorted with a head butt and the application of a bite to the nose. I guess in Cleveland, the saying goes “Vote early, vote often, and bring a bandaid”.
- From the “Democracy Delivered” Department – A lady in New York gave birth to her child in a fire house in the room next to where the local polls were located. She named the little girl “Charis”, but I have it on good authority that if it had been a boy, his name would have been “Chad“.
- From the “Au Natural” Department – A man in New York was briefly taken to a psychiatric hospital after he was accused of walking naked and drunk through the workout area of a hotel. He denies doing it, of course, and it’s possible he didn’t. But remember kids, if you’re rich, you’re not crazy, you’re eccentric.
- From the “Damned If You Do” Department – President Obama recently decided not to decide quite yet on a controversial oil pipeline that would have taken crude from Canada to refineries in Texas while crossing several areas that are considered ecologically sensitive. This move is considered to be a political punt to move the actual decision to make a decision about the decision until after the decision. But political mastery of this magnitude is usually a double edged sword. You see, while this non-decision placates the tree-hugging wing of his party, the President risks alienating the deep-pocketed union wing. How awful that the evil cabal of hippies and blue collar drones that elected him may blow up in his face! It’s almost like machine politics and statesmanship are mutually exclusive concepts or something!
- From the “Close Call” Department – A Florida man continues to draw air after recovering a $10,000 ring that he accidentally threw away. The man dug through trash at the landfill for about 30 minutes before striking gold. I assume that the ring has been fully sanitized and returned to his lovely wife. Some will look at this as a sign of a man’s love for his wife. I look at this as a perfect example of self-preservation instinct. I would have been afraid to sleep until I either found or replaced the bobble.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 12, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/12/news-roundup-67/
News Roundup
- From the “Praise the Lord” Department – Facebook has announced that it will be offering the ‘old’ style newsfeed, which appears to be made of light and magic, as opposed to the new style, which appears to be made of suck and fail. And now the republic can sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that my use of Facebook, which I do only to remind myself why I stay out of the family craziness, will be done using a classic interface, which was designed and built less than 5 years ago. Don’t we have more important things to do in America?
- From the “Bad Day at Baikonur” Department – Russia has announced that one of its spacecraft, which is supposed to go to Mars, could fall to Earth soon because its rockets failed to ignite on time. Authorities assert that the large amount of fuel on board will probably burn up on reentry, which I hope happens in the night sky over Kentucky. I need some fireworks to cheer me up. Seriously, though, isn’t this the way that most zombie movies start?
- From the “Cry Me A River” Department – A man, who has been convicted of murder, held up a court proceeding today by going off at the mouth about how he is being treated in prison. Apparently he made a signal that he might hurt himself, so authorities strip searched him and put him on suicide watch, and that caught in his craw a tad. I say he’s expressing what I call a “First World Problem”. You see, we’re civilized enough that the worst thing that’s happened to someone convicted of murder is that he’s been stripped down and had someone watching him to make sure he doesn’t get hurt. Take us a couple of rungs down the societal sophistication ladder, and this schmuck would have spent a days in the pain room accompanied by a few members of the victim’s family. He should count himself lucky.
- From the “My Hero” Department – A man, who joined the military at age 38 so he could serve in World War II, recently celebrated his 108th birthday. He attributes his long life to “wine, women, and song”. I think I’ll emulate his winning strategy, although I’m more into “Bourbon, Redheads, and Gunpowder”. Bourbon makes you want to live, redheads keep you on your toes, and I don’t want to live a life without gunpowder.
Posted by daddybear71 on November 10, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/10/news-roundup-68/
News Roundup
- From the “Bad Idea” Department – The state courts system in California is considering whether or not to accept a $20 million donation from the owner of the L.A. Lakers and a health care company to stimulate work on a new computer system. If the words “conflict of interest” just came into your mind, you earn a gold star. Taking private money to do something for the supposedly neutral courts can create the perception of bias towards this man and his businesses when, not if, he’s sued.
- From the “Sense of Entitlement” Department – A member of the Occupy Wall Street movement decided that being told his Big Mac wasn’t going to be on the house was a good excuse to throw part of a cash register at the restaurant’s staff. Apparently this particular fast food place has become a good place to use the restroom for members of the protest group. So I’m guessing that the employees have been having to spend quite a bit more time cleaning said facilities, and the owner of the place has had to pay their wages and buy the supplies to do it. In return, this young person decided to beg for free food, and then assaulted the staff when rebuffed. Yeah, I’d be hiring an armed guard to make sure only paying customers use the restroom from now on. Remember kids, no good deed goes unpunished.
- From the “Scratching an Itch” Department – An overly amorous couple in Florida has been arrested after stealing an unmarked police car in order to have sex in it. According to police, the male in question feels no remorse at his actions because he was in a hurry to jump in the sack with the young lady. Guys, no matter how good looking or willing she is, she’s not worth an arrest record. Ladies, no man is good looking, rich, or a smooth enough talker to rate getting a pair of steel bracelets. Maybe I’m just too old, but stealing a car in order to have a place for a roll in the hay sounds like a bad idea. Then again, I was young and stupid once, so who am I to say?
Posted by daddybear71 on November 6, 2011
https://daddybearsden.com/2011/11/06/news-roundup-69/
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