Note to self – When making chicken that you intend to sear in a pan, seasoning said hen with ‘Slap Yo Mama’ seasoning mix might sound good, and will likely taste good, be advised that the outgassing from the chicken while it is getting seared is very close to riot gas in your reaction.

Not sure if it was the spices or citrus or whatever, but I haven’t had this kind of reaction in quite a long time.

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Note to self –

Two small-to-medium pie pumpkins will give you about 3 pounds of puree once halved, gutted, roasted, emptied, and run through the blender.

Also, the correct amount of bourbon to add to pumpkin pie mix is 1 borkle-borkle per pumpkin.

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Driving across Louisville and back the long way on a rainy day can try your patience.

After the 7th time some troglodyte out on a day pass cut me off in traffic so blatantly I heard my deceased grandmother cussing in German, I had a mental picture.

It was of a coffee table book entitled ‘From Crassus to Kratman: Using Crucifixion To Promote Social Change’.

After I got home, I went inside and enjoyed a nice cup of cocoa and a cookie until my attitude improved.

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Love is shoving your fingers in the fuzzy piranha’s mouth because she’s trying to chew a nickel and you don’t want to practice the Heimlich on a canine first thing in the morning.

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Note to self – It is forbidden for you to pour chocolate gravy into a mug, top it off with a dollop of half and half, and indulge in its rich, creamy, sinful goodness.

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Man hath no love like a labrador puppy watching her human separate out the bones from a crockpot full of stock.

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Note to self – The dude from the Interior Department sent in to investigate weird animal sightings will be Ray Gareaux. He’s out of the Baton Rouge field office.

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That moment when you’re in the groove, adding hundreds upon hundreds of words to a story, and then everything comes to a screeching halt when your brain asks ‘Do gnomes even have tails?’