Well, got some good news about the lawn mower. The dealer got it fixed faster than expected, and it will be returned on Friday. Looks like committing shovelcide only bent up the blade something fierce, so it was a relatively easy fix.

Grand total for getting it repaired was just north of $600. That’s much less than I thought it would be, and a whole lot less than purchasing the GrassReaper 5000 I was going to replace it with. Hey, if you’re going to make a statement, make a statement. My statement was going to be “I spent your college fund on a new lawnmower with its own sound system and a bigger engine than a 1996 Honda Accord”.

I asked for a written receipt for my payment, because I’ll need it for the tattoo artist I’m taking my youngest son to this weekend. I’m going back and forth on location. Currently, forearm, middle of chest, and forehead are the frontrunners. If I go with forehead, I’ll probably have to pay extra to have it put on in reverse so he can read it when he looks in the mirror.

I shall allow his lady mother a few minutes to plead for his skin before deciding. She has ways of convincing me to let the boy live to see his next sunrise.

I am a tyrant of my word, so the punishment phase of all this ends when the mower is back in the garage. Restitution phase begins immediately thereafter.

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Life with the little fuzzy velocilabrador continues. Her diet is expanding both in volume and variety.

• Puppy food – Good for her, although I’m pretty sure it bypasses her digestive tract and goes directly to her legs. Maggie Mae is going to be tall.
• USB cables, especially those used for Apple products – Not sure why these are so tasty, but she goes through these faster than a pair of wirecutters. I’m discouraging this behavior, both because of her health and the replacement costs.
• Various articles of clothing – Apparently, the smelly, sweaty tee shirt The Young Prince left on the bathroom floor after taking a shower is a particularly tasty treat. Again, discouraging this behavior.
• Dishrags – Kind of puzzled on this one. The soapy taste can’t be very appealing, but she is fascinated with these things.
• Yogurt, cheesecake, and ice cream – These I understand. I just wish she’d have the manners to beg rather than grab them from whatever flat surface they’re sitting on before wolfing them down.
• Tails – Maggie likes to live dangerously, so she makes a habit of creeping up on her brother and sisters and affixing her sharp little teeth on their tails. The older dogs use this occasion to teach the young pup that they are bigger and stronger than she is, and a few “Th-th-the big dog b-b-bit me in the ass!” crying jags have been noted. Unfortunately, she seems to be a slow learner, so I expect this behavior to continue for a bit.

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Speaking of puppies and sunrises, I need to pass on a quick pro tip for the younger readers – When your family has pets, especially puppies, extra especially if those pets are used to being let outside for their morning constitutional, followed by a leisure breakfast, immediately after the morning alarms go off, you darned sure better get your fuzzy butt up the moment your not-so-gentle “Hey, it’s the first day of school. Time to rise and shine!” alarm goes off.

Do not, I say again, do not let the alarm go off for about 5 minutes, slap it repeatedly until it quits making nose, then roll over and go back to sleep. It’s really a bad idea to do this if the noise of the puppy losing her everloving mind because she is hungry and has to pee realy bad was drowning out the incessant beeping. Especially do not do this if you are not as bright as your mother thinks you are and set the alarm for 5 AM, when your school bus won’t roll past until 8 AM.

Not following these words of wisdom makes your rather curmudgeonly gray haired father start to reconsider why he didn’t do the watusi in a Bosnian mine field about 15 years before you were born while he trundles himself out into the back yard, fuzzy pup in his arms, in the dark at 5:07 AM.