- From the “Entrepreneurship” Department – The U.S. Border Patrol has stopped a shipment of over 300 pounds of cocaine, estimated to be worth $14 million, from entering Canada. This continued interference in free trade is suppressing the best parts of the next generation. Anyone who can sell that much snow in Canada deserves recognition, not incarceration.
- From the “Targeted Tantrums” Department – David Hogg, member of the Democratic National Committee and founder of the National Endowment for the Elimination of Testosterone (NEET), has announced that he will be working to primary up to 20 older Democrats in the House of Representatives. He aims to usher in a new era of younger political leaders in his party, promising a new age of invigorated astroturfing and political enrichmentacross our great nation. “A strawman in every pot!” Mr. Hogg was heard to exclaim as he raised one small fist at the end of a pipe cleaner forearm toward the sky. I look forward to the content this and other Hogg-related news will bring in the coming years.
- From the “EWWW!!!” Department – A group recently cleaned a stretch of New Jersey beach, and is reporting several unusual finds. These include hams, vampire teeth, and a rubber foot. Representatives from a local ‘cultural center’ and ‘social club’ had no comment on what else might have been found. Members of the clean up crew have been sequestered for fourteen days to monitor for infectious diseases or mutations caused by contact with New Jersey beaches.
- From the “Water is Wet” Department – Scientists have released a study that shows that heavy drinking can lead to brain damage. Another study has found that consumption of diet soda and other highly processed foods can lead to Type 2 diabetes. Scientists have also found a correlation between heavy and chronic cannabis use and dementia. So, drinking and using marijuana aren’t good for your brain, and eating non-nutritious foods can lead to diabetes. In other news, the cuts to federal funding for scientific research into things we already knew have not gone deep enough.
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News Roundup
Posted by daddybear71 on April 16, 2025
https://daddybearsden.com/2025/04/16/news-roundup-266/
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DaddyBear
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Anonymous
/ April 17, 2025It’s pretty sad when ‘Boss’ Hogg is the better example of Hoggs… Just sayin…
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